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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Again & again

58 replies

beachcitygirl · 03/11/2024 04:29

So many threads @ topics where husband/partner treats wife like a slave and they put up with it.
Aibu to say "yes, it is that easy to leave and be happier aloene" and model good behaviour for your kids. Why, why, why do people accept crumbs?

OP posts:
Original poster
beachcitygirl · 03/11/2024 04:51

It is that simple.
It's just not that easy.

OP posts:
Original poster
beachcitygirl · 03/11/2024 04:50

I've been in the situation. It was not easy. Far far from it. But I was better than living with someone who made me feel less than every single day.

I had no family to run to & relied on benefits & telemarketing work. But I shut my door & brought my kids up in an atmosphere of love. (Albeit with no carpets)

I have every idea.

OP posts:
Pippa12 · 03/11/2024 04:47

I say this kindly, but you appear to live a very sheltered life. Your ‘options’ all have deep flaws.

I hope you never find yourself in such position.

ImJustAGirlInACountrySong · 03/11/2024 04:45

beachcitygirl · 03/11/2024 04:32

A)throw him out
B) family
C) friends
D) council
E) make a plans & squirrel money away .

Literally anything is better than living with someone who makes you feel less than.

It's not that simple

So flippant! You don't have a clue...do you!?

JMSA · 03/11/2024 04:37

I don't like to blame the woman though, as I can see how this situation would sort of creep up on you.
You don't really know how good or shit a man is until you have kids with him. Bottom line.
I'm a member of a FB group for women, where we look out for each other in the dating world (by posting about dodgy men, etc). The bar is set low on there and it really worries me. Someone literally posted today saying 'the man I've been dating for a week wants to move in - is this a red flag?'
Ummm ... Confused
You don't see things like this on Mumsnet AS much, but we're generally a very aware and educated bunch.

dogfail · 03/11/2024 04:37

Because it's hard to leave what you know . Financially it can be difficult, if there's kids involved and the partner is a dick , you can end up in a situation of either leaving your kids behind or not leaving.
Some women are scared to leave for fear of repercussions.
Mental health, disability, caring responsibilities can all be factors.
Lack of support, some women are afraid to go it alone particularly if they have no support network.

I split with ex h twenty years ago. He moved in with his parents. I bought out of the house, we had a 25k mortgage which I increased by 20k. I could afford to do this on my own.

It was quite easy, nowadays you are looking at huge mortgages which require two incomes.

Original poster
beachcitygirl · 03/11/2024 04:32

A)throw him out
B) family
C) friends
D) council
E) make a plans & squirrel money away .

Literally anything is better than living with someone who makes you feel less than.

OP posts:
Pippa12 · 03/11/2024 04:31

YABU as it is really not that easy to leave, despite the outcome meaning the person will be happier.

Where do you suggest they go?

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