Who in this co parenting arrangement has more time off/has it easier?

NRP has it easiest in my opinion: daily grind of childcare, life admin which I'm guessing falls to them, cooking, cleaning plus working added to never getting any of the fun downtime of a weekend with their child? And trying to spin it as 'early' Saturday and 'after toddler is asleep' on Sunday so it sounds longer doesn't hide that it's one night. The rest of the week is undisturbed sleep, being able to just eat toast if you're knackered without worrying about having to make something nutritious for child etc. the daily domesticity makes it much harder for NRP who still has to do Saturday morning wake up with a toddler and Sunday night settling

From the child's point of view it's not too bad. They sleep in their own home and aren't away from primary carer. While also seeing plenty of (presumably) dad. It's really positive that parents have managed this arrangement which can't have been easy but put the child first.

I think there's an argument for rejigging the weekend slightly. For example could dad come over Saturday evening so mum can have a day with the child. Dad could stay till after bedtime on Sunday so he can do 2 bedtimes. Or at least occasionally mix it up if dad wants an occasional weekend day off.

What about weekday mornings? The non resident parent has free time then whilst the resident needs to give bk and get a toddler ready and to nursery.

Also the 8-10pm weekdays are not free for the resident parent, they can’t just get out of the house while the toddler sleeps. Counting it as free time would be similar to say that when the non resident parents goes to the cinema with the child it is free time as the child is not requiring any parenting while they watch the screen.

Weekend parent definitely has the better deal. How does the weekday parent get a break unless the house is massive?
Plus they don't have any privacy at the weekend.

Why is it a competition? You might get more useful responses if you explained your issue properly.

Why does NRP live so far away? Are they having to stay in hotels every weekend?

They can't do if they're picking at their child contact time like this

Doesn’t sound easy for either parent tbh. The resident parent doesn’t get to do the fun stuff with the DC in the week, and will eventually end up with all the school run drudgery on top of everything else. NRP gets quality time with their child but doesn’t get a weekend to themselves.

Presumably the NRP can take holiday too, and doesn’t have to worry about childcare, so not sure why that’s relevant.

They'll pick up on it

Does the non resident parent do laundry, buy clothes, sort out overgrown clothes, book and attend dentist appointments, buy present for nursery staff etc? If not then the resident parent has it harder, to answer the original question.

Resident parent has it easier.

They get to work whilst child is at nursery then no parenting responsibilities at the weekend! Free all evening once child is in bed (so 8pm til 10pm) so 6 x 2 hours plus 10 hours both Saturday and Sunday so 32 hours free time.

No resident parent works all week then has all weekend parenting. They get free time Sunday to Friday evenings. So 6pm to 10pm. 6 x 4 hours = 24 hours free time.

I feel like the RP has the absolute worst of all worlds imaginable here!

Rushing about in the week, fitting in childcare and work, no quality time with the child on weekends, not really able to relax on the weekend as child is still there as is the NRP, having to have the NRP in their house which I would find unbearable.

I don’t think this is sustainable from anyone’s pov!

RP has it harder - especially if, as it sounds, the child is being put to bed, in their own bed, but by the RP's ex - so the RP has the choice of leaving her ex alone in her house so she can have her one night off, or being there and probably having the toddler still want to say goodnight to mummy etc. Plus, then being there for night wakings/morning wakings.

Unless it's an extremely civilised relationship now (which this question would suggest it isn't), I just can't imagine that choice is pleasant for the RP - there's no good

NRP has no washing, no drop-offs/pickups, very little prep - sure, being out all day with a little one is full on, and having it every weekend is also hard, but it's like compressed hours isn't it - the RP does everything for the rest of the week and has 2 (well, 1.5 really) days off, whereas the NRP has 1.5 days of care but a relaxed rest of week.

Does the NRP parenting the child’s resident house with the RP there?

The NRP has the ‘easier shift’.

I’d say both about equal but it’s a pretty rubbish set up.

I think people need to stop focusing on the “competition” aspect of this and understand that not all coparents get along/are reasonable.

I can’t imagine this question has come about from an amicable conversation between two understand people and this is a last resort to try and even the childcare “workload” out a bit.

I think the resident parent clearly has a more difficult situation. All of the slog and no fun with the child. Those weekday mornings getting a young child out of the house and then collecting them at the end of the day when both child and parent are tired. Awful.

NR parent has it easier.

I don't think it's a competition. And us very unhealthy dynamic to make it into one. I'd just be happy that child had a stable home life and gets to have time with both parents.

During this time the resident parent is not involved or is involved very little in parenting..

Does anyone else have the sense the resident parent might not have the same view of this?

I still think resident parent has it harder. Daily slog, all overnights, fraught mornings rushing to nursery, days off to cover colds, mental load of appts, new shoes etc. presumably non resident parent can take days off during the week. I'm sure it's tiring all the travelling, but not the same.

Also not understanding why you are looking at it as who has it worse. Who moved away? It might be better for the parents to live in the same area so that they get to each have some week day and weekend time. Since they go to nursery, the RP probably doesn't get much quality time since that's usually what happens at the weekend. And if the ex is staying in the weekend that's maybe a bit awkward?

In a very similar set up. I’m the primary parent, other has them for about 30 hours on the weekends/half holidays. However, every single day to day needs of the children are met by me. Every dentist/doctor/haircut. Ordering and picking up their various medications. Filling out paperwork. Every meeting about their additional needs, every school event. Every school run (three separate settings). Pay for after school care, give consent and pay for every school trip or event. Any issues, I am the only one who deals with it. Arranging their medication. Buying everything they need bar a few bits bought for their other home when there. All birthday events or family trips are sorted by me regardless of who’s ’time’ they fall on. Other parent is great at entertaining them at home, will see they’re fed and in bed at a reasonable time but that’s about it.

However additional needs is the crux of my situation and I need at least one night/a couple of days to catch up on 6 days of broken sleep and catch up on things I simply can’t do during the week (not all are in school full time).

this. NRP has the funny bits, can enjoy his/her child during weekends but RP has child everyday when nursery & work so child is not "having fun" with RP. Child deserves quality time with both of them.

If it’s not immediately obvious who has it harder in a situation (which it’s not here) then I don’t think it’s worth quibbling over.

If your question is really about a proposed change to a scenario and whether that’s fair, describe the proposed scenario.

I wouldn't want to do all the boring week stuff while the other one has the fun weekends. While toddler is young, I would suggest spending Friday to Wednesday with non-resident parent, at their home, every two weeks.