To understand why some women have children within a a short time with multiple different partners?

@Bumpitybumper

I think your right and it's the elephant in the room when it comes to tackling child poverty in the UK. If you look at a charity like children in need then you have a cohort of children with disabilities and a cohort who are suffering from other disadvantage. It is this disadvantaged cohort where charities and the media skirt round the reasons the children are deprived in the first place. It is the portrayal of the deprived child that gains sympathy (which is fine) but there are questions about the social circumstances that brought about the poverty and I have a feeling that many in this bracket are the single mums with low educational qualifications with multiple children from absent fathers.

I grew up in poverty and this situation was common. Having a baby gives the woman a purpose because the alternative is an unskilled job and a baby is more fun than that.

Personally I think it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

You have a child with someone who you think is your life partner. For whatever reason that breaks down and they toddle off and shag around elsewhere.

You then want to feel needed, don't want to feel like the single mum who isn't attractive and no one wants. Therefore you have a relationship but it's not built on the right foundations.

History repeats itself.

So I do t think it's necessarily a life "choice". I think it's bad choices based on poor self esteem. A bit like the pattern of meeting men who are abusive.

The reason I think this is I was the opposite. I had a child with someone who then cheated. I haven't been able to have a relationship for many reasons but a big part was I was afraid of history repeating itself so actively avoided situations where it may well do.

So I don't judge but I wish there was a similar sort of programme to the freedom programme for woman who experience this life path to help them.

This is an interesting point about judgement and poverty. I think you are right that these kinds of scenarios spark some cognitive dissonance in lots of people, including myself.

The facts are that people are rewarded in our society for having children. If you have enough kids then you can make it a lifestyle choice and you suddenly become entitled to more benefits, better housing and a degree of respect from society for being a mother single handedly raising all these children in poverty. It is easy to see why women with not many other appealing options want to go down this route and why they aren't discerning about the fathers they choose for their children. Often these women were raised without a father themselves so don't think this is crucial for a child. I think instinctively many people want to disincentivise women doing this as tax payers are basically funding these women to continue to breed recklessly and with little thought for the actual children that are stuck being raised in pretty bad circumstances.

Conversely though, I think most people want to stop child poverty and find it very difficult to accept that a child should suffer as a result of the actions of their mother.

I don't know what the answer is but I do think that there is a strong link between reckless breeding and poverty. The children are poor because people are purposely choosing to have these babies knowing full well that they don't have the financial means to raise them properly and that the children won't have a present and contributing father.

I see threads from women like this on MN all the time, and they are always from women with young children. So they haven't yet experienced how to parent a teenager.

@Yesiknowdear That was a hard read, I am sorry for what you had to endure no child should go through that. I hope that you have managed to find peace and happiness now as an adult

From my experience (not me! but people I have known)...

Insecurity
Low IQ/educational level
Crappy family

Being with someone = being loved, needed, wanted.
Getting pregnant by them = permanent connection (they hope)
Producing a baby = being loved, needed, wanted

And then its familiarity, its what they 'do', it's their identity and purpose, which seems bizarre when you see people who seem not to give a crap about their kids and leave someone else to do the actual child raising...

Its also familiar if thats what all the other people around you do, or expect from people like you.

Breaking free of that model is hard, if getting pregnant quickly, usually by men who don't really give a shit about you, is what is expected of you, it easily becomes what you expect yourself.

Trying to remain in education, get a better job etc, is really hard - doing so with no role models from family or friends, surrounded by people who will likely take the piss or worse, actively try to undermine you is incredibly difficult.

Moving away from such circles is also incredibly difficult - leaving everything you know to start life somewhere else if you're battling a poor education, crappy upbringing, no security.. and the anxiety and fear that brings with it. Impossible for most.

It is certainly significantly more complicated than just stupid young women being promiscuous.

Reasons will be varied and possibly complex. Why do you need to understand though?

Its interesting if Keir Starmer becomes ill a women who had a child at 16 with no qualifications will be in charge of the country. I think Angela Raynor's career trajectory might be exceptional but she is an example of how upbringing and immediate social circumstances can perhaps skew a young woman"a world view including that interface of class and aspiration.

Theres a difference between falling pregnant and choosing to continue a pregnancy. I do wonder about the women more than the men because they tend to carry the can, men like this just cba but if you get ditched with a baby it’s more work for you. Why sign up to a harder life, unless you actually are fine with doing the bare minimum to keep them alive. I think having DC is a lot of work myself, I won’t be having anymore because I’m already exhausted.

I think it’s because they believe if they have a baby the man will stay. Op’s SIL doesn’t sound like she loves being a mother if her parents are picking up a lot of the slack. Even if it were about benefits at some point you would run out of children anyway and you would have fuck all as a single person and no real career to fall back on.

I actually think the best thing is a therapist, she can’t be unaffected by having a child and then abandoned. It must be heartbreaking for her every time it happens but she doesn’t have the insight to understand it. I’d be devastated if DH had done that. I feel for her children, I think some people just have a void they are trying to fill.

Low self esteem and a deep.seated misguided desire to be needed. Possibly non academic with limited career choice and therefore defining herself by motherhood even with insecure partners. Lack of positive make role models that show police family life. After the first child it may seem the only way to keep a man and to have a potential step father is to hear another child.

From a societal level many parents as you describe probably fall into poverty and therefore are the one a lot of charities and campaigns are aimed at e.g. food banks. It is interesting when we do talk about poverty in the UK there is a reluctance to bring up this demographic of the single young mum with multiple children with differing fathers as it brings a lot of judgment. It's not the 50s Ireland any more but there is a lot of stigma and certainly many people would be very questioning of this lifestyle choice especially if the tax payer is involved.

Basically, genuine accidents can and do happen, but most contraceptive "accidents" are actually just failures to use contraception properly, which is why there is quite a lot of correlation of "accidental pregnancies" and "women who are a bit dim and poorly organized."

Plus, a lot of pregnancies retrospectively claimed as accidents were nothing of the sort. I'm constantly seeing posts on here about women who have had kids with crap men. Invariably, the claims of "accidental pregnancy." I am pretty sure that 9 times out of 10 it was nothing of the sort, it's just that openly admitting that "I chose to get pregnant with a useless man" is embarassing.

The majority of these people are poor. Poorly educated, have poverty of aspiration and have poor judgement. It seems to be be about gratifying their immediate needs and not considering the future. Most of them seem to be " the underclass". Of course there are examples of wealthy, high achievers behaving like this but they are the exception. Boris Johnston and Ulrika Johnson come to mind

Yes her body, her choice. Which is funded by the taxpayer and the children cared for by the grandparents.
How about “ her body, her responsibility, and that of the baby daddies”

I have a friend in this situation, 3 kids 3 different dads. And no dad's involved. She's always wanted to be a mum. I think that overrode any sense of practicality when thinking about the partner. Also she seemed to be more passive contraception wise. If they didn't want to use condoms etc, would just go along.

Plus poor upbringing/role modelling

Baby Addicts.

A woman I knew was one of ELEVEN children.

Her mother was addicted to babies, but lost interest in older toddlers and ''Fell'' pregnant again.
It was very hard for the older children.

https://youtube.com/shorts/ugS_3hyGASc?si=4FYfcUEc5oLHPrkx

If this MH analysis is right wing propoganda then I presume that you believe telling lies about biology is the left wing mental health form of propoganda?

Because desperate for attention and any attention is 'good' and yes there is a sector of society that lack intelligence and have an extremely narrow way of life plus being alone terrifies them

And I presume come from parents who have similar outlook on life, it just shifts onto the next generation

People can blame society but it stops and starts with parents and what thry teach their children whether intentional or experience

Or

• having not done particularly well in school, branded a 'failure' at the age of 16 (or earlier)
• being a mother is the one thing that has others see you as a responsible adult, making adult choices
• being praised after giving birth, reinforcing there's respect in motherhood
• gaining housing support and benefits otherwise not available when not a parent, thus avoiding the house share situation their more 'successful' peers are forced into at university and beyond

If you don't want young, multiple pregnancies, teach our young people self worth is not just for the intelligent crowd who are heading for uni. We should all feel proud to contribute to society by working - any work. Unfortunately - as you see on here all the time - unless you're a professional earning in excess of £80k a year with a husband earning more, you're a nobody. Give our young people a future, something to aspire to, so.wthkng that makes delaying pregnancy a legitimate opportunity and bit a perceived life of drudgery. Pride in paid work always.

Truthfully, I think .. they just don't think. There's no future planning, or even consideration for consequences.

For some, it's so they have an excuse to not face the world expected - career, house purchase, etc.

Some, like my friends' 4 DD's, have such a massive affection hole in their lives (she was a great carer, but abusive mentally). they had babies to fill it, as soon as possible. Move on from that bad relationship to another, have a baby. Or two. It's horrible as I see these babies and think, you poor things, you don't have a chance. Instead of improving their circumstances, they just kept having babies. I don't think they know how to do anything else, and live off benefits.

"I think claiming having one night stands or a series of short relationships does not turn a person into a psychopath is based in right wing propaganda."

If right wing mental health propoganda exists, I assume left wing does also?

Being promiscuous does not mean you are or are going to become a psychopath.

Homeless people are not either severely depressed or personality disordered with no other exceptions.

I would certainly hate to see a return to mental asylums in any form but especially for women with multiple children.

There seems to be a particular type of women who love the idea of babies. They seem to completely forget the fact that those babies will soon be toddlers then teenagers ( argh) and then adults who you still sometimes lie awake worrying about. So they think, I love babies I'll have another. That's my best guess .

Meh, men don't just have ONS with women.

Male psychopaths outnumber women 6 to 1. His theory that psychopaths are made if they have lots of ons is ludicrous. Were this true the split would be more even.