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Elderly neighbour feeding our cat

163 replies

EdgarAllenRaven · 03/11/2024 01:07

We moved to a new area just under a year ago, and our cat initially struggled to settle as the new house used to have a dog living in it. He kept going into the neighbours through her back door.

It turns out that she keeps her back doors open every day so she can feed the birds and squirrels. She is an elderly widow.

However, now our cat barely comes home at all. I have been getting increasingly upset, distressed and furious, have sent her many messages asking her not to encourage our cat to go in.

She says she feels like a prisoner in her house if she closes her doors! Now I noticed she even has a litter tray!

She says she doesn’t feed him, but I’m pretty sure she must be as he is a huge Maine Coon and is no longer eating the same amount here. He seems to pop in here just to eat once in the morning and once in the evening, other than that I rarely see him.

What can I do? AIBU to send a formal letter?
I’ve told her in person how upset my kids are, they miss their cat. We’ve had countless conversations and text messages, she always blames the cat for rushing in!

OP posts:
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SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 03/11/2024 05:04

You can’t make her close the door but you can ask her firmly never to feed him and to put him out whenever she closes her door eg at night. You could say that feeding the cat or shutting him in is theft.
also you could make friends with her so she is more likely to sympathise. She’s probably lonely.

Chocolatestrawberry123 · 03/11/2024 04:41

Cats always go where the 'better offer' is, so while it's unfortunate for you that your cat clearly enjoys going off to the neighbours, I don't think it's fair to make him stay in and start cat proofing your garden, as although it'll make you happier, your cat will be miserable.
You could make something up and ask the neighbour to not feed him under any circumstances, as he's on a special diet, she'll probably listen to that and hopefully he'll spend more time back home.

Reserved101 · 03/11/2024 03:56

Flopsythebunny · 03/11/2024 03:44

Don't be ridiculous. The neighbour hasn't done anything illegal.
If you choose to let your car roam, its your own hard luck if he chooses a better home

She hasn't done anything illegal as of yet (and perhaps never will) but cats are legally the property of their owners, so it isn't as simple as "cats choose their own home".

Also, a home that gives cats more enticing food (if that is indeed what is going on) is not necessarily a better one.

OldTinHat · 03/11/2024 03:52

I'm extremely allergic to cats and have had to stop keeping windows open at the back because a neighbour's cat has taken to hopping in and sleeping on my beds. I still leave my back door open, though, and I'll suddenly find the cat strolling about in my lounge.

I've rehomed a dog recently. I've not seen the cat since...fingers crossed!

Flopsythebunny · 03/11/2024 03:44

abracadabra1980 · 03/11/2024 03:31

This also happened to me! infuriating! Up your game with the food - tuna?
Tell her if she doesn't stop you'll start legal proceedings. May shock her into the reality of what she's doing. Good luck

Don't be ridiculous. The neighbour hasn't done anything illegal.
If you choose to let your car roam, its your own hard luck if he chooses a better home

Flopsythebunny · 03/11/2024 03:42

If you don't like it, keep your cat in or cat proof your garden so that he can't get out of it.

ForGreyKoala · 03/11/2024 03:34

Janedoe82 · 03/11/2024 01:10

Cats choose their owner. They have zero loyalty and don’t give a F. Be grateful he pops in

Yep, one of mine moved in with a neighbour and only came home for food. He was happy, so I was happy.

abracadabra1980 · 03/11/2024 03:31

This also happened to me! infuriating! Up your game with the food - tuna?
Tell her if she doesn't stop you'll start legal proceedings. May shock her into the reality of what she's doing. Good luck

Reserved101 · 03/11/2024 02:37

I don't know much about them, but I believe you can buy collars that have cameras on them - not only will that answer if she's feeding them but she might think twice about letting him in if he's filming her.

marmamumma · 03/11/2024 02:28

Keep him in and get a catrun. Do not let him out after dinner, put him in your daughters room. Buy a litter tray for the garage/laundry wherever. Would he accept a lead? Some do, you could walk him around your garden in the sun. The fence covers posted by pp look great.

hellywelly3 · 03/11/2024 02:19

There’s nothing you can do to stop her. Your best bet is keep your cat in. Our last cat and our neighbours cat lived between our two houses. They just loved each others company so even if she got her own it might not stop it.

WhichEllie · 03/11/2024 02:07

EdgarAllenRaven · 03/11/2024 01:46

Thanks all for the advice, I will keep him in and buy nicer food!

Look into cat proofing your garden as well. You can have rollers installed so that when he jumps up he falls back into your garden, or have netting attached that will keep him from jumping over. That way he’s secure and you know where he is.

Elderly neighbour feeding our cat
Elderly neighbour feeding our cat
Elderly neighbour feeding our cat
Elderly neighbour feeding our cat
Ponderingwindow · 03/11/2024 02:02

Supervise your cat and you won’t have to risk him being stolen, lost, or injured.

romdowa · 03/11/2024 01:52

Can you escape proof your garden? Build a catio for him?

EdgarAllenRaven · 03/11/2024 01:46

Thanks all for the advice, I will keep him in and buy nicer food!

OP posts:
EdgarAllenRaven · 03/11/2024 01:45

I don’t really understand this “Cats choose their homes “… surely there is also a rule that you do not feed other people’s cats? Or let them stay the night locked in your house?

He was perfectly happy living in our old house with my “noisy kids”, so I can only think it was the dog smell initially, but now it’s too late as he’s been encouraged to stay next door.
He used to always sleep on my daughter’s bed with her, she is distraught at losing him.

OP posts:
Jux · 03/11/2024 01:43

We have free roaming cats; so far they seem to prefer being in our house though we also have nice neighbours. We are next to a retirement estate and we do think one of ours has made himself fairly comfy with some old person, but he does come back fairly hungry, albeit late, for supper. It is one of the things I worry about, as it happened to one of my childhood cats. The old lady came round to us demanding money for the food she gave him (expensive fish and fresh chicken, when we fed them from tins). No amount of reasoning with her deterred her, but she was very cross that she didn't get her money from us.

Keep him in for at least a fortnight, I'd say 6 weeks at minimum and reintroduce him to the garden as slowly as you can. When you do let him out again, buy some special titbits, a bit of salmon, fresh chicken - bribe him initially.

EdgarAllenRaven · 03/11/2024 01:38

HerBloodIsLikeLiquidFire · 03/11/2024 01:31

The next time he comes in, keep him in for good and don’t let him get out again.
There really isn't another option.
Some neighbour tried to take my cat on as their own. They removed her collar and ID tag and put a different collar on her.
I kept her in as soon as she came back to me, for weeks, planning to never let her outside again.
"D"M didn't listen to me and let her out. I haven't seen her since. She and her brother turn 16 on the 5th. I have no idea if she's still alive. 2015 she disappeared for the last time.
She wasn’t microchipped but had been spayed and wearing an ID tag. Is your boy microchipped?
Bugger off to the PPs saying it's her cat now. It's not too late to get him back and keep him in his home because this mad woman is trying to steal him long term.

Thanks for understanding and I’m so sorry that happened to you.
For the record, I have never asked her to close her doors. But I do find it hard it hard to believe that she has to keep them open in all weathers and seasons!
Also she has been seen calling him in, so she is not quite as innocent as she makes out in all this.

I guess I will have to keep him inside for a week or two.

OP posts:
HerBloodIsLikeLiquidFire · 03/11/2024 01:33

Foxlover46 · 03/11/2024 01:31

One thing I have learnt about cats is it's THE CAT WHO CHOOSES where it wants to be.
He still comes to see you twice a day and is healthy and loved , see it like when your child has a great step parent .. extra love is never a bad thing right

No, sometimes people just take collars and ID tags off, take them as their own and keep them in. As I said in my post. When that happens you have no idea where or what happened to your cat. It's awful.

HerBloodIsLikeLiquidFire · 03/11/2024 01:31

The next time he comes in, keep him in for good and don’t let him get out again.
There really isn't another option.
Some neighbour tried to take my cat on as their own. They removed her collar and ID tag and put a different collar on her.
I kept her in as soon as she came back to me, for weeks, planning to never let her outside again.
"D"M didn't listen to me and let her out. I haven't seen her since. She and her brother turn 16 on the 5th. I have no idea if she's still alive. 2015 she disappeared for the last time.
She wasn’t microchipped but had been spayed and wearing an ID tag. Is your boy microchipped?
Bugger off to the PPs saying it's her cat now. It's not too late to get him back and keep him in his home because this mad woman is trying to steal him long term.

Foxlover46 · 03/11/2024 01:31

One thing I have learnt about cats is it's THE CAT WHO CHOOSES where it wants to be.
He still comes to see you twice a day and is healthy and loved , see it like when your child has a great step parent .. extra love is never a bad thing right

CousinBob · 03/11/2024 01:31

We didn’t feed our neighbour’s cat. He still came in and made himself at home.

HonestPayforHonestWork · 03/11/2024 01:28

Probably prefers the quiet of the elderly animal lover’s home to one filled with kids, I’m afraid.

MartinCrieffsLemon · 03/11/2024 01:27

Our 2 doors down neighbours don't WANT the middle neighbours cat in their house... its still decided it's their home and keeps coming in, eating their food and sleeping on their furniture

Free roaming cats don't need encouragement to find a new home. They will have several homes in fact.

It's entirely possible you don't see it all day as they go from house to house, getting fed and played with.

You can't force her to close her doors

pizzaHeart · 03/11/2024 01:26

Of course she can discourage him but she doesn’t want to. I think you should do a bit more of emotional blackmail with referring to kids but some people get more stubborn and less considerate with age so it might not help.