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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To walk away immediately from this

306 replies

Consoprize · 03/11/2024 07:34

I met a man through a mutual group of friends. Let’s call him Chad . We’ve been seeing each other a few months, although nothing serious yet.

Chad and I are supposed to go on a trip at the end of november to see a concert. I have the tickets and hotel booking and he hasn’t paid his share yet.

Our mutual friends are throwing an engagement party in December. We were both invited. The engaged couple know we’ve been seeing each other. It’s not a secret.

An old flame of Chad’s is also going to the party. She is flying in from overseas. I know he hasn’t seen her since she left the U.K but they were casually dating before she left.

I jokingly asked Chad if I needed to be concerned that he’d be with her at the party, rather than me.

Chad said he actually wasn’t sure…but feels it might be best to agree that he and I aren’t “together” at the party itself as he “doesn’t want to be in a difficult situation”.

I have told Chad that that didn’t work for me, that I’m keeping the concert tickets and to not contact me ever again.

Chad wants to talk about it some more. Chad thinks he should be allowed more time to think it through. He feels I’m being pushy and giving him an ultimatum.

I’ve told Chad to shove it up his arse and the very fact he even has to think about it, tells me everything I need to know about how he perceives me. He thinks that’s unfair of me before we’ve even talked about it.

I don’t think IABU here, surely?

OP posts:
Cuppachino · 03/11/2024 18:09

ThatWarmJadeSeal · 03/11/2024 16:04

No I've seen this kind of behaviour from women with views like this. They want to centre their relationship at all times.

You sound as if you've been ground down to 'know your place' by your partner. Shame.

Cuppachino · 03/11/2024 18:05

VegTrug · 03/11/2024 15:51

I agree he's a dick and to walk away from him. However the way you describe how you went about this ie: your response "I told him I'm keeping the concert tickets and to never contact me ever again" sounds like a child throwing a tantrum

Should she have let him keep the tickets she paid for? Allow him to contact her against her wishes? I think not.

Pilliowformyknees · 03/11/2024 18:03

IlooklikeNigella · 03/11/2024 10:25

I wholeheartedly agree. Check out @Pilliowformyknees above calling OP names.

Some people don't seem to realise that even before relationships are serious and committed that respect and consideration is essential.

Nobody was called names, we constanlty say we shouldn't tolerate men throwing their toys out of the pram but it's ok for us to do it ! It is completely not, it just reinforces the neurotic stereotype of women

Cuppachino · 03/11/2024 18:01

ThatWarmJadeSeal · 03/11/2024 15:23

No idea. They might have been. What I saw is that my mother and father were able to interact as full humans without leaning on their partners. You know like well balanced, fulfilled adults?? Probably not....

Are you still going on about this? You're just making up nonsense. OP never said she only wants to talk to him and only him and won't be interacting with her other friends. Where are you getting that from. Very odd.

Hunglikeapolevaulter · 03/11/2024 17:30

i get the impression he doesn’t really give a hoot either way

From the OP: " He thinks that’s unfair of me before we’ve even talked about it. "
He's being a whiny little bitch about it so clearly he does care.

Hunglikeapolevaulter · 03/11/2024 17:28

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NomenNudum · 03/11/2024 17:09

Should have called him Chud

Dweetfidilove · 03/11/2024 17:05

@Consoprize 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

morestraightforward · 03/11/2024 17:02

SerafinasGoose · 03/11/2024 17:01

He thinks otherwise now 😀

i get the impression he doesn’t really give a hoot either way

SerafinasGoose · 03/11/2024 17:01

morestraightforward · 03/11/2024 15:48

She isn’t even a proper ex. Just someone he was shagging. .

Presumably he thought the same was going on with you

He thinks otherwise now 😀

Evaka · 03/11/2024 16:44

What a pig. You on the other hand are a legend OP.

ILoveNigelTufnel · 03/11/2024 16:43

Consoprize · 03/11/2024 07:34

I met a man through a mutual group of friends. Let’s call him Chad . We’ve been seeing each other a few months, although nothing serious yet.

Chad and I are supposed to go on a trip at the end of november to see a concert. I have the tickets and hotel booking and he hasn’t paid his share yet.

Our mutual friends are throwing an engagement party in December. We were both invited. The engaged couple know we’ve been seeing each other. It’s not a secret.

An old flame of Chad’s is also going to the party. She is flying in from overseas. I know he hasn’t seen her since she left the U.K but they were casually dating before she left.

I jokingly asked Chad if I needed to be concerned that he’d be with her at the party, rather than me.

Chad said he actually wasn’t sure…but feels it might be best to agree that he and I aren’t “together” at the party itself as he “doesn’t want to be in a difficult situation”.

I have told Chad that that didn’t work for me, that I’m keeping the concert tickets and to not contact me ever again.

Chad wants to talk about it some more. Chad thinks he should be allowed more time to think it through. He feels I’m being pushy and giving him an ultimatum.

I’ve told Chad to shove it up his arse and the very fact he even has to think about it, tells me everything I need to know about how he perceives me. He thinks that’s unfair of me before we’ve even talked about it.

I don’t think IABU here, surely?

Very well done for telling Chad to shove it up his arse. Great phrase and very under used I feel.

I’m not suggesting you do it but I am rather curious about what he wants to discuss further. Ignoring him / grey rock will be far more satisfying though.

ThatWarmJadeSeal · 03/11/2024 16:41

Whothefuckdoesthat · 03/11/2024 16:32

She didn’t dump him because he wouldn’t flaunt their relationship. She dumped him because he “feels it might be best to agree that he and I aren’t “together” at the party itself as he “doesn’t want to be in a difficult situation”. He was asking the OP to forget they were seeing each other for the evening, so he’d be free to try and get together with the previous woman he’d been sleeping with and not have to feel awkward about it. And, presumably, if the other woman wasn’t interested, be ready to pick up again at his convenience.

Did you misunderstand? Is that why you’ve been so insulting with everyone? Because you thought the OP wanted Chad to declare his love for her at the party?

I think he just meant that they aren't there as each other's date. These are mutual friends if both so they would likely both receive invites if they didn't know each other.

NPET · 03/11/2024 16:32

What a ba$tard.
He's using you as a "reserve" in case nothing comes of the other "relationship".
When that happened to me I ... well I better not say, we were only 17 at the time and I didn't treat him very well.

Whothefuckdoesthat · 03/11/2024 16:32

ThatWarmJadeSeal · 03/11/2024 16:20

I know she dumped a guy who wouldn't flaunt his new relationship in front of his ex at someone else's engagement...

She didn’t dump him because he wouldn’t flaunt their relationship. She dumped him because he “feels it might be best to agree that he and I aren’t “together” at the party itself as he “doesn’t want to be in a difficult situation”. He was asking the OP to forget they were seeing each other for the evening, so he’d be free to try and get together with the previous woman he’d been sleeping with and not have to feel awkward about it. And, presumably, if the other woman wasn’t interested, be ready to pick up again at his convenience.

Did you misunderstand? Is that why you’ve been so insulting with everyone? Because you thought the OP wanted Chad to declare his love for her at the party?

Teacherprebaby · 03/11/2024 16:24

ThatWarmJadeSeal · 03/11/2024 11:02

No I just have a personality and presence aside from being my partner's lady

Uh huh...🙄

ThatWarmJadeSeal · 03/11/2024 16:21

Whothefuckdoesthat · 03/11/2024 16:18

😂

Jade! You were doing so well! You’d managed to go several whole posts without insulting anyone, then fell at the final hurdle.

And of course your post was flattering and my response ill deserved.

ThatWarmJadeSeal · 03/11/2024 16:20

pictoosh · 03/11/2024 16:08

You are not an authority on the OP though, are you? In fact, you know next to nothing about her. She's a total stranger.

That you have a couple of anecdotes to recall is of no matter. It is rude to make things up and insist you are correct.

I know she dumped a guy who wouldn't flaunt his new relationship in front of his ex at someone else's engagement...

SerafinasGoose · 03/11/2024 16:19

TheTrumptonRiots · 03/11/2024 15:12

You obviously needed to get that off your chest 🤣 thank you for enlightening me obviously more imported nonsense I'm a bloke myself and I'm old school so I'd still use the word Gobshite for the Chads of this world 😉

You and me both, @TheTrumptonRiots. You and me both. 😎

Whothefuckdoesthat · 03/11/2024 16:18

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😂

Jade! You were doing so well! You’d managed to go several whole posts without insulting anyone, then fell at the final hurdle.

morestraightforward · 03/11/2024 16:16

Whothefuckdoesthat · 03/11/2024 15:22

I hope you ever so casually let everyone know that you and Chad are no longer seeing each other, and why. So when he turns up at the party, everyone will think he’s a complete arse and he gets a taste of that humiliation. I’d also follow @NotOneOfTheInCrowd’s suggestion. Just to make totally sure that Chad’s evening doesn’t turn out quite the way he’s hoping.

Edited

the party is weeks away

If the OP is wittering on about a causal relationship that wrapped up weeks previously… i think it is the Op that will be the one people are somewhat 🤔 about!

januaryjan · 03/11/2024 16:10

Consoprize · 03/11/2024 07:54

Not serious at all! They were just sleeping together.

Unfortunately, it seems from Chad's point of view, the same can be said of your relationship.

You were right to ditch the ponce.

pictoosh · 03/11/2024 16:08

ThatWarmJadeSeal · 03/11/2024 16:04

No I've seen this kind of behaviour from women with views like this. They want to centre their relationship at all times.

You are not an authority on the OP though, are you? In fact, you know next to nothing about her. She's a total stranger.

That you have a couple of anecdotes to recall is of no matter. It is rude to make things up and insist you are correct.

Gymnopedie · 03/11/2024 16:05

Where's all the angst coming from?

Chad thinks he should be allowed more time to think it through.

Chad (bless his little cotton socks) has the right to feel like that - even if most of us think he's a wanker for doing so.

The OP has the right to say 'Sod that. I'm not waiting around to see if I'm the chosen one, I'm removing myself from the equation'.

Simples.

ThatWarmJadeSeal · 03/11/2024 16:04

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