To understand why some women have children within a a short time with multiple different partners?

I think it's a really complex picture involving different themes for different women in this situation. Some women are repeating the dynamics of their own families (and those around them), some have really low aspirations/ self esteem and won't pursue a career but will find validation in having a baby, some seem to be hopelessly romantic and each time they have a relationship believe it's the one and want to sort of further validate that relationship with a baby.

I also think where single women (particularly poor women) have multiple children by multiple dads, everything they do is seen very differently by others. There are plenty of stay at home mums in traditional two parent middle class families who have their children watched a few times a week by grandparents for a bit of well deserved peace but no one cares.

Are the grandparents looking after the children all the time OP?

@Yesiknowdear
I am so sorry to read this and I applaud you for sharing this . Despite all your adverse experiences you have managed to break the cycle by understanding that this is not the way to live one’s life .
You should be proud of yourself.

Your post could have been written by 1 of my dear friends although she was the eldest of 7 , she also became the “parent “ at a very young age .

Sadly she is the only 1 of the 7 who broke the cycle .

I wish you happiness , contentment and success in your life , you deserve it .

What on earth are you talking about?
You agree it was right to lock up women in mental institutions for being ' promiscuous' and women that have children to different partners are all psychopaths?
This thread was right up your street to air your ridiculous views.

Some people are quite simply not that bright.

I wonder to what extent these mums make use of the GP when children are ill? I am guessing if you like the attention being mum you will access free healthcare a lot especially if you have the time to do so? Large families being a pressure on the state including health care and education so shouldn't we try and quantify this cost?

@Coconutter24
Realistically no grandparent is going to say no are they!?

In theory yes, in reality no.

The grandparents also have a choice to say no

Low intelligence.
Thinks she will hook a man by doing it.
Lack of ambition.
She knows no different.

There's a huge difference here to someone with multiple DCs who loves them and wants to do the best for them including looking after them, and not palm them off to grandparents at every given opportunity.

To be fair, it's always women of low IQ from dysfunctional or certainly disadvantaged backgrounds that fall into this category. I suspect someone will probably quote a well known exception to the rule, but they're only well know because they are an exception. The type of people who have this "lifestyle" are the same ones who keep 4 half starving dogs and immediately get another when those are taken away. I know some posters will say it's because there's a safety net (benefits) but I think these women would have umpteen kids anyway.

Programs like the Pause Project give women an opportunity to 'pause' and have 18 months of support to stop the detrimental cycle, trauma and impact of them and their children experiencing social care involvement, care proceedings and removal. Is it available in your area?

I don't understand the men's attitude when they already know that there are 3 children from different men but I do know that we are all animals and this is a good way to ensure that one of our children survived.

At the end of the day we do have a caring society in which of you decide to have a child no matter your social and financial circumstances the state will provide. We provide free healthcare, free dentistry free education, free school meals in some cuirumsatnaces, subsidised housing etc. If you are in the right politically you will ask is their sufficient disincentive for people to make choices that the rest of society will have to pay for.

The irony is we have a filing birth rate due to cast swathes of the middle classes deciding they cannot afford many children due to the cost of living and ever increasing house prices yet there is a subsection society that have a vastly differing perspecrive.

Having children is a choice and especially the choice of a large family. I suppose the question is whether people should face the consequences of their choices?

The more kids the more free .only they get from the Tax payer. They did an experiment in one state in America, only paid for one child. Birthrate dropped through the floor.

It really shouldn't be though. She's using other people to look after her children, choosing to sponge off tax payers landing us with a huge bill for multiple children and, most importantly, is not looking after the kids properly. I don't know what the answer is for these situations as whatever you do, you're going to impact on the kids and it's not their fault their parents are pointless, selfish spongers.

I think one interesting question is to what extent the benefits system motivates or supports these choices? It is noteworthy that Labour have not t removed the two child benefit cap despite a lot of pressure and I wonder if this decision is to ensure that there are financial disincentives to having large family sizes of the tax payer is finding that family?

reduce benefits and you may make people think harder about their lifestyle choices but will increase child poverty. It's a dilemma.

You do feel when asked to give food to a good bank whether you are compensating an absent non contributing father but I guess we are human and hate poverty in society.

Before the 2 child cap on tax credits came in, a school gate mum proudly announced her 4th pregnancy (with as many partners) as "another kid means more money coming in, and I don't have to find a job for another few years".... around these time we decided not to have a third because we couldn't afford it.

Different strokes for different folks.

Yep, same as the articles you often read about the overcrowding of social housing. Families of six in a two bedroomed flat. Obviously it is absolutely terrible for the children involved to live in such cramped conditions but a lot of people will point out the obvious, the parents keep having more and more children in the full knowledge that the existing children aren't housed appropriately. It almost feels like some of these parents are playing chicken with the state, getting their family into such a mess that the state will have no choice but to step in and give them the big house etc that they want.

Meanwhile all the news stories about child poverty are portrayed as if the state is massively failing the children. The role of the parents is often not even mentioned or if it is then the parents are portrayed as martyrs doing their best in such difficult circumstances. The obvious fact that they have created the whole situation themselves never seems particularly relevant.

An acquaintance has done this and I'm staggered really.
I think some posters are right that if you don't think having a baby requires much effort in terms of investment, child rearing, understanding how much your child's aspirations rely on you... Then why not have lots.

I also know of many dc who end up living with gp or in foster care because the people who brought them into this world have literally, moved on.

Different families wifh different partners.

I’ve always just assumed that they must be addicted to pregnancy, or certainly like the attention it brings, even down to being looked after and nurtured by a midwife, maybe due to not being successful or rewarded for anything else in life?
Of course that doesn’t necessarily explain the different dads, but it might explain why they keep having more kids even after each relationship has ended.

Some people just make poor choices.

I don't.
I know why and can see why, but I still don't understand why because I am judging by my own values.

I am not weak and uninformed.

I guess if you don't think a child needs all that much investment, then pregnancy doesn't seem all that much of a risk. Couple that with really liking having boyfriends and you end up with the situation you describe.

I find the "not understanding " a sign of a weak and unformed mind.

I think the men are a different question.

They're both having the sex initially, yes. Whatever might be said about choices there equally applies to both. Conception is where the male and female positions very much diverge. The women are at that point choosing to take on the reproductive labour, and after the first time they're doing so with the lived experience that it's more likely to be the mother who does more of the parenting. Essentially the men get to be much more selfish than the women. Even in a case like OPs relative, where the mother is shoving as much parenting as possible onto her own parents, I bet she still does more than the dad. So basically, the women are choosing something that's objectively more difficult, with a physical element they can't actually walk away from like men can.

Child poverty to an extent exists when people with no or low income have children and I suppose there will be those that question whether these parents give any thought to the cost of child rearing. Is under to what extent schools have to mop up the psychological baggage of the children of these mums in terms of mitigating the effects of poverty through the provision of good education?

Well in your in law case OP, if the grandparents are raising the children she doesn't have to deal with the consequences of her decisions.

She might rethink if she had the full force of raising 3 young kids singlehandedly.