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AIBU?

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To understand why some women have children within a a short time with multiple different partners?

307 replies

Beautifulweeds · 02/11/2024 23:42

Genuine question, arose in conservation today. An in law has 3 DC from 3 different Dads and is only 25 and is a single Mum to them. Their Dads are going about their normal lives, including sleeping with other women (probably more pregnancies) and don't have much to with their children. She's not the most invested Mum (meaning not at all) has to live off UC, leaves her kids with grandparents, who in reality look after them.

She has met another new fella, doesn't take precautions (oh I keep forgetting to take the pill) and it won't be long before she has another baby.

So, I guess my question was...hopefully you would learn from experience that you can and should take responsibility? Guidance doesn't always work, so same old patten repeated...meet someone, get pregnant, let someone else look after baby...taken away...fostering...adoption.

We've tried to help and intervene but a brick wall. X

OP posts:
TarnishedTrophy · 03/11/2024 00:03

RampantIvy · 02/11/2024 23:58

But the grandparents are picking up the slack, so "her body her choice" isn't a valid argument.

Again, other people’s choices. The OP doesn’t get a say in how other people behave, whether that’s recklessly reproducing with a string of unsuitable men, or being the grandparents picking up the slack over and over. If she’s likely to produce several more babies, if she had three and is only 25, at some point her parents will run out of capacity, and some of her children will end up in the care system, which may act as a wake-up call. Or not, obviously.

SpoonHeader · 03/11/2024 00:03

Apparently lots of short term, sequential sexual relationships has been labeled by those who study such behaviour.

I would give her a wide berth, if I were you OP.

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RampantIvy · 02/11/2024 23:58

lifeturnsonadime · 02/11/2024 23:51

Her body her choice?

But the grandparents are picking up the slack, so "her body her choice" isn't a valid argument.

lifeturnsonadime · 02/11/2024 23:51

Her body her choice?

PeriPeriMam · 02/11/2024 23:51

I mean, to answer your question, there could be reasons ranging from purely being totally feckless and having a touching faith in other people's ability to pick up your responsibility, to having some tragedy in younger life and horrible loss that you tried to fill with having babies to experience the love otherwise missing or lost. I think you probably all need her to just stop though, whatever the reason is.

Tittat50 · 02/11/2024 23:50

Did you mean to NOT understand in your title?

I don't understand it because for me it would be an absolute ball ache. I couldn't cope with having to manage 3 baby daddies.

I do think about what some people have endured, what they've grown up in, what they've learnt in that environment and therefore what template has been set in their mind. I'm not for parent blaming, but this sort of approach comes from somewhere. A desperate hope that this one will give her the little family dynamic she always wanted maybe? But the reality isn't working that way because she's picking or drawn to unavailable men and does not even realise it.

I don't know. I think things are often more complex and multi layered than we like to think.

TigerMum8 · 02/11/2024 23:47

I don’t understand these kinds of life choices. Nothing is gained aside from increased impoverishment. It certainly does not benefit the children. She isn’t thinking logically so reasoning won’t work. Best just to be there for her emotionally when needed (and within reason).

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