Who in this co parenting arrangement has more time off/has it easier?

Obviously this depends on their salary but this is unlikely to be an extraordinary contribution financially. Nursery alone for an under 2 is likely to be £300 a week (assuming use of tax-free childcare)

The non resident parent doesn't seem to ever have the child at theirs so also has lower costs - doesn't have to have a house with space for them, kit out a room, buy clothes/food etc.

Sorry to clarify in terms of whether non resident buys food on their days etc, non resident pays child maintenance, what they have to plus another 250 on top and will bring various bits at weekends like wipes or nappies for the days out

And they take a bag of laundry with them and put it through a machine at the laundrette? Sort out hair cuts? Buy new shoes and swim gear? Or does the RP have to squeeze that in in the week?

This doesn’t sound like a very fair set up. Having zero child free weekend time for one person and then zero child responsibilities for the other parent at the weekend seems a bit extreme. I get the resident parent has more of the day to day slog, but I don’t think this is a fair set up in terms of actually useable leisure time (ie being able to see friends etc at the weekend or do things for fun when not exhausted after work)

this also made me laugh - the RP has responsibility for the child on the weekends - pre-9am (so that's a good 3 hours in my house) and after bedtime (when they are on-call, so can't actually do anything)

The idea that zero (not that it is) child responsibilities at the weekend somehow balances out zero (which it actually is) child responsibilities for the rest of the week (which RP has to combine with work, whereas NRP only has to work) is mad.

I do agree that this should change - and I agree with PP that the NRP taking responsibility from Friday nursery pickup to Monday drop off every other week would probably be better - assuming they can't take up any responsibility during the actual week that is. Along with some agreement that if the child is ill, then they are responsible for Monday too/RP responsible for Friday. (ie. no travelling with a sick child)

Exactly! That's the whole point!

This is a child we're talking about. Not some point scoring competition. I was merely looking at it from pedantic point of view.

Who has it harder?!? What about "what arrangement is best for our child?"

I think resident parent has it harder but neither parent has an ideal situation.. ideally both should have some weekend and weekday time

Do you have a children, OP? Because you are looking at this in terms of "time off" which isn't really what parenting is all about. You are never "off"

Sounds like resident parent gets stuck doing all of the tedious and soul destroying parts of parenting with non of the fun parts.

And the non resident parent gets to be Disney parent (albeit sacrificing their social life at weekends, but that doesn't stop them from socialising during the week when they don't have any parenting responsibilities.)

I wouldn't say one is harder than the other but the resident parent has a bit of a crappy deal imo.

This sounds exactly like my exH’s reasoning- he thought throwing money at the issue was enough, forgetting that I was the one who had to buy the food, make the meals, change the beds, wash the clothes etc. He thought he could buy himself out of parenting.

OP I’m guessing you’re the NRP’s new partner?

there are 168 hours in a week. the resident parent has responsibility of the child for 134 hours of the week. even if in full time child care this parent needs to be on call for illness appointments and all the soft responsibilities that go with having a child; cleaning up, clothing maintenance, and providing a healthy environment when not in child care (which at the most is 12 hours per day x5 so 60 hours).
the non resident parent is responsible for a joke of 36 hours.
so 168-36=134 minus the day care max leaves the resident parent with 74 hours of responsibility vs 36 hours.
but as i mention even when a child is in full time child care there are still caring needs that have to be met.

Who does the washing, dr, dentist, sickness days, paying nursery bills, dressing them in red for some random nursery theme, organising paydays, rsvp to kids parties, clear out of what clothes fit, buying stuff for new seasons. If resident parent is doing all that stuff too I'd say they have more of the drudgery load. I don't much enjoy weekdays as it's a rush to get to nursery, then the evening is a rush to get them fed, clean and in bed after work. Then it's clearing up after they're in bed, prep for tomorrow, then time for bed for the parent. I think resident parent is missing out on the weekend fun.

Why does it matter who has it harder? Does this even work for the kid? No days off with resident parent at all, sounds crap.

So basically the resident parent does all the shitty work, plus washing, ironing, tidying after child. Non resident parent gets the fun days out. Resident parent has it harder

Oh! And as the NRP is just breezing into someone else's house, they don't need to think about things like ...are the bed sheets clean, did i put the hair straightener away, don't have to lockma cupboard, don't have to store a buggy or clothes or toys or books. Don't have to make sure the house is ready.

I thought coparenting was 50/50 - but I might be wrong.

I'd agree, NRP needs to do the "normal" set up if having child at theirs EOW and once in the week.

They can take holiday and toddler is in full time nursery.

Also lol. As can the NRP and they don’t have a toddler in the morning or the evening, or pay for the nursery.

Hardly fair on the child to be dragged out all day every weekend

This doesn’t sound like a very fair set up. Having zero child free weekend time for one person and then zero child responsibilities for the other parent at the weekend seems a bit extreme. I get the resident parent has more of the day to day slog, but I don’t think this is a fair set up in terms of actually useable leisure time (ie being able to see friends etc at the weekend or do things for fun when not exhausted after work)

Nah, the dad has it easy.

He can do whatever he wants mon-fri, doesn't have to get a child to nursery and then get himself to work (doesn't even need to think about what nursery to send the kid to, let alone making sure the 20% childcare account is topped up and the provider paid), isn't the one that has to organise dentist and doctors (doesn't even need to think about getting the kid registered or booking appointments) and get the child there at 11:30 on a Tuesday, doesn't have to cook for a small human (doesn't have to even think about what food the child likes or needs it ensuring there's a decent variety of good nutritious meals), can just fuck off out in the evening if he wants, can just stay late at work for drinks or whatever. If he fancies popping to the local shop for a bag of Doritos he can. (Doesn't even have to consider maybe asking a friend to come over and babysit)
He doesn't need to think about the day to day crap like, are there enough clean clothes? (He doesn't even have to think about which washing powder to use) has kiddo had enough veggies this week? (Doesn't even need to know if they've eaten a vegetable at all this week)
Doesn't need to think, "oh Should we pop by and see Nan on Wednesday as they haven't seen each other in a while?" Or " oh, it's the 11th, that's the day we said we'd meet up with other children and ok, I need to get the supermarket shopping done earlier than normal... " ... Doesn't even need to know who is in the kids life, let alone organising anything or building a relationship with the other parents.

Non resident parents always have it easier, because they just don't have to worry about it think about another human all the time.

If the non resident parent is finding this a strain as I think the OP is implying - I think the main options I would suggest would be:

They move to every other weekend but that they have the child at theirs from Friday night to Monday morning for those weekends and that they have responsibility for those Fridays if the child isn't well.

Or they move closer together and they have the child one night a week and every other weekend Friday - Saturday.

If I was the resident parent here, my main priority would be the non resident parent not being in my house every week.

I agree with this and also think it’s crap for the child too - they never get proper time at the weekend with the RP. I’d be totally looking to change this so the child has equal non-nursery time with each parent.

I guess I'd question what the focus on "easier" is all about, and why that's the emphasis over what's fair. Yeah, parenting is hard, but it's also rewarding and great to spend time with your child. If I was the resident parent I'd worry that all my time with my child is getting ready for school and unwinding before bed. When do they get to enjoy quality time together?

I am going to bet that the OP is the non-resident parent or their GF as a previous poster said.

The posts are about what the NRP does, with no recognition of the reality of looking after a small child 24/7 however much you love your child and want to spend time with them.

This is a shit arrangement for both parents. Resident parent has no full days down time from parenting, no leisure time with child and is responsible for all day to day things as well as tolerating having ex partner in their home.

Non resident parent is having to do all travel, has no full days of down time and the awkwardness of having to spend time in ex partners house.

I would say NRP has it easier, on balance. Mainly because of all the "child admin" sits on RP shoulders. Whilst the NRP can come in each weekend and take the child out for a day of fun.

Yes, they are working all week and then parenting all weekend. But solo parenting all week - all the rushed mornings, working all day, picking up from nursery, bedtime and child admin - is exhausting. It's not the same as a working week without a child.

Yes, I agree with this.

If the non resident parent had the child at theirs, I think you could debate who has it easier but in fact the resident parent doesn't actually have any fully clear days. Their one sort of free evening, they either need to be at home around their ex or go out and have the awkwardness of coming back late, trying not to wake anyone etc. Their one sort of free morning, it's unlikely that they aren't woken at all by the toddler.