Old friend randomly blocked me

Quote: It was the 3rd time I met that friend not 2nd as I stated above. I cant seem to "edit" it. Thinking back now of meeting her. I didnt have a good time at all. Would been better off sitting at home in the warm. I had a better time yesterday around my local church with strangers. Says it all really. Unfortunately most humans are not honest. Thats why its a miserable society nowadays..Friends dump friends. Friend use friends. Friends can also be condescending or they got the big job, money think they are better then you. Then there are a few friends who are kind and genuine. It takes alsorts...Take care...

I met an old friend 2nd time the other day. We said to see each other again in New Year. Later she text me the link for meditation we mentioned earlier. Then 2 days later she blocks me on everything. No reason No explanation. I really cant be bothered with such people. Real friends dont do that. Thats my experience. Blocking a friend for No reason is lack of respect or feeling for them. But if it happens from a fall out. Then at least you know why. Its No good keep chasing people and wasting your time and energy on someone who is not interested. Better to be with genuine friends then fake ones.

She replies, brief, but pleasant asks how I am etc.

Maybe she didn't fancy the coffee thing, but surely she could have just got around that by being vague and non committal (I can take a hint!)

Take the hint then, you even said her reply was brief but pleasant. Not exactly matching your "blast from the past" energy.

Two of my best pals now are girls I was at school with who i got back in touch with/ bumped in to in later life. So it can 'work'.

Best to approach with low expectations though, and not take a rebuff too seriously.

We met up after 30 yrs. Lovely girl. Keep in touch etc she said. Bit weird as it had fizzled after secondary.. I reached out when her dad died. She let me know what days she off as does agency. Nothing. Agree with replies here prob best leaving it in the past.

Back up your contacts then

I asked for my old friends mobile and said I'd love to surprise her with a little WhatsApp and catch up on how she's doing.

Or

I did initially offer to give her Mum my contact info, but she just gave me my old friends

Which is it? Either way, you seem to believe that this woman owed you a certain type of response, and she didn't. She owed you absolutely nothing. And was probably miffed at her DMum for giving out her number to someone who is for all intents and purposes a complete stranger. Don't do strange things in future and people won't feel the need to literally block you out of their lives, it's that simple.

Yup I remember my best friend’s numbers, my hairdressers, my dentists etc from the 70’s onwards. I was thinking this week I’d be stuffed if I lost my phone as I don’t know anyone's number now except my parent’s landline.

To be honest, I’d be a little annoyed with my parents for giving out my number to what is essentially a stranger. I’d also feel very uncomfortable if someone from 20 odd years ago went to those lengths to contact me. I think she’s being rude though. It’s far easier to ghost people than just be honest and say thanks but no thanks. People are scared to communicate.

Do you/ her not have any social media you could have tried to find eachother on instead? If it were me I’d probably feel a bit odd about someone calling my mum and asking for my number (just my
perdonal feelings), but potentially okay with reaching out via social media, feels less invasive.

The 2 friends from teen days I rekindled friendships with in my 30s did precisely that. One bumped into me randomly, one fb messaged me.
I would have been mildly weirded out by a call to parents but probably still given it a go as I'd moved back to my home town and barely knew anyone.

It would be different if you'd happened to bump into one another, or even dropped her a message on Facebook but memorising her mum's number, calling it and getting her phone number is overstepping IMO.

But she didn’t memorise her friend’s mum’s number - which was actually just her friend’s number then - back in the 90s thinking “In 30 years, I’m going to totally fuck with her mind”. She remembers the landline number because most of us had to do that then. I can still remember my best friend from school’s number, despite not ringing it since 1995.

I get that a lot of people wouldn’t even have considered trying the number. But it’s bizarre to suggest that the OP memorised it with nefarious intentions.

I completely agree with this and would also find it a bit strange if an acquaintance from decades ago got in touch with me via randomly calling up my mum!

I tend to find that often, too much time has passed and you are different people from who you were then. I'm completely different from the girl in her 20s that went out clubbing and the friendships that have lasted have done so because we both wanted them to. The ones that organically drifted apart did so for a reason.

Your message does have a tone of "it's all about me" ..... You thought of her, you decided to call her mum to get her number, you messaged her, you want to meet up etc. I think in her position I'd be thinking "WTF".

It would be different if you'd happened to bump into one another, or even dropped her a message on Facebook but memorising her mum's number, calling it and getting her phone number is overstepping IMO.

It’s not like people are searching you out to give you their unsolicited opinion. You literally asked for people’s opinion. And many people have the opinion it’s weird. If you don’t care and are convinced it’s fine and don’t want to explain yourself then why ask in the first place?! You do you, but you have to be willing to accept the consequences.

@@randomflumpsy I totally agree

I did say (repeating again ) in general terms I find ghosting/blocking scummy behaviour. It was I thought an add on to the conversation in general

Ah yes, and I'd agree with that.

But I do think if you're going to take a chance and randomly contact someone you havent spoken to in 20 + years then you have to be prepared that they may not want to talk to you, they may not reply, they may not want to meet up etc

It doesnt mean there is anything wrong with either of you, people just move on is all and its best not to take these things so personally (eg feeling punched in the gut etc) because that is a total emotional overreaction and I think if you are likely to feel so sensitive/hurt about such things then its probably best to leave it alone.

I find with things like this it's always better to keep things light and relaxed, have no expectations and just see what happens. If it works out, great, if it doesnt, you havent really lost anything anyway.

Ok. There's some miscommunication here. I clearly stated what I felt about this issue. And the OP wasn't even ghosted. The person replied politely. Just clearly didn't want to pick up a relationship (entirely reasonable)

I did say (repeating again ) in general terms I find ghosting/blocking scummy behaviour. It was I thought an add on to the conversation in general.

Abuse to one side - anyone abusive deserves blocked.

@randomflumpsy - exactly 👏👏

Im nearly 60. Im not ‘scummy’ but if someone I’ve not even thought about for 30 or more years randomly messages me why on earth are they entitled to a response? There’s no relationship, no ongoing communication just an unwelcome out of the blue Unsolicited message that doesn’t require a response. And to consider that ‘scummy or scum of the earth’ ( not a polite word to call someone and rather offensive for someone who claims to have manners ) is a ridiculous overreaction. They’re not a criminal for not being interested in communicating with a last from the past ffs

Sorry but you cannot "ghost" someone you already havent spoken to in 3 decades. Thats not what ghosting is!

Ghosting is something people do unexpectedly to someone they have some kind of existing relationship with (family, friend, partner) and regular contact. The regular contact means you assume that the relationship is going well and that it means something to them, this is exactly why it is so hurtful and mystifying - you have built up a relationship with them, everything was going fine and they just disappear, and I agree, it's cowardly and cruel.

But that is not what has happened here at all. Calling this ghosting is not accurate, and actually, its a bit offensive to the people who have properly been ghosted by people they loved and cared about and are left picking up the pieces of their self esteem. Cold calling someone once (or texting once) out of the blue, after 3 decades of no contact is not a "relationship" and therefore, its not ghosting because there is zero emotional investment involved.

@TwistedWonder

Didn't you read my post that you quoted.
I did say unrelated.
I find the principle of ghosting someone you know scummy.
There's just no need unless the person you're ghosting has been abusive.

Just a simple message
If it's a date you don't wish to repeat - just
An oh sorry I don't think we clicked, wish you well in the future

A friend from the past, oh life's busy. But good to hear all well with you. Take care bye

Breaking contact with a close friend or family member or sexual partner.

I won't be in touch anymore. This doesn't work for me.
(Usually there's been enough back &'forth for the person to know why you've had enough ) and if not too bad. Prioritise yourself.

I just find ghosting scummy. It leaves people questioning & upset & wondering & speculating & feels unkind.

If a relationship of any sort was ever worth having - it's worth ending

In this instance
If I were the friend and didn't wish further contact, I would have kindly made that obvious, and if OP had persisted, I would have then ignored.

No need to block.

But I'm a bit older and maybe manners were more drummed in. I fully support blocking someone abusive or crossing boundaries that have been set.

I also agree. Just because you would be happy to re-visit the 90s doesnt mean everyone else is. Dont get me wrong, I have amazing memories of the 90s, it was a wild, fun crazy ride and I dont regret a second of it but I am simply not that person any more- my life, values, personality, and goals are completely incomparable now to how they were then and surely that is quite normal and healthy? It would be a bit weird if noone ever changed, developed or switched their priorities in 3 decades of life and after having kids etc

I am very settled, content/happy, and not in an abusive relationship nor would my many friends ever call me the "scum of the earth" 😝😂so those people can jog on with their stupid assumptions and personal projections.

People change as they grow. Get over it.

Totally agree. The leaps to invent reasons as to why someone just isn’t interested in reliving the past are ridiculous.

The assumptions the only reasons for not responding to a completely unsolicited message from an acquaintance who hasn’t crossed their mind for 20+ years is due to issues, being unhappy in their life, possible domestic abuse and the most bizarre, they’re the scum of the earth - completely batshit

I wouldn't like an old friend asking my mum for my number.

Personally I just wouldn't want anything to do with friends from a certain period of my life because I was extremely unhappy and they remind me of that. Life has moved on.