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Elderly neighbour feeding our cat

163 replies

EdgarAllenRaven · 03/11/2024 01:07

We moved to a new area just under a year ago, and our cat initially struggled to settle as the new house used to have a dog living in it. He kept going into the neighbours through her back door.

It turns out that she keeps her back doors open every day so she can feed the birds and squirrels. She is an elderly widow.

However, now our cat barely comes home at all. I have been getting increasingly upset, distressed and furious, have sent her many messages asking her not to encourage our cat to go in.

She says she feels like a prisoner in her house if she closes her doors! Now I noticed she even has a litter tray!

She says she doesn’t feed him, but I’m pretty sure she must be as he is a huge Maine Coon and is no longer eating the same amount here. He seems to pop in here just to eat once in the morning and once in the evening, other than that I rarely see him.

What can I do? AIBU to send a formal letter?
I’ve told her in person how upset my kids are, they miss their cat. We’ve had countless conversations and text messages, she always blames the cat for rushing in!

OP posts:
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StMarieforme · 03/11/2024 08:33

People saying legal proceedings and the neighbours is being awful. How ridiculous!

OP's cat goes in neighbour's house. Neighbour doing nothing wrong.

Leave the poor woman alone and make your home a place where your cat wants to be OP!

Itislate · 03/11/2024 08:33

They are all the same...

Elderly neighbour feeding our cat
StMarieforme · 03/11/2024 08:31

Reserved101 · 03/11/2024 02:37

I don't know much about them, but I believe you can buy collars that have cameras on them - not only will that answer if she's feeding them but she might think twice about letting him in if he's filming her.

Her door is open. He's not knocking and she lets him in!

StMarieforme · 03/11/2024 08:30

EdgarAllenRaven · 03/11/2024 01:18

@SilverChampagne @Janedoe82 Surely it is not OK to start feeding your neighbour’s pet, to put out a litter tray, and allow them upstairs to sleep on your bed? It would never occur to me in a million years to do this if someone else’s pet was coming into my house.

Happens many times though. She can't stop the cat going in and you can't make her close the door. Nowt you can do about it!

Startingagainandagain · 03/11/2024 08:29

@Pleasebeafleabite'after the conversation that would take place there’s no way that nice little old lady would be ringing the police. If by some freak chance she did just deny all knowledge.'

Vile.

Pleasebeafleabite · 03/11/2024 08:20

Startingagainandagain · 03/11/2024 08:03

'@Pleasebeafleabite · Today 07:48

Anyone who’s “accidentally” got this happening to them. For fucks sake put the cat outside it’s not yours.
There a very simple way of dealing with this OP but it’s not very pleasant. Just send your DH DB etc round to warn her off in a threatening manner. Everyone on here will be horrified but I guarantee she’ll leave your cat alone after that'

Are you for real?

You are really suggesting that the OP sends a male relative to threaten an elderly neighbour?

Is that how you deal with conflict?

Good luck with staying out of jail with that attitude...because I would get anyone who came to my own house to threaten me immediately arrested.

Also you sound like you have never owned a cat. They go wherever they want and 'putting the cat outside' does not mean he is not going to get back in the first chance he's got.

What a bizarre reply...

  1. it’s not conflict it’s stealing
  2. after the conversation that would take place there’s no way that nice little old lady would be ringing the police
  3. if by some freak chance she did just deny all knowledge.

and yes when random cats come in your house you chase / throw the fuckers out till they stop coming. Cats aren’t stupid

How pathetic to not be able to stop an animal coming into your home. Jesus

MissHalloween · 03/11/2024 08:19

You can’t do anything about the neighbour’s door being open but you ask them not to feed your cat? My friend had this situation and she explained the cat was on medication and needed to take it with her food, she exaggerated quite a bit but it seemed to work.

Falseshamrok · 03/11/2024 08:18

same thing happened with my two cats. My elderly widowed neighbour doesn’t actively encourage them in but they go anyway. It makes her happy, we’re fine with it. The cats still come home every now and then. We joke about it and say they live between the two houses. 🤷🏼‍♀️ I don’t really care, everyone’s happy, including the cats

Pottedpalm · 03/11/2024 08:18

Firstly, your neighbour is not being ‘vile’, she can keep her doors open as she wishes. Our elderly neighbours keep their back door open unless the weather is absolutely freezing.
as pp have said, cats are roaming animals. Ours is old now and chooses to stay in our garden but we have several local cats who stroll through and one who has perfected the art of creeping silently the cat flap for supper, and the occasional overnight on the sofa.

Onlyvisiting · 03/11/2024 08:15

EdgarAllenRaven · 03/11/2024 01:07

We moved to a new area just under a year ago, and our cat initially struggled to settle as the new house used to have a dog living in it. He kept going into the neighbours through her back door.

It turns out that she keeps her back doors open every day so she can feed the birds and squirrels. She is an elderly widow.

However, now our cat barely comes home at all. I have been getting increasingly upset, distressed and furious, have sent her many messages asking her not to encourage our cat to go in.

She says she feels like a prisoner in her house if she closes her doors! Now I noticed she even has a litter tray!

She says she doesn’t feed him, but I’m pretty sure she must be as he is a huge Maine Coon and is no longer eating the same amount here. He seems to pop in here just to eat once in the morning and once in the evening, other than that I rarely see him.

What can I do? AIBU to send a formal letter?
I’ve told her in person how upset my kids are, they miss their cat. We’ve had countless conversations and text messages, she always blames the cat for rushing in!

My parents have their doors open 95% of the year. Like the fresh air/watch the birds etc. Letting him in and shutting him in her house would be unreasonable, him coming and going in open doors and windows while being free to leave isn't her problem. Keeping your cat home is your responsibility, it's also possible that he has more than 1 2nd home and she isn't the one feeding him.
But even if she is, all the letters in the world won't achieve anything except causing neighbours strife. Just keep your cat inside your own house if it is thst important to you.
If you can't keep him in it is pretty unreasonable to think it is easy for her to keep him out!

Lurkingandlearning · 03/11/2024 08:12

I think people who encourage other people’s cats into their homes are vile. But almost every OP is right (not the one who said you should send the boys round to sort her right out - paraphrased)

If it is possible your cat has chosen a quiet home because you have children and she doesn’t, could you give him a place to go for some peace when he needs it. Somewhere you can keep your children out of. If not I think a catio is your only option

Deadhouseplant · 03/11/2024 08:12

WhichEllie · 03/11/2024 02:07

Look into cat proofing your garden as well. You can have rollers installed so that when he jumps up he falls back into your garden, or have netting attached that will keep him from jumping over. That way he’s secure and you know where he is.

Gosh that looks like cat prison!
I’m not comfortable with squashing natural behaviour in pets but I understand it’s that or the risk of free roaming cats is they find somewhere quieter with nicer food than their home.
They’re absolute sods for this are cats, totally heartless when food and a comfy bed is involved. Your poor kids just be very sad OP.

coffeesaveslives · 03/11/2024 08:09

This is one of the risks you take when you let your cat out to roam. Mine all go out too and I know they go into other gardens and I've seen them playing with the kids down the street too.

If you don't want him going in her house anymore then it's on you to keep him on your property.

Startingagainandagain · 03/11/2024 08:03

'@Pleasebeafleabite · Today 07:48

Anyone who’s “accidentally” got this happening to them. For fucks sake put the cat outside it’s not yours.
There a very simple way of dealing with this OP but it’s not very pleasant. Just send your DH DB etc round to warn her off in a threatening manner. Everyone on here will be horrified but I guarantee she’ll leave your cat alone after that'

Are you for real?

You are really suggesting that the OP sends a male relative to threaten an elderly neighbour?

Is that how you deal with conflict?

Good luck with staying out of jail with that attitude...because I would get anyone who came to my own house to threaten me immediately arrested.

Also you sound like you have never owned a cat. They go wherever they want and 'putting the cat outside' does not mean he is not going to get back in the first chance he's got.

What a bizarre reply...

Pleasebeafleabite · 03/11/2024 07:48

Anyone who’s “accidentally” got this happening to them. For fucks sake put the cat outside it’s not yours.

There a very simple way of dealing with this OP but it’s not very pleasant. Just send your DH DB etc round to warn her off in a threatening manner. Everyone on here will be horrified but I guarantee she’ll leave your cat alone after that

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 03/11/2024 07:47

Could you get an 'Hannibal Lector' type mask for you cat? At least it would stop him eating next door.

Something like this?

Elderly neighbour feeding our cat
DisforDarkChocolate · 03/11/2024 07:47

You can't ask her to keep her door closed, you can close yours and keep the cat in.

The litter tray may be an attempt to keep the cat shit in one place if your cat shits in her garden.

BrightLightTonight · 03/11/2024 07:46

Make a catio in your garden so he can go out, but still stays in your garden.

liverpudcounsel · 03/11/2024 07:45

If the cat is unwell it will be you taking her to the vet and paying for it. I don’t think she should be feeding her as you don’t know what she has had and when. You could keep her in for a few weeks but she will have to go back out again.
Talk to your neighbour, invite her round for tea, let her see your cat as cat clearly wants to, but I would say the only rule would be no feeding. If she really wants to then to drop it around to you do that you can monitor what she’s eating.

MellowPanda · 03/11/2024 07:43

MopTopInAHop · 03/11/2024 01:22

Keep the cat inside, at least for a few weeks.

This op. It is the only way unfortunately.

Startingagainandagain · 03/11/2024 07:40

If the cat is an outdoor cat, he can choose to go wherever he wants...

I have my own cat, but my neighbour's cat started to get into my house from the day I moved in.

He enjoys playing with my cat, likes sleeping in my garden, drinks in my pond and comes into the house every time I open a door or window to help himself to any food my cat leaves and play with her toys. I even found him under my bed a couple of times.

He still goes into into his own home of course but spends a lot of time in mine!

I can't shut all my doors and windows all the time to keep the cat out. My own cat also needs to be able to go in and out of my house.

I think your elderly neighbour is probably lonely and enjoy your cat's visits. She is perfectly entitled to open her own doors and windows whenever she likes.

Your only solutions are to build a cat or cat proof your garden so he can't get out of your property.

Londonrach1 · 03/11/2024 07:31

Yabu. Keep your cat in and stop it bothering your neighbours.

whitebreadjamsandwich · 03/11/2024 07:25

We acquired a neighbours cat. It moved in for 10 happy years. When myself and my siblings all left home, that cat took itself back to its original house, which was now occupied by a new owner, and made herself at home there for the rest of her days. They definitely do make their own choices!

Iwantmyoldnameback · 03/11/2024 07:19

I have a cat that visits. I do nothing to encourage ihim we have no interaction at all but he sneaks in and I find him strolling downstairs. I like cats so I don't shout at him or anything but I have never fed him or petted him in anyway. I don't even know which bedroom he is sleeping in but it's definitely not mine.

OtterlyMad · 03/11/2024 06:52

Imagine the situation was reversed - that your neighbour was annoyed that your cat kept going into her house, sleeping on her bed, etc. and your neighbour had asked you to do something about it. What would your response be? If you would say “sorry it’s a cat so it just goes where it wants, there’s not much I can do about it” then you have your answer.