Who in this co parenting arrangement has more time off/has it easier?

I'm not understanding this, sorry. Do the parents like each other?

“Who has it harder?” is a really odd way of looking at it.

Is this fair? Does the child benefit? Would there be a better way of arranging this? All might be better questions.

This is a rubbish arrangement for the RP. I suspect the NRP is totally taking the piss.

NRP has it 'easier' although i dont think this arrangement is very fair in terms of the quality of time each has with the toddler.

Resident parent has 6 nights a week of disturbed sleep, early mornings, can't ever leave the house a weekday eve. They have all the drudgery of the mon-fri with meals, bedtimes, nursery runs, early mornings, packing bag for nursery, id wager they do the majority of the laundry, plus the time they get with the child is poor quality time from 5pm to bedtime each evening which is when kids are at their most tired and tantrummy.

Resident parent then has to host another adult in their home every weekend and probably don't love that either.

NRP might have the drive to do but they have just one bedtime to do, and get to enjoy the best time with the child, with the freedom to enjoy a day out, activities outside the home, free of nursery runs etc. They probably have little to do in terms of managing toddlers sick days, doctors/healthcare appointments, laundry and stuff like shopping for new clothes when outgrown, making sure their wellies fit etc.

In this equation I would find the NRP easiest. Fun weekends. One overnight and No weekly drudge of nursery runs/pick ups, night times! I wouldn’t have agreed to this as RP!

If NRP wanted to change contact so they had some free time on weekends then that would be understandable. If you were together then they would probably get some time to do adult stuff like drink alcohol, date , do a hobby or see friends.

Sure but the nrp has 6 nights a week for that, including Friday night. The resident parent already only has one. I don't think the nrp is hard done by for free time really. If they want some clear weekends, I think they should offer every other weekend but properly - i.e. picking the toddler up from nursery on Friday and dropping them back Monday morning to nursery. And having the child at theirs

If NRP wanted to change contact so they had some free time on weekends then that would be understandable. If you were together then they would probably get some time to do adult stuff like drink alcohol, date , do a hobby or see friends. Tbh it surprises me when divorced couples opt for every weekend with dad because it seems logical that it would lead to resentment that they have no adult time.

NRP has an easier time overall because they can go about their work and even take promotions without considering their child and work whatever hours but if they are trying to get some child free time at the weekend then they aren’t unreasonable either.

Is the non resident parent parenting in the resident parent's home?

If so, it's definitely the resident parent who has it harder - they don't get any down time really and however well they co-parent, having your ex come and stay every weekend has to be incredibly awkward

So the resident parent never gets a weekend with their child ?! Why do the parents live so far apart? I think the fairest is to a week about, wed to wed for example.

Which is why the question has arisen

Let me guess: non resident parent is saying that resident parent should take over one of the weekend days, to give them each a ‘day off’

I wouldn't want to be either parent in this situation.

Resident parents weekday evenings tired nursery child, all the sick days etc, and then the nrp in their home for the weekend- every weekend but not able to spend quality time with the child. This will become harder once the child is school age.

Nrp gets the drive, 'camping out" each weekend, no down time with family etc.

And tbh I don't think it's fair on the child either unless they are very high needs toddler which doesn't come across.

I'd say the resident parent has it harder but it's a close and irrelevant call.

A bit of it is going to depend on the child.

My toddler loves nursery. Only goes twice a week but those days are pretty easy, parenting wise, we get up, quick breakfast, out the door, then he's there all day, comes home happily from nursery but tires quickly so quick tea, play and bedtime.

Non-nursery days and weekends are harder, because you have to entertain him all day, and weekends are especially tough because everywhere is full of older kids and more expensive.

In this case, one parent deals with that, the other gets the days... I'd be sad not to get the better, fuller days with my toddler, even if they're harder work and take more energy.

Roughly equal. I’d assume you’re the new partner of dad who is the weekend parent?

I agree with this. Such an unhelpful and negative mindset!

Is the non resident parent just looking after the child on those two days or are they taking a share of all child related tasks, so doing their washing, buying clothes when required, cooking all meals. I’d say the resident parent has it harder overall from what you’ve put

Absolutely, and you just have to hope that the toddler isn't aware of this 'who has it harder due to you' mindset.

Every weekend must be really tough for the resident parent. When do they chill with child and do stuff like take them to grandparents ?

I think overall the weekend parent has the easier role here because:

They get 6 nights of undisturbed sleep a week, 6 mornings where they don't have to get up at the crack of dawn with the toddler etc

Their work is never disrupted by toddler - in my experience toddlers are off nursery a lot

They get 6 evenings a week they can go out and socialise without needing a babysitter

They can go away for almost a week for a child free holiday - the most the other parent can do is a one night weekend break

The parent who has the child Monday to Saturday morning sees more of their child.
I suppose they are doing more of the hard work as in taking their child to and from nursery, taking time off work if the child is ill.
The other parent sees the child all day Saturday and Sunday though, so they are doing their bit. Plus they are working the rest of the time.
I suppose on balance it is a good arrangement.
Don't think you can start but picking over who does the most, unless one parent is unhappy with the current arrangement.

When does the resident parent gey to have fun with their child? Kicking autumn leaves, going to a cafe, playing poohsticks?

Yeah I agree it's a bit of a shitty position to start from really

I’d say setting up a “who has it harder” competition is not a useful dynamic for coparenting.

Both positions sound like they have difficulties and I would wonder how sustainable these arrangements are in the medium-long term - surely parent A wants a weekend themselves with their child sometimes? And it sounds like parent B ends up staying in parent A’s house every weekend?

They can take holiday this is a really random thing to include in the equation.