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Original poster

Old friend keeps blocking me - can’t understand why?

30 replies

BySharpLurker · 02/11/2024 20:39

Looking for some outside perspectives on a friendship situation that has me feeling pretty confused and disappointed.

I have this old friend, Sandra, who I’ve known for years. We’ve had our ups and downs, but generally, when we’re in touch, it’s been easy and enjoyable. That said, she has a habit of randomly disappearing on me, and sometimes even blocking me. After a while, she’ll just unblock and start chatting again.

Recently, she went quiet again. I tried to reach out to see if everything was alright, sent a friendly message, and asked if she wanted to catch up sometime. No response - just straight-up blocked again. No falling out that I’m aware of, nothing I can think of that would’ve caused offence.

It’s left me feeling pretty down and a bit hurt. I get that people can get busy, or maybe she just didn’t want to meet, but the blocking feels extreme and, honestly, a bit confusing. Part of me wonders if I’m overthinking it, but who wouldn’t in this situation?

Has anyone else had a friend act like this - coming and going, or blocking and unblocking with no clear reason? How do you handle it when a friend’s behaviour is this unpredictable?

OP posts:
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cuppaonce · 13/11/2024 02:26

i block friends when they piss me off. one is just hard work, shes a user, and just not enjoyable to be around. Shes in a friendship group, we all moan about her, and i cant be doing with her shit. I know she would be phoning me to ask what shes done wrong to upset people and them ill get blamed for telling her straight, and then she will be key board warrior ! cant be doing with her at all.
The other friend i have blocked temporarily because shes insisting that she and her hubby come and stay with me in the winter, and i just dont want them til the summer. I have an old house and i cant afford to heat all the rooms. They come every year in the summer. They can wait til then .

BabyCloud · 02/11/2024 23:43

Block her so that she can’t ever do it again.

Noseybookworm · 02/11/2024 22:46

How do you know that you're blocked? I would just ask her why she does it - I have a friend who regularly will deactivate her Facebook for a few weeks and then come back on - could she be doing that?

Coolasfeck · 02/11/2024 22:29

She’s not your friend and is emotionally abusing you in a way.

I had ‘friend’ like this. She was popular and fun but would sometimes go cold on me or even make arrangements and not turn up. I used to make attempts to run after her. After a while I realised she was on a Mean Girls thing but we’re not in secondary school.

I stopped contacting her. At most I say hi if I see her in the street. Not long ago she sent a WhatsApp of an old photo of us and said it would be lovely to meet for a drink. I just replied with a heart emoji and left it. She’s probably burned through other friends.

Emmadaily · 02/11/2024 22:19

Sandra is Not a friend

Move on a be happy x

cwcanfo · 02/11/2024 22:13

I couldn't be arsed with this at all and I'd just let the friendship die. I wouldn't block her back but I wouldn't bother with her again.

Pandasnacks · 02/11/2024 21:16

Is she blocking your phone number, or you on social media?

loropianalover · 02/11/2024 21:15

I couldn’t be arsed with this OP. It’s really cringey of her to do it - and would you not be embarrassed if people knew you just let her block you and come back whenever she wants? I’d get rid.

SleepyRedPanda · 02/11/2024 21:12

Are you certain she blocks you rather than just temporarily deactivating her account?

Wonderballs · 02/11/2024 21:11

I have an acquaintance who does this for mental health reasons (because she reads too much into slow answers), so it could easily be nothing to do with you.
She can’t really be a friend to anyone because of her condition. Perhaps your friend is the same.

puddingpour · 02/11/2024 21:05

Ask her? What's with the flurry of these posts where, before asking their actual friend, people ask a bunch of strangers.
Ask your friend.

Skybluepinky · 02/11/2024 21:05

Run for the hills.

calamarisandwich · 02/11/2024 21:01

StripeyDeckchair · 02/11/2024 21:01

No, I don't have any friends who do this
That's because I won't engage in stupid games of blocking/ unblocking because I'm a grown adult not a teenager

Indeed. It’s all very childish and pathetic

StripeyDeckchair · 02/11/2024 21:01

No, I don't have any friends who do this
That's because I won't engage in stupid games of blocking/ unblocking because I'm a grown adult not a teenager

calamarisandwich · 02/11/2024 20:58

It doesn’t matter if she has MH problems- she can’t just block you randomly and then unblock when she wants contact- that’s incredibly selfish and rude. I agree with PP - she is using you and it’s out of order

KeebabSpider · 02/11/2024 20:57

I had one friend who did this. She would be messaging constantly leading up to us meeting up and directly after. Then her picture would disappear on WhatsApp and my messages wouldn't deliver. She did this several times. However she was living with someone but constantly on dating websites looking for other men. Once she forgot to block me and probably other friends too when she had changed her profile picture to one that is best described as a bit bimbo. I think she didn't want me or other friends to see her 'dating' profile type pics. So I ignored it initially, but after a while concluded that she wasn't just using her partner and cheating on him but used me when it suited her. No one needs friends who are anything but. Ultimately it's not worth feeling hurt as it's no real loss. It's them, not you.

GoldieRetrieverLocks · 02/11/2024 20:57

Yes I've had such a friend. We're in our 40s yet she blocked and unblocked frequently. She is now no longer a friend after it recently came to a head. I don't miss the drama, it's a shame but at the end of the day can't be doing with all the unpredictability and inconsistency. Friendships are not meant to be like that.

Original poster
BySharpLurker · 02/11/2024 20:57

Attelina · 02/11/2024 20:49

Sounds like she is a user.

She used you for a time and then there are better options for her social life so she blocks you so that you can't tag along on outings and then when she's bully no mates agin she picks up with you again.

She hasn't got a horse has she? I know an absolutely vile Sandra, she is about 4 foot tall and awful.

Interesting… I’d wondered if it was a way of keeping me at a distance when she’s focused on other things. It feels hurtful though, especially when she cuts me off with no explanation and then just reappears when it suits her. I don’t think there’s anything else like that going on, but I’m starting to feel like I might be just an afterthought. At this point, I’m questioning if it’s worth staying in touch at all.

OP posts:
violentovulation · 02/11/2024 20:56

You're going to have to ask her outright.

Original poster
BySharpLurker · 02/11/2024 20:54

theonlygirl · 02/11/2024 20:46

I have an old friend that I have sporadic contact with, we can go for many months without talking,just busy lives, but we don't block and unblock each other. That's just weird. Maybe she does it to take a mental time out from people, so she doesnt have to see messages? If she did it to lots of friends, fair enough, but if it's just you, I'd either have to ask her or just fade her out.

Sporadic contact is one thing, but the blocking and unblocking just feels more extreme. I’ve thought maybe she’s using it as a way to take breaks, but it’s strange that I seem to be the only one she does this with. It’s making me think I either need to bring it up directly or, as you said, just let the friendship fade out.

OP posts:
ManhattanPopcorn · 02/11/2024 20:53

My guess is that it's actually got nothing to do with you. It's something that's going on with her during those periods. For example, maybe she suffers from depression and doesn't contact anyone when she's low.

Original poster
BySharpLurker · 02/11/2024 20:52

violentovulation · 02/11/2024 20:46

When you say you've had your ups and downs, was there anything significant enough to warrant an apology from either one of you?

There have been a few bumps over the years, but nothing major that I thought would lead to this. We’ve had disagreements, but both of us have apologised at different points and moved on. I can’t think of anything recent that would have caused this though - it just feels out of the blue. That’s what makes it so confusing.

OP posts:
Attelina · 02/11/2024 20:49

Sounds like she is a user.

She used you for a time and then there are better options for her social life so she blocks you so that you can't tag along on outings and then when she's bully no mates agin she picks up with you again.

She hasn't got a horse has she? I know an absolutely vile Sandra, she is about 4 foot tall and awful.

theonlygirl · 02/11/2024 20:46

I have an old friend that I have sporadic contact with, we can go for many months without talking,just busy lives, but we don't block and unblock each other. That's just weird. Maybe she does it to take a mental time out from people, so she doesnt have to see messages? If she did it to lots of friends, fair enough, but if it's just you, I'd either have to ask her or just fade her out.

violentovulation · 02/11/2024 20:46

When you say you've had your ups and downs, was there anything significant enough to warrant an apology from either one of you?