Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Left DP at pub to get home on his own

313 replies

Confused2691 · 02/11/2024 21:34

DP and I spent this afternoon (from 3pm) at our nearby friends. We had our 4m DD with us. DP and friends drinking, me not. We live at the end of a single track lane basically in the woods so have to drive everywhere, including the friends from today 10/15 mins away.

At 6pm we all walked to the local bonfire and fireworks. Got back to our friends village at 8.30pm. DP then told me he wanted to go for dinner and some more drinks at the local pub. Given it had been a long day for DD, past her usual bedtime and hadn’t slept much I said no, explaining why to DP and that we should go home. DP refused, saying he wanted another drink. He offered to not eat and just have a drink but I again repeated we needed to get home for DD who wasn’t very happy. He again said he wanted to stay so I said fine but I was going home in the car and he would have to find his own way home if he stayed. He said fine, he’ll walk. I left with DD.

The walk will take an hour at least and none of which on pavements. Both ways include walking down a main road with no pavements or streetlight. He could try a taxi but unlikely to get one at this time as we’re not in the big town. For background context, I always try to make an effort to pick him up if he’s out with friends drinking and I’m with DD at home. However he has been insensitive in the past such as refusing to make alternate arrangements for transport after a wedding when I was 10 days PP so I had to pick him up at 2am.. I hadn’t driven yet as was nervous to drive with baby and had an infected episiotomy so was still in pain driving. There is nothing other than the additional cost stopping him from booking a taxi, he has before, but he doesn’t. I think I need to put my foot down as he keeps taking advantage of me being a people pleaser. I’m also annoyed he couldn’t understand that our baby DD needed to go home.

That said, he thinks I’m being unreasonable so maybe I am. What do you think?

P.S he has just messaged asking me to pick him up! Currently feeding DD.

OP posts:
Amammai · 02/11/2024 22:36

He needs to switch himself on to parent mode. You have probably been fully in that mode since you found out you were pregnant! He is being selfish and immature. I have no problem with my husband going our for drinks etc. and it is something I absolutely love to do too, but we each arrange our own way back. Simple as that. Uber/lift share/walk but I would never expect him to bring the kids out to pick me up and the same for him. It’s just not fair on thee other person of the baby/child!!

itsmylife7 · 02/11/2024 22:35

StampOnTheGround · 02/11/2024 22:33

I really hope you didn't pick him up!

Bet she did but hope I'm wrong.

LivinInYourBigGlassHouseWithAView · 02/11/2024 22:34

Sounds like you have two babies...

Tell him to walk or spend his own money on a taxi.

StampOnTheGround · 02/11/2024 22:33

I really hope you didn't pick him up!

AgainandagainandagainSS · 02/11/2024 22:32

BananaSpanner · 02/11/2024 22:25

Seeing as she’s gone quiet, I bet she’s picked him up.

Or hopefully gone to bed.
I can imagine tomorrow will be rather silent in their house…

PaminaMozart · 02/11/2024 22:31

Nanny0gg · 02/11/2024 22:05

Not half as pissed off as you should have been when you went out for him shortly after giving birth!

What on earth were you thinking?

He needs to grow up and realise he's a parent and he needs to be a better one than he is a partner!

Start putting your foot down

This. If you were to pick him up now you'd be making a rod for your own back.

Does he even begin to realise the magnitude of the responsibility he has taken on by becoming a parent?

Maray1967 · 02/11/2024 22:30

10 days - but 20 would have been bad as well!

Maray1967 · 02/11/2024 22:29

Your child needs to be in bed. Your other child can walk home. And I can’t believe you drove 20 days pp with an infection. No way would I have done that unless for an emergency, and neither would my DH have asked. Yours needs to learn one big lesson.

He chose to stay out drinking. There are consequences- and he needs to accept them.

4forksache · 02/11/2024 22:28

Will he know you’ve read it? if not, I’d just pretend you fell asleep and didn’t see/hear it.

PyongyangKipperbang · 02/11/2024 22:28

"No. I said when I left that you would have to get yourself home, so get yourself home. We have a baby now, time to stop just thinking about yourself you selfish twat. Better still, dont bother coming home at all because I dont want to see or speak to you right now"

violentovulation · 02/11/2024 22:27

Edingril · 02/11/2024 22:10

Well I'd this was reversed on here he would be expected to pick you up

No he wouldn't. She'd be getting a bollocking for leaving her baby with her husband and getting sloshed, while he went home.

Missreginafalange · 02/11/2024 22:27

Ponderingwindow · 02/11/2024 21:39

Tell him it’s time to start acting like a parent.

you don’t need to expend any energy picking him up. He should have ended the outing when your child was done for the day. Your baby doesn’t need to get dragged back out while you play chauffeur.

Edited

This, he's a man child.

WYorkshireRose · 02/11/2024 22:26

How long will you continue putting up with this OP? Dragging a baby out of bed at night to pick up their waste of space father from the pub? It's not a good look, and makes you as bad as him IMO.

mindutopia · 02/11/2024 22:25

I have never once in our 16 years together picked Dh up from anywhere. He’s a grown up. If he wants to go out with friends, the responsibility is his to figure out how to get home. We live equally rurally. 95% of the time if he goes out, which is only every other month or so, for a big night out, he will stay over with his friends who live in a village/town and drive himself home the next day. You have a 4 month old. You need sleep. He won’t be up at 6am tomorrow with the baby giving you a lie in. This absolutely won’t be sustainable with a 2 year old or a 5 year old.

BananaSpanner · 02/11/2024 22:25

AgainandagainandagainSS · 02/11/2024 22:24

Do met us know how this turned out in the morning

Seeing as she’s gone quiet, I bet she’s picked him up.

AgainandagainandagainSS · 02/11/2024 22:24

Do met us know how this turned out in the morning

Demonhunter · 02/11/2024 22:23

Edingril · 02/11/2024 22:10

Well I'd this was reversed on here he would be expected to pick you up

Like fuck would he!

You Lyin Lauren Lake GIF by Lauren Lake's Paternity Court
Noseybookworm · 02/11/2024 22:21

Can't he crash on your friend's sofa? I wouldn't be going out to pick him up with a 4m old baby! He's a grown man, he wanted to stay out instead of coming home with you, he can sort himself out!

Demonhunter · 02/11/2024 22:20

Nah he can fuck right off! You have a baby to feed and settle, a baby he is 50% responsible for and the stupid dick thinks he can stay put drinking while you take baby home and get you to pick him up when he wants.

Fuck Off Go Away GIF by CBC
Combattingthemoaners · 02/11/2024 22:20

Edingril · 02/11/2024 22:10

Well I'd this was reversed on here he would be expected to pick you up

No he wouldn’t and it would never be reversed because this OP clearly puts her child before her own needs. Stupid post.

jen337 · 02/11/2024 22:20

YANBU. He’s an adult so should be able to get himself home, and a parent so should put the child’s need first.

Sevenwondersofthewoo · 02/11/2024 22:18

Edingril · 02/11/2024 22:10

Well I'd this was reversed on here he would be expected to pick you up

Nope she’d be told to get a taxi

Maria1982 · 02/11/2024 22:15

You are NOT being unreasonable. He is. The needs of a young baby come first. In fact the needs of a young baby frequently come before a parents need for sleep, hot food and etc , let alone his desire to go to the pub!!

please don’t go and collect him. You are feeling your child. Once you’ve finished feeding I hope you can both get some sleep (though you may be tying yourself into knots over this).

take heart from the unanimous response on here !! Everyone thinks he is out of order

SaveMeFromMyBoobs · 02/11/2024 22:14

Of course you can't, baby is feeding, and then I would assume baby in bed! He'll have to get himself a taxi.

mrsfollowill · 02/11/2024 22:14

What a knob - don't even contemplate - would honestly just message back no chance you're a grown man sort yourself out start walking (you total prick)

Swipe left for the next trending thread