Family Visit - Normal to be Ignored.

People are so melodramatic about small children. Calling it survival mode is insane. Most adults are capable of saying good morning and being friendly with people in their home. Bring a mother doesn't mean you suddenly can't speak and are constantly overwhelmed and therefore have a get out pass for anything!

Oh gosh yes I remember the trying to keep them quiet so as not to wake the friend sleeping in the living room.

And yes my mum still wants to be waited on rather than muck in when she comes over - but she's got a lot of issues and has never really been good so I just learnt to live with it. But yes the waited on thing is odd.

How old are the dc? We're you expecting a Von Trapp style greeting?

So small children, how small?, who have probably been up for hours trying to be quiet and eating breakfast didn't specifically say good morning?

No one needs to do role modelling over breakfast in their own house, it's generally just survival mode with small children.

If they completely ignored you the whole time you were there that would obviously be horrendous but I do think that you are reading far too much into this one interaction.

Absolutely not true. If I have anybody in my house of course I will look after them! I And at the very least say good morning. But have very young kids, but I'm am not royalty and if you raise your kids as though they are the centre of the universe, then they grow up entitled with no manners. They need you to model good behaviour to them throughout their childhood. Such as not ignoring people, and looking after visitors in your home.

The answers on this thread are strange. In reality most people would find this off/rude.

Yeah, it is, and I would encourage my three year old to certainly. I only have one to manage though and he’s not shy. Sometimes people aren’t perfect parents all the time constantly looking for lessons and ways to shape their children’s characters though. Maybe she’s just trying to get through the morning.

Go home. You are not being made welcome here, you are being ignored!

Go back downstairs and sort out your breakfast, and ask the mum if two small children if she would like a cup of tea while you are making yours.

Excellent advice.

Suspect you're a bit cranky after the bad night's sleep and she's a bit cranky at having to be On first thing in the morning while also dealing with the kids. Once you both warm to the day I'm sure all will be fine.

It's rude if you said it an no one replied.

When you say you were ignored, do you mean you walked into the room and said "Morning, how are you all" to them and they completely blanked you?

It comes across as expectations are misaligned. You are seeing yourself as visitor to be hosted. They are seeing you as family member who will make themselves at home.

Go back downstairs and sort out your breakfast, and ask the mum if two small children if she would like a cup of tea while you are making yours.

The not saying good morning is rude but I’m not sure what else they are doing that’s wrong, can you explain more? Even woth 2 children id expect some conversation and then to ask you things over the visit even if interrupted

This, muck in. Did you ask how she slept with two small children?

Yeah exactly, it's a question that puzzles me tbh so I don't often ask it. Most people sleep badly in another house/bed, but it's also pretty rude to tell your guests that you had a bad night's sleep (especially when you're talking to a parent of young children who probably doesn't remember what good sleep is, and who found the time to clear, strip and change the spare bed) so basically everyone knows that the answer is a lie.

I think you’re being incredibly melodramatic. You’re family, not a foreign dignitary.

and slept badly.

So you want them to ask how you slept, so you can tell them you slept badly, in their home? Not sure what anyone is supposed to do with this.

I’ve always been of the opinion that whoever is the one entering the room says hello/good morning/good evening first…

But if you’re unhappy being in their company and home I would leave and let them enjoy their weekend, no one wants a guest who is miserable.

It sounds like you've just been welcomed as part of the family rather than any more formal "hosting". That's lovely and I would take it as a compliment.

Btw - if you're talking about a DIL and your son is up in bed while she's dealing with the kids and her MIL first thing in the morning, then the fault is not with your DIL.

Assume that you are grandparent come to stay for a few days.

So the idea is that are part of family life, rather than a guest.

People don't always say good morning to the people in their house, so I don't actually think expecting small children to say good morning in this circumstance is normal. You are just there in their house.

And I never ask people how they sleep, because if its bad there is nothing I can do about it and if its good then fine. Its a meaningless pleasantry.

If you don't want to muck in and be part of the family, so suggest you stay elsewhere and therefore it can be more of a guest thing.

Same as if you don't want ro do childcare, say so. Whereas most people would expect the visiting relatives to want to spend as much time with the children as possible

Did you expect them to be lined up in matching outfits chiming “Good morning Lady Hildegard” and for breakfast to be laid out in the dining room?

Did you say good morning or interact with the children? Or did you just expect them all to bow down to you?

Do you say good morning?

I never ask anyone how they slept.

People who have two small kids have zero capacity left to look after anyone else. You should be helping her rather than expecting her to accommodate you.

Who is the relative in relationship to you? Did they invite you?

Do you not start any conversation either or ask how they are?

And yes with small children they become the focus as they don't have an off button and are very full on so I agree just muck in.

It's odd neither of you say good morning.

I don't think it's odd the kids don't say anything. Mine wouldn't unless you ask them something specific.

Do you want to be there?