Old friend randomly blocked me

This whole thing about boundaries that everyone goes on about nowadays is of course important, women have been socialised not to have them for far too long. But, it seems to dominate some people’s thinking, and the evidence is in this thread.

It’s sweet and fine and normal to have fond memories of past friendships, to call people’s parents and get in touch. That’s being an open and affectionate person who is in touch with their past self. It’s really not weird, intrusive or disrespectful of anyone else’s boundaries. Of course, if you don’t like people from the past getting in touch with you, that’s fine too. Of course you’d be justified in cutting off contact if you don’t want it. There’s no obligation to be friendly to everyone. But why make out that the person reaching out is weird?

If we’re not careful we’ll all be confined to our homes hardly communicating with anyone. It’s no wonder so many people feel isolated. It’s like the people on MN who don’t answer their door. We’re all super sensitive about ourselves and the supposed dangers that other people pose. Nobody has to be friends with anyone if they don’t feel like it but surely we can tolerate other people reaching out?

I completely agree.
I’m sorry op, but it seems odd to me that you would phone her mum & then ask for her number.
When your friend popped into your head maybe you should’ve found her on social media & added her as a friend instead of phoning her mum after all of these years.
If I was the friend I would find it really weird that you phoned my mum after decades have passed, the mum probably thinks it’s pretty strange too.
I get you were reaching out, but to me it seems a weird way to do it.

@Disturbia a fuck it bucket? Love it👍

@Pureshores499 OP, there's a lot of strange antisocial people on here 😆.

I'd be delighted to hear from an old friend, you have done absolutely nothing wrong contacting her mum/her, and I too would be miffed at being blocked!!

I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong OP but also I wouldn’t give it any further thought. You’ll likely never know why she wasn’t keen to meet up or be back in touch.

i also remember lots of random phone numbers from the 80s and 90s, as you said - we dialled them all the time and they stick in the brain 🤷‍♀️

It’s so interesting to me how differently people perceive things on social media, like friend requests and the meaning of being ‘friends’ on FB. I think it’s probably a difference in opinion between OP and her old friend too - OP found nothing strange in calling her mums number to see how friend was (I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with this), and old friend possibly found it odd that OP called up her mum out of the blue looking for her (nothing inherently wrong with this either).

I find it completely bizarre that you would block several old schoolmates, yet I do also find it bizarre that so many people do seem to take something from having as many ‘friends’ as possible with no intentions of interacting with them.

If you can't find someone on social media it's normally because they don't want to be found.

@Pureshores499 I don’t think you’re weird. However, I’m an over thinker and if an old friend contacted me I would be remembering all the cringy things from our shared past that I would sooner forget. So yes, I may block you.

Oh - I forgot to say - my old friend rang my Mum too because she remembered the number! Mum was delighted to hear from her and had a lovely chat!

You haven't done anything wrong OP, you said hello to an old friend and she said hello back. She doesn't want to take it further but that probably has nothing at all to do with how she remembers you. She'll just be busy or preoccupied or have enough social life as it is. Or she'll have a policy of not renewing old friendship. Her loss!
I had an odd version of this recently when a very old friend contacted me, we chatted a bit over a few weeks, and I said that I'd be moving closer to her the following year and would contact her again after moving. I did, a couple of times, and didn't get a single reply! Didn't take it personally though - her mood had changed most likely and she wasn't interested in the past any more.

Or maybe she isn’t happy with how her life has turned out. And hearing from you reminds her of a previous life when her hopes for the future were high. Anyway, not a reflection on you.

I get your point but people change alot in 20 years and even things we would be ok with then we find not ok now. I think if a past friend called my mum I would find it quite odd. I don't think this is something you should have done. Then asking for her number etc...times have changed and people are very aware of privacy. It would have been different I think if you just contacted her through messenger on fb or something like that.

For what its worth, I don't think you're weird.

Yeah this. ^ I wouldn't want anything to do with someone I used to socialise with for several years 25-30 years ago. I would think it very odd, and would not accept the friend request, And I would probably block them.

In fact, a woman I worked with 20-21 years ago (she only worked there for 6 months) tried to add me on Facebook last year, and I didn't accept. Just left the request hanging. After a week, she messaged me saying 'I'd have thought you'd have accepted my friend request by now!' with an emoji like this >>> So I blocked her.

I used to get people trying to add me as a friend on Facebook who I went to school with 30-35 years before. Had no contact since then, and wasn't close at school anyway. WHY? Are they just trying to build up their friend count or something? Mate, you've not tried to make contact with me or speak to me since school! I just block them.

I get the same in my village. 5 or 6 women sent me friend requests, and I have never spoken to them in real life. I accepted, but half of them of them walk past me in the village and don't acknowledge me. They never 'like' any of my posts or photographs either. And they have 1000+ 'friends.' It's so odd. I have just put them on restricted friends, so they see nothing I post. No point, seeing as they never bloody acknowledge anything anyway!

One grey tick indicates it hasn't been delivered to her phone so being blocked is likely. If it had been delivered but unread it would have 2 grey ticks.

I can understand why someone would block if they hadn't consented to giving out their phone number. She didnt actually give her phone number out- her mum did.

You’re getting a hard time OP but you haven’t done anything wrong.

I do agree that a SM approach rather than via her mum would’ve been better - I’d also have waited a little before asking for a meet up. However, what you did was friendly and perfectly reasonable, and the reasonable response if she wasn’t bothered would have been to just say that.

I don’t see the problem. I think it’s odd she would block you. Are you sure she just hasn’t read the message?

I wouldn’t take it to heart, she probably doesn’t have any interest in catching up after so long. I wouldn’t either to be honest.

Who knows what she going through and you popping up like SURPRISEEEE!! could have been a bit annoying.

I don’t think you did anything wrong op and no doubt the reason she doesn’t want to reconnect is about you not her. Maybe she’s single and hates it, maybe she got fat or thinks she looks old now and is embarrassed, maybe she’s dealing with something her mum doesn’t know about and doesn’t have any spare energy for connecting with people. It could be anything. You’ll never know why, but try to just enjoy the memories and not worry that her reaction is something to do with you.

OP ignore the hate, this forum is full of people who don't answer the door or have friends.
You did a lovely thing, this says more about her than you.
I get sentimental too, the people from my past all had a part in shaping me.
Put it in the fuck it bucket and move on

Yes, I think you are overacting. You havent seen this person since the 90s but you feel like you've been punched in the gut because she doesnt want to reconnect? There could be a thousand reasons why its not convenient for her right now and none of them may be to do with you.

This is something I ponder about at times. I have a couple of friends from my past with whom I got on really well. Had loads of adventures as we were all young, reckless and bold but I feel that now we would have nothing in common as our lives have worked out very differently. I see the Instagram posts of one of them, and although I know that it is literally just a snap shot of their life it makes me feel dull and inadequate which is a big reason for not wanting to meet up. We "like" each others posts and that is now all there is to a once warm and deep friendship. We grow, we change, we have things in common at one stage of life that then fall away as life takes on different paths. She has had quite a blessed life whereas I have faced some quite tough times and this has created a distance between us.