When you see me doing this I'm really ..

Thank you for understanding. I don't really know why it's Chris Pine. I just started imagining it on a car journey once while the kids were screaming in the back and it went from there. I vaguely recollect reading an interview with him at some point. I feel like he's the right mix of cool, friendly and positive (in my imagination of course but hopefully in real life too).

And he is a reminder that there is a big wide world out there apart from my little domestic goldfish bowl.

I'm glad I am not alone! Maybe I will look into Jeremy Irons or Alan Alda for Chris's holiday cover.

I live on a busy road. When I leave my home I wave at the front window to make it look like I'm saying bye to someone but there's no one home. I think I'm trying to deter possibly burglars from thinking no one is home

You could get one of those cardboard policemen they have in Home Bargains for the window. Give you someone to wave at.

@chrispineismybff I love this! Brilliant if it helps through the struggles of parenting young children. And Chris is right, you're doing a great job 😃

@chrispineismybff
I have some questions! I've no idea who Chris Pine is so how it it come to be him? Did you have other imagery supporters in the past or did he just 'appear' by your side one day? Did you consciously choose his creation or did he just move in?

I think this is by far the most brilliant creation ever.

I am well aware of the phrase “daft ha’porth”, having been called it by my grandparents for decades. But it’s a daft “ha’porth”, as in halfpenny, not an “apeth”.

Isn’t the sleeve then contaminated? Your hands can easily be cleaned again, but the top is harbouring the germs until goes in the washing machine

When my old window cleaners were here I would sit on the stairs - 4 steps down from the top - it is the only place in the house where you are guaranteed to be unseen from all windows.

I would see him coming down the street, grab the £20 from my purse to pay him, wait for the noise of the latch on the gate, then get into position. I would sit there for however long he and his guys would take to clean, then when the doorbell rang for payment I would wait another minute and saunter to the door slowly as if I’d been really busy and totally unaware he was even there despite the fact they were the noisiest group of men clattering their ladders and shouting at each other at top voice. I just felt completely creeped out by people being at my windows while I was in the room.

We ditched him a few months ago (because not only were they noisy, but there were actually also crap at cleaning windows), and have a new guy who uses telescopic poles so I can have the whole upstairs to myself while he’s here - it’s bliss!

*edited for typo

When I was younger, if I really needed to wrench my underwear out of my arse crack in a public place, I would do a little skip and sing-song , in order to divert the attention of anyone who may have been looking in my direction 😆

Everytime we're in a taxi and heading to the airport, so we're going to be away for a few days at least, I say loudly to my husband "oh I forgot to say to Max he can finish off the chicken in the fridge, I'll have to text him later and tell him".

Just so the taxi driver knows there's someone else living in our house so don't bother breaking in while we're away!

Max is our cat, my husband thinks I'm nuts but it makes me feel better and we haven't been broken into by a taxi driver yet so it works!! 😂😂

You just don't hear the voices that answer you.

I am picturing a 1WW army captn, a neanderthal, a trouserless 1980s MP, a slightly singed medieval peasant, an Edwardian lady a 17th century woman in a satin dress, a scout master with an arrow through his neck, a Tudor aristocrat with his head under his arm, an 18th century very minor poet, and a group of peasant plague victims.

I exaggeratedly pat my pockets as though I’ve forgotten something

I have the urge as well. But when you're a "normal" human being you think about others as well and you restrain yourself. The opposite Nike slogan should run in your head; " Just don't do it"

Given that only admitted to targeting “treat” styles of food rather than, say, a rib eye steak or fresh veg, I wondered whether these were items she was denied as a child and somehow felt, “well, if I can’t have them, no-one can.” And somehow, this petty, destructive (criminal) behaviour has continued into middle age.

Am just trying to understand the psychology of it, not defend the behaviour. I agree with everyone else that it’s pathetic, and to see someone use giggly emojis throughout to describe their actions is 🙄.

Pretty sure most dog walkers I see in the field, pretend to text so they don’t see their off lead dog having a shit.

OP actually asked “Are there things you do that you're covering for other things?” I don’t understand how the hilarious squashing of biscuits etc fits in to this.

Since I was a child, I've snapped chocolate bars, poked cakes, squashed packets of biscuits & crisps in supermarkets. I don't do it regularly, but when the urge happens, I just can't stop myself. It's like a compulsion

This is very interesting. I thought I was alone with this habit. I cannot decide whether it is a sensory seeking behaviour or related to an eating disorder that I used to have. Just out of interest, did you have an ED at any time?

When I used to order massive takeaways for myself I would get a can of Diet Coke and a can of normal coke, to look like it was for two people 🤣
Or when I used to midweek drink I’d rotate the shops I bought my wine, so the shop staff didn’t see me drinking almost every night.
Now a lot healthier thankfully!

I also agree. I was quite surprised they admitted that in a "haha aren't I daft?" way when it's actually really mean spirited.

They either ruin a treat for someone else or the stock has to be binned which is senseless waste. Fucking stop it.

To be fair it's a constriction of the full phrase
Half a pennies worth
Which becomes
H'apennies'orth
A time goes on
And, in the fullness of time on to
H'ap'orth

So given it's a full phrase really and not a word... Spell it however you like. 😁

I thought it was 'apeth'....

Get help...

@chrispineismybff I have a similar cheerleader to help me get to sleep. Tells me I'm great, gives me a hug. Maybe I'll enrol him into daytime cheerleading as well.

For some reason my cheerleader is Alan Alda's Hawkeye from MASH, not entirely sure why. I think I tried him out once in the cheerleader role and it was successful, so he has now played the part for a couple of decades. As a child Starsky and / or Hutch played the role but I grew out of them (showing my age a bit here).

I agree. It's horrible.

Having been a Jeremy Irons fan for 40+ years I’m now going to make him into my imaginary support worker.
Life just got better!

A wonderful elderly friend who lived alone had a glass porch on her house. Next to her shoes were a pair of size 11 work-boots. She said that was to deter burglars.