Left DP at pub to get home on his own

I don't think it's about 'use'. You seem very black and white.

I'd feel more relaxed just having my partner around in the house, because it helps cement the feeling of being a family unit/ there wouldn't be this nagging worry he'd phone later/ after putting the baby to sleep OP would truly be able to start winding down herself with someone she feels safe with.

I get that both mums and dads should be given freedom to go out/ relax sometimes away from their children, but he'd been doing that for about 5 hours already. In any case, OP didn't say that was the issue and she'd voluntarily waived everything I mention above. Your earlier post about 'why did he need to leave?' was needlessly hair-splitting/ earnest - it was obviously just for practical reasons and not because the OP is determined to ruin her partner's fun.

OP I had the same thought re. binge drinking. It's worrying that he insists on going on to the pub after having had several drinks already at friends' place, and especially that his idea of a compromise was to offer to 'only drink' and not eat to speed things up.

Wanting to drink more and then falling asleep on the sofa instead also sounds like he craves alcohol even if his body has already had more than enough.

Of course you're more than reasonable to not pick him up in this scenario; I'd make it an iron rule not to facilitate him getting extra drinks in. But if he doesn't accept that in good faith, if he doesn't realise that his priorities have to change thoroughly, then potentially you have a big problem on your hands. I hope he sorts himself out.

I hadn’t driven yet as was nervous to drive with baby and had an infected episiotomy so was still in pain driving.

I’m afraid your partner is completely selfish. He prioritised getting pissed over you, his partner. Ignore the having had a baby for a moment, if you were 10 days post surgery it would have been totally inappropriate to expect you to go get him at 2am. BUT, you had just carried and birthed his daughter and he had no consideration of your health nor for his days old daughter. He’s awful, sorry.

With regard to dragging babies around all over the place, I know some people think it’s totally acceptable to have them out at all hours when they’re that young, but they need to rest. If she’s in a routine then your life is dictated by that. I’m guessing you do all of the childcare so if the routine makes your life easier then that’s what you do. He’s not onboard with how your life changes when you have a child and that’s his choice, but he’s going to be left behind. You are caring for and nurturing a person, teaching her how to exist in the world and how to deal with all the things she’s going to come across as she gets older. He’s going to the pub. That’s where you’re at.

I remember when mine were about 6 months and BIL was coming for lunch. He was about 2.5 hours late, I’d kept lunch from being ruined for as long as possible but it was time for their nap. I said I was taking them out (they only slept in the pushchair) and MIL wasn’t impressed asking “Oh, are you not waiting to greet your guests?” 😂 Aye, no. Not when they can’t be arsed to arrive even vaguely on time. I’m not even going to say “have a routine but don’t let it dictate what you do”. Do what you need to do. Make life as easy as you can for yourself as it sounds like you’re going to be carrying the load pretty much on your own.

I think everyone on this thread has now got the measure of you and your hairy hands.

Sorry OP, there’s always one on every thread.
Hopefully they’ll go onto a different thread soon or get a life and stop all together.

OP, I am glad you stuck to your guns and didn't pick him up.

Does he have a binge drinking problem? He will need to kick this in the head now he is a dad.

When I had my DS, I was very much like your DP, constantly pushing boundaries for lifts and getting drunk quite often on nights out. It's something I actually apologised to my ex for many years later once I realised my behaviour was unacceptable.

Once a baby is born, the priority is on them especially when they are young.

You are way too used to putting his needs first and assuming if he wants you to do something, then the default response from you should be "yes of course dear, I know you agreed earlier you wouldn't ask me to do this but of course as you are my lord and master, then you can summon me and I will jump".

You should of course be the master of yourself, but failing that it's probably going to be dd for the next little while anyway. And of course dd should be the boss of your pitifully self-centred husband too.

How immature he is. Most unattractive.

Thanks for finally seeing sense 🙌 🙏 👏

OP, he doesn't sound great, certainly not an involved committed father if he thinks it reasonable to be dragging a baby out unnecessarily.

Good fathers do not do that.
I hope you return to work, keep family and friends close and keep your money separate.
I suspect you are going to need all of the above.

And he gets a full nights sleep while you are up with the baby.

This. Jesus wept there are some sad excuses for husbands/ fathers around. Your line should have been drawn when the useless, selfish tosspot made you collect him at 2am, 10 days PP.

How old are you both? It sounds like he's not ready to be a dad in terms of acceptance of the inevitable curtailment of social life that comes with it.

I hope that when his friends start having children they'll show him up by behaving the right way (hopefully they won't start all enabling each other to be dicks with their wives/partners). He seems very selfish and unfeeling.

When I have said OP is the wrong?

Please stop lying and trying to derail the thread.

I literally said she did the right thing because he should get himself home and there’s no way I would have messed up my baby’s routine by picking someone up.

I once did the same with my ex'dp'. We were at a party in Dagenham (we lived in Basildon). My ds was 18 months and had had enough ( I had also had enough!) He refused to go home at 1am so I left him there and drove home. No idea how he got home, I never asked.

They must have really low barr of what is acceptable in relationships.

No point in trying to get them to see ops side, to far engraved in patriarchal nonsense

You're weird defending misogynistic behaviour lol

You must have low Barr if you think op is wrong

He needs to grow up. Stand your ground OP or he will expect you to taxi him about all the time

“She should never have said no in the first place”.

Why? Because it’s assumed a mother should take responsibility for looking after a baby while the father opts out on a whim, without agreement?

She didn’t ‘allow’ him to stay out. He chose to do it.

People choose to become a parent. With it comes parental responsibility.

Sadly you have a partner who needs to grow up now you have a baby but he still sees himself as a single male who likes to drink.He doesn’t even imagine why you wouldnt go out again in the cold damp air with a young baby who is asleep late at night.Sorry you have this to deal with just make it clear you are not turning out late at night.Hopefully he will mature.

Are you ok?

You’re literally just making stuff up and saying posters have said them.

I’ve not once said he shouldn’t have got a taxi or have got a problem with OP.

I said either of them should be allowed out as long as it’s not a regular thing and she shouldn’t pick him up.

If he wants to stay out then he needs to get himself home.

Perhaps you’re just one of these that like to derail the thread by trying to start an argument between posters.

There are several posters who start calling posters trolls or men to either create an argument or because they have a different opinion to them.
It’s weird.

@Confused2691 why are you pandering to this total bullshit?

You have a daughter now. You need to role model self worth for her sake. It’s lovely that you want to please people in your life but there’s a fine line with being a total walkover.

You’re there and he knows it.

Just the description of being in pain after birth but still driving him tells me he’s a selfish bastard and you need to raise your bar and work on boundaries.

I hope you don’t pick him up today either and make the point he goes out he gets himself home start as you mean to go on.

Don't see what your problem With op is then.

Op ignore these people, they are obviously trolling you unfortunately.

I’ve never said he shouldn’t get a taxi.
Where are you getting that from?

I said it’s on him to get himself home.

And that I would never mess up my baby’s routine picking someone up.

As I said in my post that you quoted (if you actually read it), was that it’s fine for either of them to go out but it’s on that person to get themselves home.

Where have I said he shouldn’t get a taxi?

You havent explained why he shouldn't be getting taxi home, which is the issue.

Explain that part please, why baby and should be going out late in cold when baby should be asleep.