To walk away immediately from this

Resentful much ?
You're not helping the OP in any way just showing you are still emotionally connected to this guy and want another chance with him but have gotten knocked up and are overrun with internal resentment that you cant

I wholeheartedly agree. Check out @Pilliowformyknees above calling OP names.

Some people don't seem to realise that even before relationships are serious and committed that respect and consideration is essential.

He just wants to keep his options open, I think.

Tough. You're nobody's option. Tell him while he's making a decision about who to be with, you've already made yours and it's bye bye.

(You could even tell him how good it is of you to save him having to do any more thinking.)

Wow! I can't believe some posters here actually think you're bu! Minority but still. No wonder men think they can treat women like shit when there are enablers like that out there. Chad wants to have an open playing field, good on you for letting him know your door is shut from now on. Wouldn't it be great if exw came with handsome man ignoring him? Can you bring a Nice looking date OP? It would just be perfect to see him sitting on his own while you and exw chat merrily with your handsome men standing nearby😁

You yourself said nothing serious
You can't have it both ways, don't act like a petulant child the next time and just have a grown up conversation

Bloody good for you OP. What an utter cock.

I've got a large sociable long-term mixed group of friends many of whom married off in our late twenties and early thirties. Over the following 8 or 10 years there were always some singles in the mix (me included) who sometimes became romantically involved. I saw this sort of shite happen a few times with people thinking they could have some bizarre casual on when it suited them, we aren't quite established yet so I'm not technically breaking rules bullshit.

I absolutely guarantee that a deluded self important idiot like this thinks the door is still ajar with you. He's already shown his ego is off the charts and he knows he will be running into you.

One guy tried it with me once - it wasn't another woman but a dinner date after we'd been having a dalliance he thought he could just cancel on the day with no apology and a vague we will do it another time - and he also got short shift from me followed by blocking on all lines of communication. It was a massive no from me forever but he definitely assumed we would be getting together properly in the future. It was a shame actually as we really did have great chemistry and shared outlooks on a lot but there was no way I was dropping my standards just because we had a mutual friend group. He persisted with his pursuit in a very odd way, "you know we are ending up together" crap pouring out of his mouth every time I saw him and to anybody else who would listen. I used to shake my head in disbelief; other people seemed to think we were still involved on some level but going slow or whatever. I had zero interest or intention of ever giving him another chance.

I know it was petty and immature but I so loved the experience of being at a party one night when I hadn't seen him for a couple of years (I'd been living abroad). I looked absolutely gorgeous, was having a great time catching up with everyone and just feeling so happy in general as it was a brilliant period of my life. Then I saw him spy me and pretend nonchalantly make his way around then when he said hi I stood up with my pregnant bump, and his jaw dropped to the floor.

or that he truly did think that he and the op weren’t remotely serious

He’s shown you who he really is. What a weasel.

YAS QUEEN! You tell him!

I guess you had reasons for asking this (doubts about his feelings) but in the future you should never ask ‘do you love me’ type questions. There’s evidence that they lead to unnecessary / unintended reflections.

Instead, you convey an attitude of how lucky he is to be with you. If you’ve been dating for months, then assume you’ll be sharing a room together.

But possibly even having to ask that question suggests that he wasn’t making you feel secure in the relationship.

He might have been " just sleeping with her" but is that what she thought?
It might be that he knows there was more to it, and that she is going to be upset when she sees him with someone else, especially with no warning.

Well done for not doing the pick me dance. I'm surprised he's surprised though.

@mindutopia - wow that guy thought he was very special, didn’t he!? Glad you told him to shove it.

Good for you, OP! There’s no coming back from what he said. Let that be a lesson for him!

As grotesque as that guy is, I'm amazed you hung around to watch this scene? 🤯

I would have been out of there the minute I saw them together. Guess you got more balls than me!

I jokingly asked Chad if I needed to be concerned that he’d be with her at the party, rather than me.

Chad said he actually wasn’t sure…but feels it might be best to agree that he and I aren’t “together” at the party itself as he “doesn’t want to be in a difficult situation”.

YABU and sound very insecure!

You’ve only been seeing each other a few months and you’re already questioning whether he’s going to go off with another woman.

If you feel this way about him already, then stop seeing him.

Why ask the question if you didn’t want him to answer it?

He says he doesn’t know how she’ll react and so keeping things on the low would be a good idea, considering it’s your friends engagement and it’s not fair that there is any drama.
It would be different if you guys were in a relationship or it was a different type of event.

what does the concert have to do with anything?

Totally reasonable on your part. Not wanting someone he used to date casually or otherwise to know he’s with someone else, and re-iterating to you that you’re “not together” tells you everything you need to know.

He doesn’t want her to know because he doesn’t want to put her off if there’s any chance she’s still interested. I’ve been through this myself, as have many of my friends - all lovey dovey with you until they find out an ex or someone else they fancy might possibly be interested and then suddenly it’s “we’re not together, I can do what I want” Er no thanks, bye!

I have laughed at this...not because it's funny as such, but at the brass neck of the guy expecting you go on standby until he works out what his options are.
Absolute buffoon. Love that you sent him packing.

@Consoprize introduce yourself at the party as the woman who unwittingly kept Chad warm for her.

He’s all yours now and you’re welcome.
He’ll probably end up alone 😂

exactly
the op says the relationship isn’t serious
and quite clearly…. he also was under the impression that it’s not remotely serious or has a future

What is there to discuss? What is there to think about ?
He said it all by saying nothing

Well done OP

I have no time for this modern phenomenon of casual dating for months on end, followed by the 'exclusive talk.' I think it's a theory that rarely works in practise.
When you know you know, and you both want that exclusivity to start pretty quickly. If one of you doesn't, then it's probably not going anywhere. When you fall in love you don't tend to take months and months of dating someone to realise it.

I couldn't agree more.

Which is what he thinks of your relationship with him and why he thinks it’s okay to behave as he did.

YANBU

Chad can have her. You are gifting him back to her. She possibly won't want him, and will be flying back out from whence she came anyway, but that's the risk he's chosen to take.

If he doesn't know how he feels after a few months with you then he's probably never going to know. He'll keep on not knowing until he meets someone else and finally gains some clarity on the matter.

I have no time for this modern phenomenon of casual dating for months on end, followed by the 'exclusive talk.' I think it's a theory that rarely works in practise.

When you know you know, and you want that exclusivity to start pretty quickly. If one of you doesn't, then it's probably not going anywhere. When you fall hard for someone it rarely takes several months of dating for that penny to drop.