Boyfriend wont attend my birthday party

This. End it, or you'll still be like this in 5 years.

Massive red flag. This doesn’t sound like it’ll go the distance, because of an issue with him.

Yep throw this one back.

I’m an introvert too and the same. I wouldn’t go out with my DH and his friends on a normal night out (and they only do meals with a few of them) but not going to your own partner’s birthday celebration, even just for a drink? It’s clearly important to the OP too.

You are only about a year into this. Get out. He clearly has some sort of issues. Find someone who cherishes you.

Ok let’s say he was going out with Margot Robbie and she asked him to come to her birthday party, do you think he say yes? You need to find someone who thinks you’re worth pulling out the stops for.

Andrew Huberman had a really interesting podcast episode on toxic relationships recently and one of the reg flags was how someone relates to their family and friends.

Going against the grain here, I can see why it doesn't appeal to him. I'm an introvert, and if I'd been away with school all week, the last thing I'd want is to go out with 15 complete strangers for a night of drinking and dancing. I'd need some quiet time to decompress.
However, it's concerning thar he never wants to meet your friends.

OP don't let people on here make you feel bad for wanting him to attend your birthday or like you're being spoilt and a birthday brat.

Putting the birthday aside, you're not happy in this relationship. No one really knows you're together, he doesn't post any photos of you and I assume you feel like you can't either, you never socialise together and he won't introduce you to anyone. It's not just about one birthday meal.

Have you met his family?

It sounds like it’s maybe grown in his head to a point now where he can’t face meeting your friends. If he’d done it gradually over the year he would know enough of them that your birthday would just be a natural night out. He really needs to grow a pair though, a 30th is special.

Have you talked about your future at all? Is he thinking you might live together and if so will he hide in the shed when you have visitors?

I had a boyfriend like this. He would never join me at anything with my friends or family. Sometimes he'd say he would, but would always drop out. It became really embarrassing because people would of course ask when they were going to meet him, and probably thought I was making him up.

It turns out he did have other girls on the go, but that was the symptom rather than the cause, the real reason he wouldn't socialise with my friends is that he just didn't care about me as a person. I served a purpose (sex, pretty girl to take out, enjoyable to string along).

There's no future in this relationship op.

I think he’s married and you are the unwitting but on the side. Sorry

I would emphasise that it's a pretty big deal he goes to your party and then not mention it to him again, if he doesn't attend as expected make it your birthday gift to yourself and ditch him.
I would hazard best present ever in hindsight.

Is he married? Sounds fishy

Have you questioned why he attends other people's parties and social events but not yours? It's not nice but I think you are back burner woman. You think you are in a committed relationship but he is still looking

He is making an effort, though - he is taking her away for the weekend of her actual birthday. The meal is a week later.

I would worry about a friend who's boyfriend wasn't coming to a big birthday! It just seems unloving!

I had an ex like this. He wouldn’t come to a family wedding with me after 18 months together because he ‘might want to go out with his friends’ that weekend. I broke up with him then and there. Made it clear I wasn’t important to him, he didn’t have anything planned, no other woman, I just wasn’t a priority. For my 30th birthday this would be an absolute deal breaker for me.

There’s someone else op. I’m prepared to bet he’s not away on a residential either.has he already told you he won’t be able to contact you for the whole week?

OP, you are a nearly 30yr old woman. Why are putting up with this shit? Having a relationship means having the tough conversations. If you continue to accept crap like this then your unhappiness is on you. Tell him it’s not good enough and you expect change or you can’t continue the relationship.

If he'd met your friends before and vice versa and you were openly in a relationship, it wouldn't be embarrassing because your friends would know him and know that it was legit but a boyfriend of a year who they haven't met makes it entirely different. I think the PP suggestion of calling him out and saying you've moved it so he can come is a good shout. His reaction will tell you everything you need to know.

It’s not just after a residential he’s NEVER met her friends, after a year. I wouldn’t miss my boyfriend’s 30th birthday meal, even if I was tired. And I’ve done residentials with kids, 100% I would be there.

OP how come you haven't told your mutual friends either? Did he specifically ask you not to?