Left DP at pub to get home on his own

Your friends sound a bit immature and selfish, too.

I’m sorry @Confused2691 , in those circumstances I would be telling him if he chooses to stay out, I’ll be turning my phone off and then doing so. At least you will be avoiding the guilt trip. There isn’t really any emergency that can’t keep till morning, is there?

Which part of the baby did he want?? I can’t get over the incredible selfishness of making you pick him up while recovering from a c section in pain, much less expecting you to put baby in car at night to get him. If this man is salvageable you need a come to Jesus talk where you say you wanted this baby, but you weren’t there for me post birth recovering. We have this baby now and I can’t make you love her or care for her but I do both, and I will not put your wish for a drink ahead of her welfare. I will not bundle her into a car to pick you up. If you were a better father or husband you wouldn’t be asking either, I’m so disappointed in you.

It sounds like you have a toddler and a baby. You shouldn’t need to be convincing the father of your child that baby’s needs come first.

When will this end? What will happen when you DD is 3 or 5 or 9? Will they still be dragged out of bed to collect their boozy father? Or will he try to convince you that you can leave them home alone for the 20 minutes it takes to collect him? 🤔

A friend of mine was killed some years ago walking home drunk along an unlit road with no pavements. He had two young kids. The devastation it caused was unreal. Your DH is being both immature and incredibly foolish to not stump up for a cab fare if he insists on staying out.

@Confused2691 You sound a lovely, respectful person. I agree it’s best not to air gripes about partners with family, unless there’s abuse. Bad patches can be overcome in relationships, but family can continue to judge or feel awkward. Better to confide in trusted friends who are solely your friends and never/rarely see your partner.

To achieve equity in a relationship, you should expect a partner who’s equally lovely and respectful. Hopefully, yours will step up and prove to be so. He may need it explaining to him. But not repeatedly.

Regardless, nuture good, pre-partner friendships and a few new ones who don’t meet your partner much. They’re gold in being there just for you. And you for them.

Surely when the baby has settled the OP is also getting some much needed rest in the evenings! Not waiting around to roust said baby and collect her OH at all hours so he can carry on drinking with his friends!

What's worse, when she DOES actually cave and collect him at all hours, SHE is the one that has to re-settle and get the baby to sleep so she can go to sleep (again), too!. He just pisses off to bed!

You need to start planning for you and your baby's future.
He is simply horrendous.

I generally agree with you, but life should not revolve around children, children have to fit in with adult schedules (except when breastfeeding, which works best if done on demand). OP wants to go home. She can. She does not have to go out again,with baby, to fetch DP who has chosen not to go home. He can walk, get a taxi or crash on someone's sofa. A conversation needs to be had between OP and DP as to why she is NOT a taxi service.

This reminded me of my ex so much. The thinking popping in the car not a big thing when it messes up a baby routine. Getting the huff when you say no. You not telling your parents about this stuff because you don't want to make him look bad then they think he's great.

You know why he doesn't think it's an issue disturbing the baby routine? I would put money on the fact he doesn't know because he's leaving it all to you with the baby. And you breastfeeding is used as the excuse you accept but then when breastfeeding stops he will be in his habits and expect you to do it all still.

My ex actually started getting abusive when I tried to get him to do more. And because I'd always covered up how he treated me re the lifts and no housework an always doing what he wants etc my family thought I was ridiculous for leaving him. I had judgment from everyone because I'd hidden the reality from everyone.

Op tell your family and friends the truth of your relationship. If it's a good relationship then there is nothing to be ashamed of. My sister has an amazing husband and she can moan about him to me and I can be sympathetic and let her vent and we both know he's a good guy and all relationships have minor bumps in the road. If he's a good guy you don't need to be coving anything up!!

I doubt very much your problems are just the lifts. You deserve better. By all means don't just throw the towel in and run you can try to fix it but stand firm you won't be treated like the support human, the second class human, the home help. You are more than a mother and a partner you are your own person. And he should be more than his own person he should also be a father and a partner. Accept nothing less

I'm glad you didn't pick him up last night! I hope you didn't pick him up this morning either. He chose to stay out instead of coming home with his partner and young baby, so he can sort himself out!

This whole thing is ridiculous. He still thinks he can drink and party like an unemployed teenager and his mum will pick him up.

Read him the riot act.

You are being unreasonable if you go and collect.
Your baby should come first to you even if it doesn’t to him.

He let you go home expecting a lift home .
@Confused2691 time to put your foot down and stop letting him walk all over you

Also if he continues to be an arse about this and giving you the cold shoulder I’d really recommend going to stay with your parents for a bit to get some actual support and make a clear point that you will not put up with this behaviour.

YANBU. Life does change after DC, it has to, you aren't the carefree single no responsibility person any more.

He needs to grow up and realise that he has a young family. He needs to stop being so selfish and expecting you to disturb the baby and pick him up at any point.

You need to say NO quite firmly, and he needs to find his own way home.

The very fact that he expected you to drive 10 days PP and in pain shows you what a selfish arse he is.

For him to say YABU to not pick him up, is outrageous.

I think he’s shocked that you now have someone in your life (DD) who you are willing to prioritise above him. It’s infantile behaviour from him, you’re not his mother, you’re the mother of HIS child and you are rightly prioritising them over his need to continue to drink long into the evening. Hopefully this will send a clear message that he needs to grow up. I think you are 100% in the right. Next time you go out I’d set a really clear expectation and if he decides to change the playfield at the last minute then that will be on him.

Do your parents live nearby? Do you have a close relationship with them? How do they feel about your boyfriend?

She can say no. Because she knows he will hassle her for a lift later if he stays. And he did just that.

So OP was right to say no they should go home.

Your partner is not adjusting to his new circumstances and his priorities are frozen in time.

You know what you are saying is right, you just needed affirmation and you have it in buckets.

Just let him read the thread. He needs to realise he is the one that has the wrong mindset and the selfish mindset he is displaying showcases his lack of maturity and lack of concern for the well being of you and your child.

You are being fair minded in allowing him time out with his friends, he is not being fair minded in his expectations of you being his chauffeur whilst nursing a young baby. He needs to grow up.

He also seems selectively deaf. When you give him fair and some would say generous options (as perhaps he should be giving you a break from the baby instead of being drunk), he hears what he wants to hear.

Its not a relationship breaker on its own, its him failing to acclimatise to his new family situation, stand firm, he needs to suck it up!

He sounds very immature and belligerent. He also sounds that he doesn’t respect you or care about the wellbeing of your daughter. Is he an active father and a supportive partner otherwise?

I am not annoyed about him staying out, just the continued expectation that I will always pick him up with DD when there are other options available if he actually arranged them.

In no universe is this an unreasonable statement, and anyone who thinks that traipsing a 4m old baby out in the car late at night, to pick up an adult out drinking, is reasonable, has very questionable priorities.

OP I find it interesting your parents don’t know about these demands for lifts. If his own mother got angry about it, I should imagine your own parents would go
apeshit.
Absolutely no thought for your safety or that of your baby’s getting you out of bed when you were very poorly, and you are clearly settled into a routine.
It is clear it’s the alcohol which is ruling his decision. If you have spent all day with your friends you don’t need to spend all night with them as well. You can actually have a great time, have a few drinks, and then go home.
You really need to make a stand on this because at the moment he knows your good nature means you want to help. So glad you didn’t get up last night. Once it gets colder/icier it’s the last thing you should be doing with your baby.