Hi, I'm rather late to your story Laura and I haven't read everything from your two threads but can I say just the first thing that hits me is WOW. You have made such massive progress in quite a short space of time. You should be so so incredibly proud of yourself for turning it around and putting your life back together. You are sounding happy, excited for the future, determined, resourceful and taken on challenges you'd never have been able to before.
I won't talk much about "he who shall not be named" because he's not worth it. Just to remind you that when you have the bad days and the insidious voice sneaks in like the skunk fart that it is, remember he spent years carefully crafting the weak victim he could control and convince they deserved whatever abuse he felt like. It's going to take time for you to get to a place where you truly understand that it's not you anymore. You are already taking the first steps into Laura the survivor, who knows who she is and what she's worth. You will love yourself and see what we, a bunch of random MNers can see, without having met you. A proud, strong woman who fights for her kids like the fierce warrior she has to be.
I'm so happy to hear that you are getting support from your parents and they have seen for themselves that your ex can't keep his halo in place. Abusers thrive in darkness and secrecy, that's why they isolate their victims from any form of support. Being able to be open and honest about what happened will allow your Mum and Dad to start to understand a little bit, but also be prepared for the things that they don't quite get. Until you are there or close to someone who has a similar experience, it can be quite confusing for them. Lots of people think, it can't happen to me. It's only people who are weak or have mental health problems who get abused. They can't understand why someone can still love someone who is cruel and tortures them. All of that is absolutely not true of course but it needs to be seen to be understood and they haven't seen it.
It's wonderful to see that you are starting to rebuild your relationship with your kids too. They are always going to love you and you are showing them all just how much you love them by being so resilient. I'm sure they are going to eventually see your ex for what he is and in some ways with them being older, he's going to have less and less say over them as they will be old enough to decide for themselves. At the moment however, they are reliant on him so will be walking the eggshell dance. Try to forgive them when you don't get the response from them you'd like, it's a difficult thing for them to negotiate. Especially with Mr Skunk wafting his poisonous stink around the place.
You will get through this and so will they. You will get to the beautiful smelling house, full of laughter and hugs, with a glittery tree full of spoon ornaments. You will gain friendship and support from many people and be able to like what you see in the mirror.
Nobody will ever again be able to make you think that you deserve it and you will be able to tell the next person who is taking the first step to get out, that yes it's possible. Not just possible but it's imperative and the future is so much better than they can conceive at the moment.
Sending so much love to you and your kids. Keep on being awesome xxx