To expect some basic manners from children?

Well my son has selective mutism and cannot speak in certain situations, he is almost non verbal at school and if he manages to speak, it is barely a whisper.

This is not him being rude or impolite, he physically cannot speak. Of course if we are in a particular situation where a please and a thank you is required, we will say it on his behalf.

I find it unbelievably upsetting that people just think we are either lazy parents or he is just being rude. Quite the opposite, we have gone through so much to even get him to whisper at school.

He is exceptionally well behaved and wish others could hear his beautiful voice that we hear at home.

So the only difference between you and most of the the posters you are sneering at seems to be that you put on an extra performance in front of the person you would like your child to thank, whereas others, knowing that their child will not respond as desired in that situation, feel that having that parent-child discussion away from the flash point, when the child is calmer, is a better approach

No doubt your way makes you feel better, but I cant actually see anything in your performative approach that makes your child look less rude or that is more likely to instill good manners in them.

Thankyou I appreciate that and yes it has I'm in a much better place now

@Differentstarts you're not getting one end of.

For what you have experienced growing up, you have all my heart felt sympathy and understanding. I relate very much. I hope in all sincerity that life has worked out well for you and your own family.

I'm with you OP, my son's dinner lady told us he's the politest boy in the school and I don't think I have ever gotten a bigger compliment or been prouder 😂😂 especially as he has ASD and ADHD and struggles with social skills, DH have always been very dogmatic about manners.

You said I would get on well with someone who is abusing children. As someone who grew up being abused and ended up in care this is incredibly offensive. But even without my history it's still a disgusting thing to say to another person. Iv told you I'm not happy about what you said and I would like an apology

I would (and have) clearly not resort to physical punishment because surprisingly there are stages in between. I would say to my child ‘say thank you to XX for having you over”. Why? So that at least if they didn’t say anything the person would know I expected them to say thank you and to tell my child what was expected. If they didn’t I would then tell them that wasn’t very polite of them and that I expect them to be more polite in future. No physical harm needed.

I have nothing to apologise to you for @Differentstarts . I am concerned that you're appearing to get very upset about all this though.

I'm still waiting for an apology from you. Why is this such a problem for you?

How did you get her to acknowledge people and talk to them if she was incredibly shy? Genuinely interested to hear tips.

Tbh child 1 sounds like my dd after her first play date. I was absolutely mortified and explained to her that if she couldn't find a way of dealing with the play date ending then they would have to stop, which would be a huge shame. Mind you, she's ND. She's got a lot better, but the excitement of a play date, followed by the disappointment of having to leave is hard for her to cope with.

That said, she has immaculate manners in the vast majority of situations so I don't worry too much. People often comment on how polite she is, so I know the blips are just that.

So how exactly do you do you suggest that reluctant child can be forced to speak at a given moment - without resorting to physical punishment, of course?

Ohfuckrucksack
Your attitude is exactly the reason why some kids are impolite and ungrateful.
If someone has looked after you all day for your parents of course you say thank you. I was taught to say thank you for having me when I stayed at a friend's house. Kids need to be taught manners until it becomes automatic.

@Differentstarts I won't seek likes or approval here. I understand how important it is for so many to say oh I always do this, yeah me too, praise me please. I won't do that here in the spirit of my posts.

What I will say is oh yes, there have been times my little cherubs' manners have been utterly appalling. Little terrors in fact. They don't make shock collars for kids.

That comment is just pure ignorant my son is neurodiverse and I've still managed to teach him manners

I would but you clearly wouldn't as to you this common in sport and you shouldn't say anything. I'm still waiting for you to apologise to me for saying I would get on with a child abuser. Or do you not say sorry to others, as this might explain why your kids struggle with manners.

Don't you think the mum would be concerned about that situation? If she sends her child back to that, I'd have greater concerns about what's going on at home with mama to be quite honest.

But the poster did step in and do the right thing just like most would. Just because you clearly wouldn't it doesn't mean others shouldn't

Haven't got much chance there if the mum is sending Jonny off to say thanks Coach.

This sort of thing isn't that rare. They aren't all good eggs and you'd be up against it if the performance parents are in the majority.

It's everyone's place to protect children and accusing me of abusing children is beyond disgusting.

@Differentstarts sounds like you and that coach would get on very well.

It was not posters place to pull the coach up on that.

Another nice try at belittling another's very reasoned, realistic and valid perspective.

*de-rail not detail ...

Haha! Slight detail there but I'll answer briefly - No I didn't sit and do nothing! That's another story though. I dealt with it in the way appropriate to that particular situation and that particular club, which we are no longer a part of due to lack of change regarding ingrained bullying behaviour and lack of interventions from swim england, and how hard it was to witness polite, hard working, dedicated young people being bullied and sworn at by a coach who demanded respect without earning it.

Agreed.

We’ve just about nailed “please,” with little reminders. “Thank you” we still need to do eye contact and Makaton for.

We’re not teaching pointless words aimlessly, we’re teaching by repetition that when people do things for us we say thank you.

You witnessed a small child being bullied and called a wanker by a grown man and you just sat and watched and didn't say a word