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AIBU?

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To do this crazy sleeping arrangement

166 replies

sleepingsecondhand · 02/11/2024 10:06

It is strange and I’m sure I’ll get many posts saying it’s strange but if it gets me more sleep I don’t think I care.

We have a four bed house, three good sized bedrooms, one small room.

DH snores, badly, and for a myriad of other reasons we just don’t sleep well together so we don’t do it. So at the moment we have

DH in a double bed in bedroom 1
Me in a double bed in bedroom 2
DS (aged 3, almost 4) in a single bed in bedroom 3
And in theory DD (aged 15 months) in a cot in bedroom 4.

DD appears to hate the cot. I probably should sleep train her but it’s going to be horrible and will have to go for full cry it out which obviously in itself is controversial but ‘gentler’ methods won’t be gentle, she’ll never settle if I’m in the room with her.

However she sleeps OK in a bed. Last week DH was away and I just let her sleep in his double bed and she slept through.

I am considering just letting her sleep in my bed and buying a single bed for her room and sleeping in that myself until she’s old enough to go in a bed. I know it sounds a bit mad but seems the best alternative to cry it out at the moment.

OP posts:
Needmorelego · 02/11/2024 14:53

Why are people being horrible to the OP because she doesn't want a floor bed?
She has her reasons. Stop suggesting it. She doesn't want one !
Personally I struggle to get up off a floor bed so I wouldn't be comfortable sitting on a floor bed with a toddler to either read a story or just lay together because when it's time for me to leave I'd be stuck like an upturned ladybird.

EasyComfortDishes · 02/11/2024 14:11

P.S. I wouldn’t sleep my kids on the floor unless for high days or holidays.

EasyComfortDishes · 02/11/2024 14:10

Yes I’d worry that once she was in your room in the double then you’d have some awful transition later on (with added bonus of her actually being able to get out of bed and the room at that point)
I would go for a single with a bed guard/rail
in her room +/- some sleep training.

Coolblur · 02/11/2024 14:10

If you let her take over your bed it will become her bed. Put a single bed with bed guards both sides, or a wall one side, bed guard the other. It is important not to blur the lines too much and let her claim your space.

IamnotwhouthinkIam · 02/11/2024 14:08

YANBU to use whatever sleep arrangement works so that you all get a good nights sleep as long as it’s reasonably safe. Do get a proper bed guard for the double though (even if you have to put pillows against it so she doesnt bump her head and wake up - I have to do this for DS) - I’m not sure pillows alone would be safe longer term as they might slide/slip off.

I’d also suggest trying to get the same brand single bed for her bedroom as you have for the double bed she sleeps better on - that way in the future you can try swopping her back again and she might not notice so much difference (it would be nice to eventually get your bed back!). You could always transfer the same guard rail and prop pillows too - so the only difference would be the smaller sleeping area which she might accept once a bit older.

Inertia · 02/11/2024 14:01

Why can’t she have a single bed with bed guards?

She’d still have much more room than in a cot.

If she’s that wriggly, there’s always the chance of her kicking pillows off and falling from a double anyway.

If you’re giving her the double, chances are that there will never be a good time to move.

JimPanzee · 02/11/2024 13:55

I also hated sleeping in a cot, so was put into a bed at 9months old. This was before cot-beds or side rails so was surrounded by pillows.
I don't see a problem with putting a 15m old in a bed. Can her cot convert to a low cot bed, if not I'd just put her in a bed with side rails.

sleepingsecondhand · 02/11/2024 13:48

Bearbookagainandagain · 02/11/2024 13:17

To balance things out with the floor beds suggestions:

  1. My son had one at 2yo and didn't like it. He slept and enjoyed much more once we raised it (same bed/mattress/etc, just screwed up higher).
  2. They can be dangerous for younger children. My daughter loved walking around it when she was 12-15 months old but kept falling (because of the mattress, blankets, soft toys etc), and smashed her heads in the bedguards a couple of times. It hasn't happen once since it's raised off the floor.
  3. If OP's DD is sleeping better in the double bed, it's because it's a double bed. So a single, toddler bed, single floor bed won't work anyway. My daughter is the same, she wakes up the minute she hits the side rail.

And why buy a new bed if the existing one can work?!

I also don't think anyone can understand what it's like to have a child who will not sleep if you are in the room, unless you've had one. They will not sleep. There is nothing you can do but get out of the room and let them cry. We got stuck all in one room with our toddler during a holiday, it took 5 hours for him to fall asleep of exhaustion. He went absolutely ballistic! Now that he can speak, he asks us to leave the room to let him sleep.

Thank you. Yes your dc sounds like mine! And also I don’t have endless pots of money to buy beds; I just don’t. Whatever I buy needs to have longevity.

OP posts:
Lovelysummerdays · 02/11/2024 13:17

My eldest was a bit like this. I ended up putting bed slats on the floor within the frame then mattress so he didn’t fall out but it wasn’t so high he’d get hurt climbing over.

Bearbookagainandagain · 02/11/2024 13:17

To balance things out with the floor beds suggestions:

  1. My son had one at 2yo and didn't like it. He slept and enjoyed much more once we raised it (same bed/mattress/etc, just screwed up higher).
  2. They can be dangerous for younger children. My daughter loved walking around it when she was 12-15 months old but kept falling (because of the mattress, blankets, soft toys etc), and smashed her heads in the bedguards a couple of times. It hasn't happen once since it's raised off the floor.
  3. If OP's DD is sleeping better in the double bed, it's because it's a double bed. So a single, toddler bed, single floor bed won't work anyway. My daughter is the same, she wakes up the minute she hits the side rail.

And why buy a new bed if the existing one can work?!

I also don't think anyone can understand what it's like to have a child who will not sleep if you are in the room, unless you've had one. They will not sleep. There is nothing you can do but get out of the room and let them cry. We got stuck all in one room with our toddler during a holiday, it took 5 hours for him to fall asleep of exhaustion. He went absolutely ballistic! Now that he can speak, he asks us to leave the room to let him sleep.

Ottersmith · 02/11/2024 13:16

You are fixating on how strange the set up is. It's not strange at all. Also It's not strange that a toddler needs to be held to sleep either. They are still so small. Making them cry themselves to sleep is so barbaric. They don't learn to sleep or self soothe. They just know you aren't going to come so they are awake but stay quiet. Their stress levels are just as high and it leads to disordered attachment styles in later life.

Why can't she just share the bed with your husband?

NewDogOwner · 02/11/2024 13:13

Dr Sears (the attachment parenting guide guy) said the best sleeping arrangement for your family is the one where you all get the most sleep. Do it.

sleepingsecondhand · 02/11/2024 13:08

Nursemumma92 · 02/11/2024 13:06

You have made up your mind though and it seems pointless that you have started this thread when you won't take anyone's advice. Floor bed is much safer and you could always get a bed frame if it doesn't work out and you end up needing to sleep in there. If the mattress is good quality and comfortable then it won't be any less comfortable than on a bed, unless you struggle to get up from down low but not really a comfort issue, more of a practical one.

So I say - I’ll either get her a single and put her in it, sleep train or let her sleep in my double.

You say ‘you have made your mind up though’

And no matter how unpleasant it might make me I say … can you read? I mean yes, I don’t want a floor bed, but that’s the only thing I’ve vetoed.

OP posts:
Nursemumma92 · 02/11/2024 13:06

sleepingsecondhand · 02/11/2024 12:52

Don’t answer the thread then. The only person wasting everyone’s time is you. I don’t want a floor bed. I may get a single or I may do cry it out. I haven’t decided but I have decided and haven’t even considered a floor bed so keep your stupid faces to yourself.

You have made up your mind though and it seems pointless that you have started this thread when you won't take anyone's advice. Floor bed is much safer and you could always get a bed frame if it doesn't work out and you end up needing to sleep in there. If the mattress is good quality and comfortable then it won't be any less comfortable than on a bed, unless you struggle to get up from down low but not really a comfort issue, more of a practical one.

FlingThatCarrot · 02/11/2024 13:05

Is her room any colder than the others? Mine was waking last winter until we realised how cold her room gets in the night- I think it was down to 10c. Plug in radiator fixed the issue immediately!

I'd worry about potty training with a full height double? Will be she be tall enough next summer to get I and out on her own in the night if she needs a wee?

Waffle78 · 02/11/2024 13:04

Floorbed childproof the room and put a safety gate on the door.

To do this crazy sleeping arrangement
Lavenderflower · 02/11/2024 13:01

Can you buy a montessori bed? it ground level.

Autumn1990 · 02/11/2024 13:00

I put my youngest in a double bed at about 14 months and it was fine. Didn’t fall out, just used a cot duvet and no pillows. Went straight back to sleeping through after not sleeping in cot.
I also don’t share a room with my DH

Eddielizzard · 02/11/2024 12:59

keep your stupid faces to yourself

that made me smile 😂

FlingThatCarrot · 02/11/2024 12:58

A lot of toddler beds are sort of on the floor but with short sides to stop them falling out.

Google toddler house bed for the style. I'd try one of them.

Otherwise you get the master, snorer in the single with storage in master.

Geranen · 02/11/2024 12:55

Equally, I am not prone to be silly about cry it out.

It's not silly to not relish the prospect of abandoning your child to cry.

Geranen · 02/11/2024 12:53

Ah seen your last post. You're too unpleasant to bother with anyway.

Skate76 · 02/11/2024 12:53

Mine went straight onto a double mattress on the floor and were fine. Whatever you need to do 👍

Geranen · 02/11/2024 12:52

YABU for saying gentler methods won't work with your DD when she's only 15 months old.

sleepingsecondhand · 02/11/2024 12:52

PrincessAnne4Eva · 02/11/2024 12:49

Floor beds are exactly as comfortable as normal beds. It's a mattress on slats with an air gap underneath, there's just less leg. Doubles are dangerous if they fall out due to the height. But you've made up your mind that you want to do exactly what you planned and aren't interested in other options so I'm not sure why you're wasting everyone's time on this. 🤷‍♀️

Don’t answer the thread then. The only person wasting everyone’s time is you. I don’t want a floor bed. I may get a single or I may do cry it out. I haven’t decided but I have decided and haven’t even considered a floor bed so keep your stupid faces to yourself.

OP posts: