Family Visit - Normal to be Ignored.

Ah step mum? All about how much they appreciate your visits... Hmmm.

1. How old are the children? This really makes a difference to basic expectations.

1. How many of you are visiting? Some people find visitors in their own home really difficult, and more than one person can be even more stressful.

Is it step dd and her family? Who is the 'us' visiting? Or your dbro, and you're the frequent poster with the weird enmeshment with him and a dislike for his wife who will never be good enough?
Are you being invited or inviting yourselves?
It doesn't sound like you enjoy going from your last post, or if you do enjoy, it's only because you are hoisting your judgy pants exceptionally high, because all the blame is on her, where's the husband in all of this ?

Is this a one off, or have there been other episodes of rudeness?

It's difficult to know if this is a one off, or she's been completely rude the whole time.

We are not great morning people in our house, in fact we barely speak or acknowledge each other. We're all happy with that. There's no great conversation here,even asking Do want a drink, do you want some breakfast is deemed as too many questions (adult household btw). I've never had anyone stay at my house really but I would definitely try to make the effort, I would at least acknowledge you and pick up my kids to do it too. But that could be it, I wouldnt ask how you slept etc....that's just not very "us". If you were related like grandma, MIL etc I would just hope that you "get on" with the morning just like the rest of us

Has the basic politeness been otherwise present? Has the visit been otherwise pleasant?

Like I said above, I do think you're right in that it's rude not to say good morning, but I would be cutting your daughter (?) some slack given she's presumably exhausted. Honestly, when I was in those little kids years my mum was mostly just concerned for me rather than worried about my hosting skills. Do you think your daughter is aware of your feelings?

It really depends on ages of children and normal behaviours. Tiny children take up all the brain space. If they are otherwise normally polite then they probably were just absorbed in the chaos that is young family life and meant nothing by it.
I don't see what making your breakfast has got to do with anything!

I shall now go back down and find stuff to make breakfast with.
Make sure you sigh heavily, maybe sniff a little so everyone knows the arduous task.
Have they hidden the breakfast stuff from you?

I shall now go back down and find stuff to make breakfast with.
Make sure you sigh heavily, maybe sniff a little so everyone knows the arduous task.
Have they hidden the breakfast stuff from you?

OP i can't see that you've answered the question, where is your son in all this?
Why is your DIL up early dealing with young children AND being expected to wait on you, where is your son, surely he should be the one taking the primary role hosting you??

Ahem

Do you greet them and they ignore you? Or do you come downstairs and wait for people to say good morning and ask how you slept and then get annoyed because they haven't done that?

Asking how you slept is a bit old fashioned to be honest. I don't think younger people do that any more. What are you going to say anyway? Probably "Fine, thanks", even if you didn't get a wink of sleep. It's unlikely that you will say "It was awful. The bed was too hard and I could hear you snoring all night"

Not everyone exchanges pleasantries first thing in the morning.

Apart from a different level of manners, you've said there's not been a falling out and if they're not intentionally ignoring you then can choose not to be offended as no offence was intended and get on with the day.

If this was me not saying good morning to my MIL it would be because I would already know that I had failed to live up to her standards just by existing so I would be concentrating on keeping the kids quiet so they didn't do something that else that reflected badly on me.

Usually I am a decent host but with MIL I am not because our relationship is irredeemably poor and I have stopped trying to second guess what would be the right thing to do to please her.

Why ask if she slept well when I already know that the bed will be too hard/ room too hot/ curtains not thick enough? Why offer anything for breakfast when it will be wrong (what no oat milk/ Darjeeling/gluten free pastries) If I do buy whatever was right last time it no longer is or is the wrong brand or whatever.

Basically she's gonna judge whatever I do so at least I no longer expend energy in a futile effort to please her.

Of course your circumstances may be entirely different

I think the fact that the op has posted on mumsnet, rather than maybe ask the relative whether anything is wrong, suggests that she's possibly quite hard work.

The parent sounds quite rude. Harassed by kids or not, I presume she can still speak to a person in her home.

I wouldn't bother.
I realise little darlings are the centre of their world,
however, some basic manners do go a long way.
🙄

Not acknowledging you is very rude. I wouldn't base your stay on this one interaction though, it depends how they are to you the rest of the time. If they (the adults) are that dismissive the rest of the time I wouldn't be rushing to visit again.

Maybe she had been up at the crack of dawn with the small kids, trying to keep them from making too much noise and feeling a bit frazzled.

People who have two small kids have zero capacity left to look after anyone else.
Why do MN trot this out? having kids means you can be rude and ignore other people?
Having kids isn't an all consuming thing, many of us can continue to be normal functioning adults.

How were things yesterday OP? Did you all go to bed in good humour?

What PP said. Just leave. Either give a fake reason for needing to get back (e.g. feeling unwell, needing to help a friend out) or just grab your things and go without saying a thing, same way they've been treating you.

It’s difficult to give specific advice without knowing your relationship to the host. But, as a mother of two under 3, I would only invite people who I think don’t need too much hosting to stay. I’d tell them to help themselves to anything they want from the kitchen and then expect them to sort out their meals or eat what I cook for the family. Again, I’d offer a cup of tea if I was making, but would expect them to make one for themselves if they wanted it and, ideally, ask me if I’d like one too.

From someone very close (a grandparent) I’d actually expect some help around the house (light cooking, cleaning their room/bathroom and help with the children). I don’t know if that’s the case here.

I agree it’s very rude that the parent is not acknowledging you when you say good morning. Are they usually like this? Otherwise it seems like you’ve done something to offend them and/or overstayed your welcome.