My DHs twin’s wife drives me mad. She’s really cold and shy toward us (me, DH and our 2 kids), but she sends amazing presents for birthdays and Christmas. She’s never visited us in London because she “hates” it, so we’re always the ones traveling to see them in Scotland. Every time we visit, she’s nice on day one, then by day two, it’s like she’s completely fed up with us—she’s downright rude, barely speaks to us, disappears to do her own thing, and acts like we’re a total inconvenience in her house. She also yells at my DS4 for minor things like sitting on the wrong part of the sofa, often upsetting him. We don’t usually come for more than 3 days and we’re good guests.
The whole gift thing just confuses me—she’s cold in person but sends my kids thoughtful presents, and does the same with my PIL who live abroad. She constantly sends them handmade cards from her son, which they love, but then complains about them horribly to her husband (they have no idea!) and refuses to speak to them aside from when she visits them once a year.
To make things worse, both they and my husband’s whole family put loads of pressure on us to visit them and none vice Verca. So if we don’t visit them .. our kids will simply not get a chance to be together. She refuses to visit PIL at the same time as us which was something we’ve suggested.
On the last trip, after the usual day 2 of rudeness I finally had enough and confronted her, asking if we’d done something to offend her. I admit I was angry, but I wanted to clear the air. Then, out of nowhere, my husband (who can’t stand her either!) didn’t back me up and actually started shouting at me for bringing it up. It was horrible, and now somehow I’m being painted as the problem, when all I’ve done is try to make things right.
Honestly, I’m so angry at her, at him, and at his whole family, who idealise her because she’s a “model old-fashioned wife” or does the right things on paper. But she’s really dismissive and rude and she’s getting away with it! While I feel like im making the effort to bring the cousins closer by traveling to them as requested , I send nice messages to her (not too much as I understand and respect that’s she’s an introvert and doesn’t want to be close) and I encourage my DH to stay in touch with his parents. I buy nice gifts too btw but is that more valuable than kindness, respect and connection ???Anyway I’m really starting to resent the lot of them. AIBU?