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Original poster

Paying for holiday

62 replies

Ph3 · 02/11/2024 00:50

I’m going to try to keep this short. I have recently moved abroad and my wife’s brother and wife have come to holiday and stay with us for a week. We have 3 kids and they don’t have any. We have been out for 3 meals so far - each time my wife asked would you like to stay home and she would cook or go out and they want to go out. Each time the bill comes and they don’t make a move to pay and let me pay the bill. Is this normal? I was expecting them to pay what they consume…

OP posts:
coxesorangepippin · 02/11/2024 02:32

Yeah they're taking the piss.

They are stopping at yours for three weeks (are they contributing to groceries?) then not offering to pay when you go out for food??

Have they brought gifts/wine/stuff for the kids etc??

Original poster
Ph3 · 02/11/2024 02:28

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 02/11/2024 02:02

It is a bit harder since you have 3 children and they have none they shouldn’t pay for 5 people to their two but they should be at least paying for themselves or paying for every third meal.

Suggest to your wife tonight she says we are staying home for dinner tonight- no option of going out.

If you do decide to go out either before you leave the house say we will just pay for our family of five tonight if you pay for you two yeah ok.

What does your wife think of the cf behaviour?

I would never expect them to pay our share… just theirs. My wife was the one who brought it up and is quite upset by it all.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ph3 · 02/11/2024 02:25

Gatecrashermum · 02/11/2024 02:10

I've honestly seen 2 schools of thought on this - you are my guest, please let me get dinner vs you are my host, I insist I get you dinner. Maybe your ILs just think if you go and stay with them they'll pick up the tab each time?

Regardless, this is normally only for the first one.

Agree with all suggestions on addressing this. Either don't offer the option to go out, or say it's your turn to pick up the tab before leaving the house.

Btw also reasonable to take them to the supermarket to allow them to buy their own groceries / snacks.

Edited

We have gone back home - but wouldn’t stay with them as they don’t have the space - but always paid for ourselves and kids if out and if we go to theirs for dinner or so we bring wine/drinks dessert and sometimes dinner for the kids (as they are fussy)

OP posts:
Original poster
Ph3 · 02/11/2024 02:23

OMGitsnotgood · 02/11/2024 02:16

I would just say 'we've spent our budget for this week, we need to eat at home for the rest of your stay' and see whether they offer to take you out.

I can't imagine staying with someone and not offering to pay for their meals out. Could it possibly be a cultural difference, whereby the expectation is that the hosts do pay for everything? Or maybe they are just taking the wotsit.

Definitely not a cultural difference as we are all born and bread in the same area with similar backgrounds

OP posts:
OMGitsnotgood · 02/11/2024 02:16

I would just say 'we've spent our budget for this week, we need to eat at home for the rest of your stay' and see whether they offer to take you out.

I can't imagine staying with someone and not offering to pay for their meals out. Could it possibly be a cultural difference, whereby the expectation is that the hosts do pay for everything? Or maybe they are just taking the wotsit.

Gatecrashermum · 02/11/2024 02:10

I've honestly seen 2 schools of thought on this - you are my guest, please let me get dinner vs you are my host, I insist I get you dinner. Maybe your ILs just think if you go and stay with them they'll pick up the tab each time?

Regardless, this is normally only for the first one.

Agree with all suggestions on addressing this. Either don't offer the option to go out, or say it's your turn to pick up the tab before leaving the house.

Btw also reasonable to take them to the supermarket to allow them to buy their own groceries / snacks.

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 02/11/2024 02:02

It is a bit harder since you have 3 children and they have none they shouldn’t pay for 5 people to their two but they should be at least paying for themselves or paying for every third meal.

Suggest to your wife tonight she says we are staying home for dinner tonight- no option of going out.

If you do decide to go out either before you leave the house say we will just pay for our family of five tonight if you pay for you two yeah ok.

What does your wife think of the cf behaviour?

Starzinsky · 02/11/2024 01:52

Usually when splitting the bill you tell the other party what they owe you or tell the waiting staff how much to charge on your card and theirs. Rude of them not to step forward and offer to pay their share though.

SatansBobbleheadedDashboardOrnament · 02/11/2024 01:04

Stop giving them the option. They've established their cheeky fuckery three times now. They've set the precedent and they're not suddenly going to start offering to pay. If they suggest going out, simply tell them you won't be paying for any more meals after covering the last three. Either they get the hint and offer to treat you or you eat whatever you have in. And if they decide to go out themselves, I'd never be inviting them back. I'd be borderline on that by now anyway.

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/11/2024 01:04

"each time my wife asked would you like to stay home and she would cook or go out and they want to go out"

"Sounds lovely, the next three are on you as we got the last three" and <pause> DO NOT SAY ANYTHING ELSE.

PenguinLove1 · 02/11/2024 00:58

Stop giving the option, i would just prepare to cook dinner and if they say they want to go out say thanks thats lovely of you to want to treat us this time.

NuffSaidSam · 02/11/2024 00:52

I would expect them to at least pay half, but probably more as you're hosting them.

Next time just say "do you want to get this one as we paid last time?".

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