Who in this co parenting arrangement has more time off/has it easier?

non resident parent usually takes toddler out for full day then does meal times and bedtime

Who does washing dishes, clothes, bedsheets etc. that mean the NRP can do all this?

That's a terrible arrangement. Neither parent is having a good time of it and they need to rethink. The sniping at each other with both feeling they have the shitty end of the stick is symptomatic of the fact that change is needed.

Both parents need some weekend time with DC. Having the NRP do every weekend isn't good for anyone. Weekends should ideally be 50:50 or could be 66:33 if both parents are OK with this.

Obviously in an ideal world both parents would have equal weekday time too but it's not an ideal world and they have to do the best they can. Obviously the NRP cant do 50% easily but there must be ways for them to do some, they need to find a way.

It's unreasonable for the NRP to take over the RPs home every weekend. What a miserable way to live.

Both are clearly dealing with a full schedule, but NRP is busy for 7 days a week with no truly free days off.

If the NRP takes a day off work, they have a 'truly free' day. RP doesn't ever have a 'truly free day' as even at the weekend, the NRP doesn't take over until 9am, and leaves after bedtime on Sunday - the RP is on call for the rest of the time.

The RP has 1.5 days when she's not on call (assuming NRP stays in the house and deals with night wakings/breakfast on Sunday), and no time alone

NRP has 5.5 days free to do what they want outside of work.

I feel like the RP has the absolute worst of all worlds imaginable here!

This. All the work, none of the fun.

OP it's polite to come back and tell us who you are.

Non resident obviously has it easier. They do 6 nights, 5 evenings, 6 mornings vs 1 night, 1 morning, 2 evenings. And they deal with nr parent in their space and never get the fun days with the DC. NR parents does mealtimes, do they buy all the food? Who cleans the kitchen? Who takes time off when kid is sick? Who buys clothes? Takes them to the dentist? Does the washing?

Quite clearly the non-resident parent has it easier, unless they do more behind the scenes work during the week, they get to rock up and be fun parent. It probably is a little annoying not to be able to go away on weekends but they do have Friday night free. The resident parent wouldn't actually be able to go away very far with only one night free for them (Sat).

I would suggest moving to alternate weekends with NRP, but they have DC for Friday and Saturday night- parents could both drive and meet halfway. Same number of nights but at least each parent gets a proper break.

The resident parent has it harder, they are the default parent. Will deal with all the sick days and the crappy transition behaviour when the NRP leaves, completely normal but tough to deal with. They have to do all the hard slog parenting, every night waking and every evening and all the house work and laundry for both of them. Will be the one to organise birthdays and play dates in the week. Has to sought out wraparound childcare when child is at school. Will be the one to juggle inset days and extra curricular if they don't want their child to miss out.

The non- resident parent gets to swan in, child is on best behaviour as not the resident parent, do fun activities etc.

Agreed.

Plus they get paid.

The weekday parent has all the slog and none of the fun.

If I'm being selfish, I'd want resident parent set up. Very little parenting required, kid is in nursery all day so just drop off, pick up, possibly dinner if not given at nursery, bath and bed. Lack of socialising for RP but every weekend off from parenting is a luxury. Realistically though, I wouldn't want to miss out every weekend and chance to make memories with my children

Agreed. I feel that the OP is either the non resident parent or the non resident parent's girlfriend.

RP doesn’t get 2 full days at the weekend though. They get from 9am on Sat til toddler bedtime, so 7pm ish I guess on Sunday. And from the sounds of it they need to put up with NRP being in their house on Saturday night.

So they actually only get one free evening a week, and on that evening they can’t even chill in their own home, presumably they have to go out, or put up with their ex in their house.

OP who are you in this scenario?

I can see both sides
RP is responsible 5 days a week and doesnt get to be a fun parent or have their home to themselves.
NRP has long journey but never a weekend day of rest.
No opportunity for either to start a proper new relationship.
I'd suggest that 2 in 4 weekends RP finishes early on Friday (you said u work v flexible) and drives dc to NRP and RP brings them back late on Saturday (bath, bed, pop them in the car in PJs) and goes home.

Weekend parent has it easier. They don't have to rush in the morning to get out to nursery. They don't have the hassle of bath and bedtime every week night. They get all the fun relaxed time at the weekends.

I thought the same.

RP picks up more day to day childcare related responsibilities, but has two entirely free days on the weekend to use as they see fit.

NRP’s week is also taken up with work, but then also has their weekends occupied worth commuting, spending time with their child, then commuting back again ready for work on Monday.

Both are clearly dealing with a full schedule, but NRP is busy for 7 days a week with no truly free days off.

I'm not sure there is enough information to say. It will very much depend on how long it takes to get child ready in morning, settled at night, are they up during the night? What does the resident parent do at the weekend, time for themselves or doing housework, food shopping, cooking for the week etc.

Who has it easier isn't really relevant because everyone is losing especially the child. However at the moment it sounds like the RP and child get no quality time together.

Weekend parent has it easier.

Resident parent deals with sick days, potentially broken sleep 5 nights a week, all appointments and donkey work but gets no quality fun time.

I can't understand anyone ( except non resident parents) thinking it's in anyway equal.

If you try and quantity it, I reckon they have similar amounts of time actively parenting but the resident parent has a lot more time "on call" and thus not as much genuinely free time. Also more antisocial hours - early starts, night wakings etc.

Resident parent:

6-8am x 6 a week = 12
5-7pm x 5 a week = 10
Total 22hrs active parenting

But only one evening a week they can leave the house without getting a babysitter + some time at the weekend but even that, the toddler is still in their house, they can't fully relax.

And all sick days which is loads with a toddler in nursery so active parenting hours are likely to be higher in reality

Non resident parent:

9am -7pm = 10
6am-7pm = 13
Total= 23 hours active parenting

But 6 evenings a week they can genuinely do what they want with.

Overall I still think non resident parent has it far easier. It's really hard to see how resident parent could possibly date, for example, but quite easy to see how non resident parent could

I'm not sure why it's a competition tbh.

Who does all the child's washing? Takes time off work when they are sick? Books necessary appointments? Makes sure they have the appropriate clothes/shoes in the right size?

Without a doubt the weekend parent has the easiest life here. The week day parent has almost all nights and day today responsibilities whilst weekend parent drops in on the weekend for just one night and does all the fun stuff. Doesn't sound very equal to me.
Equal is both parents doing equal time.

This surely can't be a long term set up. The RP deserves full non-nursery/school days with their child now and again.

The argument about the RP being able to take time off is pretty irrelevant if the point is they can have time to themselves whilst toddler is in full time nursery because the NRP can presumably do the same since they also work Mon-Fri.

You can’t compare their free time like for like - one can go out easily in the week, the other can’t.

Plus NRP has free time before work, depending on their commute that could be 1-1.5hrs every day to go to the gym or eat their breakfast in peace so 5 - 7.5 more hours than you originally calculated.

The mental load, sleepless nights, sick days, etc are another element that isn’t factored into the calculation.

You’ve not included the free time NRP gets on weekend evenings once child is in bed, if you’re going down that route.

Plus on weeknights I imagine RP is doing the cleaning, washing, organising nursery stuff etc.

RP also has to do any night wakings and every morning other than Sunday.