For getting rid of my chinese name

This may be true. However, I am speaking from personal experience.

My feelings, as an English person, are that you should honour your heritage and where you have come from.
You say you don't want anything to do with your family, which is very sad and clearly there is emotional pain there. I think your children, however, will be fascinated by your culture and upbringing as this will be also a part of them.
My suggestion would be to separate the feelings you have towards members of your family and the whole Chinese culture. The culture, I believe you should celebrate and be proud of.
I think it's up to you what you wish to call yourself, but I'd find it hard to give up my first name, no matter what country I lived in.
Be proud of yourself and your name, you are you not your family.

Funnily enough, I always thought I didn't look that Chinese, in spite of my mixed race background. But I once went into our local chippy when I was a teenager and it was run by Chinese people. The lady behind the counter started talking in Chinese when I entered, so I turned around expecting to see someone else behind me who she was talking to.

Of course, there wasn't anyone else, she was speaking to me. 😆😳😅 I guess I look more Chinese than I really realise 😅

God you're getting some stick on this thread OP. Do what you want. It's your name. You're not "losing your heritage" by changing your name. Some people think the "furniture" (names, clothes, following dated customs that great grandma followed but no one back home actually does anymore, keeping your hair a certain way etc) are how you remember your roots. Your heritage is your heritage regardless of how you live your life, and you should live it for you, not your culture or your family. Your children can, likewise, do what they want.

My DM didn't teach us our heritage language, I learned it myself as an adult. I don't hold it against her. She lived how she wanted and so do I.

Agree with this poster. I would take your family out of the equation and think more about China as your heritage and part of you. For example one day you could take your own family there and explore the wonderful things about China. I'm speaking as someone of one ethnicity, married into another and took husband's surname but gave myself my maiden name as a middle name. And our children today have names/middle names and ofc surname that reflect both our heritage. Who you are and where you're from is a beautiful enriching cultural experience I personally think.

Could you possibly give them a middle name that works well as an English and Chinese name, such as Lee?

My eldest stepson's wife is Japanese. She has a Japanese first name, which she has kept, (she mainly uses it professionally), though she's taken my stepson's surname.
Her Japanese name is beautiful, but most of us call her the English equivalent of it (she's quite Westernised) - it's a 'flower' name, so it works fine. Her family still call her by her Japanese name, her friends here don't.
They have a baby daughter who has a Japanese name, but which also isn't uncommon in the West - it's short, only four letters, and they didn't want her to have a name where people were constantly asking how to spell it.
(Her mum has had that problem all the time she's lived in England with her Japanese name - I had to ask my stepson how to spell and pronounce it.)
They've also given the little girl a middle name (which is apparently not a thing in Japan), also a 'flower' name, but an English one.
She's almost a year and a half, and they speak to her in both English and Japanese (daddy is learning Japanese) so hopefully she'll be bilingual.

I just think that if you feel you're unhappy with your name, or need or want to change it, for whatever reasons, that's up to you. It's a very personal thing.
I don't like my 'full' (English) name, l shortened it as a teenager and it's very rare that anything calls me anything but the abbreviated version now. It hasn't changed 'me' but it feels much more 'me' than my full name ever did. Even my mother ended up calling me by the shortened version.

Nah.

Thanks to colonialism and now more mixed ethnicity marriages there are lots of people whose last names show a part of their heritage which doesn't reflect their heritage as others perceive it to be.

There are a lot of Asian families in my children’s school. All from Hong Kong. They all have western names, both parents and children. They do have Chinese surnames. I assume they must have Chinese first names too but don’t use them within the school environment.
It’s absolutely your choice what you want to name yourself and your children.
I do think it would be a shame not to teach your children the Chinese language. Having 2 languages can only be a benefit

Changing your name is fine OP, but it sounds like you’re trying to erase your heritage. You will always be Chinese and your kids will still be half Chinese. Their name/language skills and appearance don't change that.

As someone born and raised in the UK but with non-British heritage, I find it quite sad.

My children are mixed Indian and White. They have sometimes been mistaken for South American or Spanish but never White.( not helped by one being fairly fluent in Spanish!) I have a friend who is half White and half Chinese and looks fully Chinese. I doubt your children will look fully White. I don't know any half East Asian kids or adults who look White.
I never really bothered going out of my way to tell my kids about their culture either although it's not something I hid from. But now they are older, they are obsessed with it. They have English surnames but my eldest was looking into double barreling his surname to include my maiden name. My parents didn't teach me another language, and I'm now too bad at languages to learn myself. Their native language is fairly useless too to be fair but one of my sons is trying to learn it! You never know how kids are going to feel about their identity. I feel full of regret that I didn't keep my own surname and give them a bit more of their heritage, but I was born here. As a first generation Brit I was surrounded by my culture and just maybe took the importance of it for granted. However my cousins kids are the same and couldn't care less so who knows?

do you mean from a cultural perpective?

I am multi-multi-heritgae heritage with a Chinese last name. I actually my grandmothers maiden surname. My father decided to dissociate from his white/jewish heritage and never used his name at birth. My father had a difficult relationship with his father. I found my father reaction odd - I understand not wanting to associate with his father. However, I struggled to understand his dissociation with his heritage. To be honest I always felt he not very grounded as a person and lacked authenticity - I struggled to understand and connect him on some levels. I wished he accessed therapy.

On another note, it can be seen as odd to have a Chinese surname when you don't look Chinese.

Of course I can?

It's usually an excuse to justify, from experience.

What does this even mean?

Do whatever works best for you. Nobody else’s opinion really matters does it.

You reflects a strong desire to create a new family narrative, but I don’t think what you’re doing is the answer.

Completely dismissing your heritage and family history can lead to a loss of cultural connection for both you and your children. Embracing elements of your background could enrich their lives, fostering a broader understanding of identity and diversity.

Your parents' past actions, while hurtful, don't represent your entire heritage. Rejecting your Chinese-ness entirely might perpetuate a cycle of disconnection rather than healing. Finding a balance where you honour your roots while creating your own path could be a more constructive approach.

Family dynamics are complex, and going low contact may help your peace of mind. But continuing to engage with your culture, even if it's in a way that's comfortable for you, could also help.

@M0rven a name isn't a whole heritage though. OP should do what makes her happy. The language thing for career is an advantage but not as much as some people seem to think and likely to become less so (sadly.)

I just saw your update and I think it would be a great loss for your children not to hear you talk & sing to them in your mother tongue. It’s a gift you could give them, which you would be withholding because of unresolved feelings about your past and your family. Talking Cantonese to your babies could be a beautiful way of reclaiming it for yourself and separating it from your parents’ bullying.

For the names, I think your plans are absolutely fine. They could always change their names in future if they feel strongly about that.

I have a friend in the US who adopted a child from China, they've gone for visits and she's had lessons and stuff but she has no interest what so ever. She's an adult now and still no interest.

My OH is from another European culture and was made to go to language school after normal school for many years. He really resented it.

The idea that it's 'sad' and that you're 'denying' them something and that they'll have identity issues just isn't the case. The OP's kids are British, but if they want to learn Cantonese she has said she will teach them and I'm sure she'll answer any questions they have. She's allowing them to show an interest rather than forcing a name and language on them that they might well not want or be interested in.

I think you're right OP, they're British and you're leaving it up to them to show an interest in their heritage if they want.

Totally your life and your choice

you were fast!!

I just edited my post to reflect that before I saw your post. Sorry.

The choice is completely yours, but if it were me I would give my children a Chinese middle name (preferably one that Westerners will be able to pronounce easily). I understand that you don’t want to bring them up as "Chinese" but like it or not it is half their DNA and heritage. If they don’t want to use the middle name when they are adults they can drop it, but they might be pleased to show their "individuality".

Cantonese then.

There’s something valuable for brain and language development though about exposing your children to the language you learned first. It’s more important than speaking french to them, if French is a language you both learned in school.

I think that's a shame. Your children are more likely to regret you not giving them the opportunity to speak Chinese than not giving them Chinese names.