Boyfriend wont attend my birthday party

Tell him to shit or get off the pot. How can you want to be with someone who doesn’t want you to be part of their life and is avoiding at all costs to be part of yours?

He’s scared to meet your friends - and he’s a teacher ???!!!

I sincerely hope that my DC were never taught by a person so pathetic that they’re scared to meet their partner’s friends.

Drop him - he’s not worth any time or effort.

Exactly my view

He's "scared"? The man's a teacher, stands up in front of a class (or classes if secondary) of kids every day, has to meet quite regularly with parents - sometimes under difficult circumstances - and He's "scared" to meet your friends?

I smell bullshit.

This. No point wearing yourself out trying to figure out why. He’s just ruling himself out.

He’s showing you who he is op & you’re not a priority unfortunately.
Would you want to carry on like this at your 40th?
What would happen if you had kids? Would you be taking them places/family events etc alone?

Happy Birthday OP . You deserve much better than this - we all do . I’m sorry but he isn’t committed to you , maybe he’s not sure you’re the one or just too young or maybe there is someone else . Please do not waste anymore of your time on him - find someone that adores you and wants to show you off not someone who doesn’t want people to know you are his girlfriend .

Why don't your mutual friends know you are together? Why are you his secret girlfriend? actually, the reasons don't matter. You are his secret girlfriend, and that is a reason to dump him.

You think you are in a relationship but he has other ideas. Bin him and get a boyfriend who is proud to be in a relationship with you.

"Boyfriend"
🙄

Give yourself an early birthday present and start your 30s single. You should be with someone who wants to be part of your whole life, not just the bits that suit him.

@Gloriia You deserve so much better than this idiot. Bin him.

She has a key to his place, it would seem very reckless to allow this if he is married even even if he could afford a secret bachelor pad. They have many mutual friends I think a dw would have been evident.

What’s the dynamic with the mutual friends? Has he asked you to keep the relationship a secret?

He's not necessarily married, but it's likely that he sees meeting your friends and family as upping the commitment in your relationship to a level that he's unwilling to take.

I wasted a year of my early 20s with a man like this. Luckily, he moved back to the US, where he was from, so that ended it quicker than might otherwise have been the case.

When I look back, I find it bizarre that I put up with essentially being put in a box for a year, while he socialised separately with his friends and made excuses not to engage with mine.

I met my DH a year later and unlike the commitment phobic man, he took me as a plus one to his friend's engagement party when we had barely been in a relationship for a month!

From what you have described, OP, I would cut my losses if I were you

In the op you said you'd booked a table in a nice restaurant, it didn't sound like a booked room with catering. Perhaps he got the wrong end of the stick too and thinks it is table booked in a restaurant for your friends and he's happy to celebrate with you the weekend before?

Yes this.

You’re only young. Don’t waste any time on him. I’m double your age and was spun a merry tale from some fella. He met all my family, never met his. Knock him on the head, lick your wounds, find yourself again and heal 💐

It’s not the relationship you want. Time to move on.

This is not a long term relationship. That's fine if that is what you want, something light and fun.

However, if you want him to be your life partner this is not going to happen. A year and you haven't met each others friends. He's not even pretending to try and create a life with you

Oh, @5599katherine this sounds a bit miserable.

I think I’d use my thirtieth as a fresh start, you don’t want to be wasting time on someone now. If he was really into you of course he would go to the party.

enjoy your party with your friends and I hope you meet someone who will be happy to fit in with your social circle

He can't make the effort for you on a milestone birthday only a year in. Imagine how shit hes going to be down the line.

Then for some reason he wants to keep your relationship hidden.

And aside from this odd behaviour , if yes so tired at 30-something what would he be like in 10 years time maybe with children? Not taking them anywhere bc he’s tired? Not doing his share of the home load bc he’s tired?

Dump and move on.

It feels embarrassing because it is embarrassing.

You have even said just come for a drink or leave early

Your 30th birthday party with friends is a big deal but more significantly it's important to you and he should make an effort because you are his GF that he should care about

The best birthday present you could give yourself is getting rid of this time waster

Don’t waste another year with this drip. A heathy, grown man could pop along to your birthday meal is he really wanted to. Too tired? What a baby. Honestly raise your bar and move on. Have a lovely birthday (without him!).

It sounds like he's doing future faking but on a smaller scale. Yes I'll come to that event, yes we can move in together, just to let you think that you're both on the same page, then oh dear, something's come up.
He's keeping you firmly in friend zone so far as anyone else is concerned. Now why would he still be doing that after a YEAR?
Maybe there's another woman, maybe you're the other woman, maybe not. But something is smelling very very off.
Don't put up with someone who won't acknowledge your place in his life. At the very least it's belittling, dishonest and disrespectful.