Left DP at pub to get home on his own

He is being a total arsehole. Is having gyet another drink more important than you and your daughter? He needs to grow up and sort his shit out!

This! What a silly twat. Not a chance would I even be giving any argument the time of day, you made your choice, fella, deal with it.

You have done the right thing OP.
If you had picked him up, you would always be expected to do so.

I agree that now he's a father, his needs come second for sure, and maybe even third after you...

His time for acting selfishly was when ge was single, comprising when he committed to you, and selflessly when pregnancy and baby cake along.

You will be doing a lot of advocating for you dc as they develop, so your action tonight is the start.
Your dc can't say for themselves that they do or don't want to do something, so you are doing the right thing by being a caring, loving responsible mother.
What is more, he should be thankful to you for showing your maturity in this matter, and loving you all the more for it.
You go girl 🥰

Except mothers tend to put babies first don’t they? Unlike men like him.. So what’s your point?

You know that you’re not being unreasonable. You have a big problem here OP. Switch off your phone and go to bed and in the morning when he’s sober tell DH that this can’t go on.

YANBU Baby comes first and he'd been drinking all day. Why couldn't he pick up from the bottleshop drinks to take home and have them there, instead of drinking in the pub?

That said, making you drive 10 days pp shows what a piece of shit he is. He should have been worshipping the ground you walked on, caring for you and driving you and helping you. What did your mum say about that? Did his mum know? Both your mum and his mum should have read the riot act. Sadly it sounds like you bred with a selfish worthless piece of shit who won't ever truly put you and the baby first, only himself and his convenience first. Are you sure you want to raise a baby with him. If he is not use to you when you're sick, have an infection and are in pain, what use is he? What use is he to you? He is adding to your work. I'd throw him out, he is more hindrance than help. If you want to stay with the pos I'd be sitting him down and really talking with him, and I'd NEVER let him forget he made you drive when you were sick and in pain. That is unforgiveable. I'd make sure he did a bloody sharp 180 or he'd know the relationship is over.

If this was a one off & he would do the same for me, then I would oblige.
If it's a regular billshit then I would ignore the text & be aware I'm living with a selfish prick

You have a tiny baby, he should not have been drinking heavily in the first place. He should have stayed sober and driven you both home at your baby’s bedtime, putting you both first. I am shocked he would call you to go out in the middle of the night with such a tiny baby. He needs to start caring about your safety,you must be exhausted.

Does he have a drink problem op?
I hope you have real life support, keep posting here MN will be here for you 💐

This was so unpleasant to read. What a horrible father and partner. He needs to wake up quick before you realise life is better without such a horrible burden of a person. Awful! Red flags galore 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 4 months old too! Wow wow wow. I'm so sorry.

He needs to start acting like a father not a single bloke. Dragging a baby out late at night is for emergencies only.
Getting you to pick him up 10days pp with an infection is just cruel

It sounds like you have 2 children! What an a* he is a father now and needs to prioritise your daughter (and you). Don't be mad, don't be angry, just be 'done' with enabling his selfish, mysoginestic behaviour by letting him walk. To be honest when he gets home I would tell him to keep on walking, his behaviour is unacceptable and what you allow will continue.

@Confused2691 he sounds like a twat OP. I too have a 4 month old and would not accept this selfishness from my DP. I’m lucky he doesn’t drink though.

It annoys me so much what when we have babies our lives change so much, always putting babies needs before our own. Whereas the dads lives change nowhere near as much and they still continue putting their own wants and needs first

He needs to grow up fast and wake up to the fact you have a child, so he needs to stop acting like one.

Good that you didn't go to pick him up.

What an ass.

Well done you for putting your child's needs before your own x

His solution is to not help with nighttime parenting tonight and then turn up at his leisure tomorrow? Does he remember he had a child and that he isn’t supposed to assume you will be the default parent?

even my very egalitarian husband did struggle with that one a bit. I automatically realized I couldn’t even leave the room without making sure he was the parent in charge. Yet he would just announce he was heading to run an errand without even asking if I was available to be the parent in charge for the duration of his absence. I had to nip that in the bud very quickly, but he got it

He’s putting alcohol before you and the baby - fuck him

Exactly. Not a chance I would have gone out

I wouldn’t have taken a four month old baby out from 3pm till 8.30pm tbh, let alone stay out even later. He needs to realise things change when you children. Forget bonfire nights of yesteryear, when you pile in the pub after fireworks, shit gets real now, he’s a grown-up with a child.

He sounds like a selfish prick. He’ll probably get a great nights sleep staying at his mates compared to being at home with the baby.

I’m horrified by the wedding pick up anecdote and his general lack of prioritising your DD. On the basis of that I think not picking him up this time, or any time he doesn’t arrange it in advance and mutually agreed, is the way to go.

But I also wonder why you are living so far away from others in a difficult to get to place if at least one of you is a big socializer (and I may have misunderstood from your OP, but it sounds like this isn’t a particularly unusual situation)? If you have been the driver behind living where you do, then I think there is some need for compromise or different approaches to this issue if you’re going to stay together (the concerns above make we wonder if he’s partner material at all, though).

You are not being unreasonable.

There are too many men out there who pull shit like this, and unfortunately we only find out after the baby is born that it's a thing they do .

This sort of thing will go on for years (speaking from experience), unless you are very lucky and he quickly realizes he's being a tw*t.

Not only that, the 'mate' he is out with also needs to do better and support him to do the right thing.

I bet you any money he’ll roll in tomorrow afternoon, having left you alone with the baby (and still in pain) while he had a night away.

That’s job done, from his point of view. He asked for a lift, you said no, so it’s somehow your fault he’s had to be away overnight.

One of the saddest posts I've read.
OP, you and your daughter deserve more.
If he starts crapping on when he gets home tomorrow (hungover) ask him how would he feel if this happened to his daughter. Make him think.

No more lifts for him op, he either comes home to parent along side you or he finds his own way or he can fuck off.... permenantly.

Unbelievable behaviour. He needs to grow up.

Imagine expecting your wife to leave the house with a tiny baby at that time of night in order to collect you from the pub. Does he seriously not see how thoughtless that is?

Glad you didn't collect him. You're not his taxi anymore.

“Avatartar · Today 00:29

He’s slow on the up take OP, his life now revolves round DD - he’s not passing probation as a parent yet.
She’s your priority and should be his too. Lay it on about how you’re still recovering from growing a person and learning how to look after her on your own as he keeps opting out.”

This. He needs to realise he can’t just do what he wants when he wants anymore. Parents can’t: especially when the DCs are little.

YANBU and he needs to sort his shit out as carting the baby around at all hours only gets more difficult as she gets older