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Left DP at pub to get home on his own

313 replies

Confused2691 · 02/11/2024 21:34

DP and I spent this afternoon (from 3pm) at our nearby friends. We had our 4m DD with us. DP and friends drinking, me not. We live at the end of a single track lane basically in the woods so have to drive everywhere, including the friends from today 10/15 mins away.

At 6pm we all walked to the local bonfire and fireworks. Got back to our friends village at 8.30pm. DP then told me he wanted to go for dinner and some more drinks at the local pub. Given it had been a long day for DD, past her usual bedtime and hadn’t slept much I said no, explaining why to DP and that we should go home. DP refused, saying he wanted another drink. He offered to not eat and just have a drink but I again repeated we needed to get home for DD who wasn’t very happy. He again said he wanted to stay so I said fine but I was going home in the car and he would have to find his own way home if he stayed. He said fine, he’ll walk. I left with DD.

The walk will take an hour at least and none of which on pavements. Both ways include walking down a main road with no pavements or streetlight. He could try a taxi but unlikely to get one at this time as we’re not in the big town. For background context, I always try to make an effort to pick him up if he’s out with friends drinking and I’m with DD at home. However he has been insensitive in the past such as refusing to make alternate arrangements for transport after a wedding when I was 10 days PP so I had to pick him up at 2am.. I hadn’t driven yet as was nervous to drive with baby and had an infected episiotomy so was still in pain driving. There is nothing other than the additional cost stopping him from booking a taxi, he has before, but he doesn’t. I think I need to put my foot down as he keeps taking advantage of me being a people pleaser. I’m also annoyed he couldn’t understand that our baby DD needed to go home.

That said, he thinks I’m being unreasonable so maybe I am. What do you think?

P.S he has just messaged asking me to pick him up! Currently feeding DD.

OP posts:
Copperoliverbear · 02/11/2024 23:26

Of course your are not being unreasonable, he is a selfish prick, who put drink first before his family.
Let the idiot walk home, serves him right.
I'd also turn the phone off so he couldn't call for a lift

BellissimoGecko · 02/11/2024 23:22

Well, don't pick him up tomorrow either! He can make his own way home. Selfish immature idiot.

Tiswa · 02/11/2024 23:22

Wolframandhart · 02/11/2024 23:06

So his solution, or rather his punishment for you, is to leave you alone with the baby all night. He is an arsehole.

Edited

This he really isn’t or is choosing not to get it at all is he

PeriPeriMam · 02/11/2024 23:17

He agreed he would make his own way home and he can do that tomorrow as well.

Codlingmoths · 02/11/2024 23:17

Edingril · 02/11/2024 22:10

Well I'd this was reversed on here he would be expected to pick you up

Are you new to Mumsnet? If this were reversed on here it is statistically far more likely that the op either a) wouldn’t have gone out after her dh wasn’t happy or b) would have been home hours ago after he sent her 12 texts about how it was too hard to get baby to bed.

CrispyCrumpets · 02/11/2024 23:16

YANBU. He is being selfish. When you have a 4 month old baby, you have to cater to their needs before your own need for a pint down the pub.

Projectme · 02/11/2024 23:15

DreadPirateRobots · 02/11/2024 23:11

Yay, yet another selfish prick who thinks that he donates sperm but otherwise his life goes on exactly as before, revolving around his needs.

I know. How fucking depressing.

SlightlyJaded · 02/11/2024 23:13

I would reply along the lines of:

This is not what we agreed. Please do not stroll home at 11am after I've been up for five hours with baby.

I don't know if you've lost the instruction manual, but please activate 'parent mode' immediately. I think it's usual for it to be activated at around the third trimester, so you are definitely well behind schedule and it's getting a bit embarrassing and wearisome.

Codlingmoths · 02/11/2024 23:13

It would have to be an actual emergency for me to put a baby in the car late at night to go collect dh. It’s never happened.

DreadPirateRobots · 02/11/2024 23:11

Yay, yet another selfish prick who thinks that he donates sperm but otherwise his life goes on exactly as before, revolving around his needs.

ThePoshUns · 02/11/2024 23:10

An hours walk is nothing. Leave him to get on with it.

AutumnCrow · 02/11/2024 23:10

This reply has been deleted

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Grin
MammaKel · 02/11/2024 23:09

Confused2691 · 02/11/2024 23:05

Thank you for all your responses.

I did not pick him up. He is staying at the friends house. I hope this is a wake up call for him but not sure - we did speak and he still thinks I am being unreasonable.

Don't pick him up tomorrow either, he can make his own way home as agreed.

ImNunTheWiser · 02/11/2024 23:08

Confused2691 · 02/11/2024 23:05

Thank you for all your responses.

I did not pick him up. He is staying at the friends house. I hope this is a wake up call for him but not sure - we did speak and he still thinks I am being unreasonable.

But you discussed it and he said ‘ok, I’ll walk back’.
Remind him of that.

Wolframandhart · 02/11/2024 23:06

Confused2691 · 02/11/2024 23:05

Thank you for all your responses.

I did not pick him up. He is staying at the friends house. I hope this is a wake up call for him but not sure - we did speak and he still thinks I am being unreasonable.

So his solution, or rather his punishment for you, is to leave you alone with the baby all night. He is an arsehole.

ImNunTheWiser · 02/11/2024 23:06

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Confused2691 · 02/11/2024 23:05

Thank you for all your responses.

I did not pick him up. He is staying at the friends house. I hope this is a wake up call for him but not sure - we did speak and he still thinks I am being unreasonable.

OP posts:
thaisweetchill · 02/11/2024 23:04

Absolutely not, what a selfish arse hole!

I made it clear to my DP that I will not pick him up past 7.30 if he goes out as that's our son's bedtime and he's never once broken that boundary. I would put my phone on silent and go to sleep.

Barrenfieldoffucks · 02/11/2024 23:03

In my relationship, this would be such an oddity I'd be pleased he was out with friends and would get the baby ready for bed, then put them in the car and nip out for him.

But in your relationship, I wouldn't... Cause he has form for being an arsehole.

BobbyBiscuits · 02/11/2024 23:01

He's a grown man. Of course he needs to safely make his own way home. One of you needs to parent the kids and he was unwilling. Why not just have another drink or two at home if you really need to. He was being really selfish. But I'd hope he's reasonable enough to know he's in no position to moan if it takes him ages to get home and he's cold and wet. Presuming there's no taxis?

user1471556818 · 02/11/2024 23:01

Imnotarestaurant · 02/11/2024 21:37

Let him walk.

Totally time to lay down new rules tomorrow. Go to bed and get some rest

MistyMountainTop · 02/11/2024 23:00

This isn't real, surely? No mother would disturb very young baby in order to pick up an adult who has been warned that she can't? Surely not, that would be appalling parenting

Gettoachiro · 02/11/2024 23:00

Hope you didn't take little one out and go and pick up this selfish arsehole.

Good chance you are tired and you shouldn't be driving anywhere if so for such a non emergency.

Tink3rbell30 · 02/11/2024 22:59

Nope he can make his own way.

Milkand2sugarsplease · 02/11/2024 22:58

No, not in a month of Sundays!!!

What kind of partner or dad thinks this is ok...???!

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