Boyfriend wont attend my birthday party

I’d end it before the event so you can use it as a fresh start. It’s lovely that you have good friends to celebrate with: focus on that 😊

I don’t know your situation @5599katherine but if you want to have children you need to end it with him and not waste time. I’ve seen friends waste years on hopeless men and very much regret it.

There’s no future in this, OP. Think about it: he’s not interested in meeting your friends/family = he’s got no interest in your life. I don’t think he’s the one for you.

Very odd response, it's too much pressure to expect him to attend and support his gf at her milestone birthday celebration.

After a year of being together that’s definitely an odd response!

Apologies @Spockty missed that.

@Fratch It's here.

Wow leave him, either he's got someone else or he's boring.

@interlaken I am not seeking to justify anything or asking her to lower her expectations just asking if she has considered that he might have a problem, and at this point I will modify "shy" to social phobias, but is unwilling to admit to it (men being far less likely to admit to any mental health issues) then all I am saying is that might be an explanation rather than just assuming he's being an arse. Not all relationships function on the same basis. There is a lot of nasty comments on here but she has a choice as many people have pointed out. @Spockty she doesn't say anything in her original message about him going out to parties with his mates but simply that his friends are all work colleagues.

He’s not scared. He’s gaslighting you. He has another life going on somewhere if he is hiding your relationship after a year. You serve a limited purpose in his life, boosting his ego but you are probably the other woman in his life. The residential thing being organised after you organised your birthday thing is giving me bad vibes, too. School things like that are usually planned a long time in advance. Are you certain it’s work?

Anyway, I believe you don’t have a future with this guy so if you want more, you need to look elsewhere

He is living a double life, I think that’s very suspicious.

@Fratch except he happily goes out to other parties and with his mates....he's not shy...he's dodgy as fuck

But being shy isn’t really a good enough excuse to embarrass your girlfriend and really hurt her feelings, or do you disagree?

Or are you saying that his shyness/ whatever trumps her feelings and she owes it to him to lower her expectations?

Maybe you find your husband lovely, but I personally would be so wounded by this (which you are seeking to justify) that it would happen once and the relationship would be over. Does he at least own his behaviour, or does he expect you to make excuses and hide reality?

Read a lot of negatives on this but has anyone considered he might be shy or suffering from a social phobia of some sort? (If you have, I apologise, haven't read all comments). It doesn't mean that just because he's a teacher that he's not hiding some fear of meeting or socialising with new people. Many people hide issues beneath perfectly normal facades. My husband of 25 years is similar, it took me years to drag him along to family events etc but he's a lovely man, a great dad so i'm glad I didn't give up on him in the early stages.

They are going away for the weekend, that is indeed something. He's not going to the restaurant with her friends for a meal but i don't think that's anything to get worked up about.

Maybe the op could use the opportunity to discuss if it is just a casual thing or if he sees them together long term.

yes, I don’t care how casual it is @Gloriia , you go to the milestone birthday do, tired or not. The tiredness is just an excuse. And a Pathetic one. If he wanted to be there he’d be there come hell or high water. But he doesn’t. For reasons unknown.

Red flagof there ever was one. He's keeping all options open, no e of your (or his) friends have ever seennyou as a couple, so he can introduce a new woman whenever he wants. I would not go but rún!

Even in a casual romantic relationship something is expected on a 30th birthday. If he can’t be arsed that is diagnostic of a basic disinterest in her that is fatal. But I really think it is rude to assert that it is OP who does not understand her own relationship and has somehow mistaken an FWB situation for something more. Its pretty clear that he has been fighting to limit the relationship in reality while continuing to bewilder and befog her that it is real/primary/significant.

It could be first signs of controlling tac-tics to isolate you. Beware! Hope I'm wrong but be aware

I'm not sure you could describe the op as the other half. They are only 30, don't live together and seem to have a casual relationship. The boyfriend possibly sees a meal out with girlfriends (as said in the op, a table booked in a nice restaurant) as not something he has to attend.

The issue isn't the birthday, the issue is he seems to want a more casual relationship perhaps and the op wants a serious relationship with commitment so a chat needs to be had about their future.

I don’t care how tired anyone is, it’s a pathetic excuse for a young man who’s fit enough to go on a residential, not to go to his other half’s milestone birthday do. An acquaintance’s party, yes, partner’s milestone, no. You’d drag yourself there if needs be but you’d be there.

Going to be gentle here to you both. Teachers are always tired and need lots of decompression. I’m assuming he is similar age to you so it’s only going to get worse as he gets older. You are not compatible energy or social battery wise, so it’s probably wise to call it a day on this, while you are still young. Go and have a fabulous birthday celebration.