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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Birthday AIBU

40 replies

loulouwho1 · 01/11/2024 22:52

It was my birthday on Tuesday, not a big one. 47. We woke up as usual in the morning. DH and I both working and teenagers hanging around the house.
Not a card, present, nothing. Ok I'll see how the day goes.
I get home from work to a card from DH and the kids with some supermarket flowers.
I feel hurt that there was no thought / planning. DH accuses me of being spoiled. I think that hurts more. I'm the furthest thing from a princess! I work an insane amount of overtime consistently and I do everything for the family.
DH works full time too and contributes at home and with the kids. Generally we have a great relationship.
AIBU for being upset?
You wouldn't even have known there was anyone's birthday in the house. I just can't shake this feeling.

OP posts:
Scutterbug · 01/11/2024 23:11

Ah that’s disappointing Of course half of mumsnet think celebrating your birthday is unnecessary and you should be grateful if you get anything but I think Birthdays are a time to spoil and to show you appreciate somebody. They should have made more effort like you do for them.
I have four adult children now but from about the age of 10 they started sorting cards and thinking of ways to make birthdays special like breakfast in bed. It’s just basic kindness.

Original poster
loulouwho1 · 01/11/2024 23:11

Rainbowdottie · 01/11/2024 23:10

I wouldnt be upset. A card and flowers would be enough for me. It's not like they forgot. What would you want them to buy you?
I think if I wanted something specific,I'd tell my husband and he would buy it. No surprises on the birthday I grant you,but if I really wanted something, that's how it would work. Again if I'd wanted "bigger celebrations " , I'd arrange with my family/husband/kids..."hey it's my birthday next week, shall we go out to dinner?".

What would have liked to have done or received?
Edit I've just seen your response that you thought they had forgot and you would have liked cards, banners, cakes, takeaway etc. I can't comment on banners, cakes ...those things aren't important to me....I guess if I wanted a takeaway, I would have said.

Edited

Nothing extravagant... maybe perfume or makeup.. vouchers for something. Just a token.

OP posts:
Rainbowdottie · 01/11/2024 23:10

I wouldnt be upset. A card and flowers would be enough for me. It's not like they forgot. What would you want them to buy you?
I think if I wanted something specific,I'd tell my husband and he would buy it. No surprises on the birthday I grant you,but if I really wanted something, that's how it would work. Again if I'd wanted "bigger celebrations " , I'd arrange with my family/husband/kids..."hey it's my birthday next week, shall we go out to dinner?".

What would have liked to have done or received?
Edit I've just seen your response that you thought they had forgot and you would have liked cards, banners, cakes, takeaway etc. I can't comment on banners, cakes ...those things aren't important to me....I guess if I wanted a takeaway, I would have said.

Original poster
loulouwho1 · 01/11/2024 23:08

Park24 · 01/11/2024 23:05

Sounds pretty thoughtless. I'm not a big one for adult birthdays at all but I'd like to have the offer of a cup of tea in bed and a couple of card to open when I woke up, the offer of a takeaway. It all sounds rather dismissive and to call you spoilt is very unfair.

I'd have been absolutely delighted with this

OP posts:
WearyAuldWumman · 01/11/2024 23:08

loulouwho1 · 01/11/2024 23:07

I made some playful hints in the morning so I think the cards and flowers were a response to that.

I feel so stupid for feeling this way because I'm an adult and it's not important... but why couldn't he have been more organised and had a small gift / card that morning.

For everyone's birthday I make a fuss.. always get banner balloons cake etc and thoughtful gifts.

I feel like I work my balls off for this family and they can't even acknowledge my birthday.

If he'd have held his hands up I think it would be better. But now he's saying to me that he's annoyed at me being annoyed! Feels like gaslighting

You shouldn't have had to hint. You're not being unreasonable at all.

Original poster
loulouwho1 · 01/11/2024 23:07

I made some playful hints in the morning so I think the cards and flowers were a response to that.

I feel so stupid for feeling this way because I'm an adult and it's not important... but why couldn't he have been more organised and had a small gift / card that morning.

For everyone's birthday I make a fuss.. always get banner balloons cake etc and thoughtful gifts.

I feel like I work my balls off for this family and they can't even acknowledge my birthday.

If he'd have held his hands up I think it would be better. But now he's saying to me that he's annoyed at me being annoyed! Feels like gaslighting

OP posts:
Sethera · 01/11/2024 23:06

Yes, I'd be upset. There's only me and DH at home but we do try to make birthdays special - not with expensive presents but things we actually want, such as a particular book or CD - and we have a meal out in the evening.

Pandasnacks · 01/11/2024 23:06

What happened for your birthday last year and the last few years?

Park24 · 01/11/2024 23:05

Sounds pretty thoughtless. I'm not a big one for adult birthdays at all but I'd like to have the offer of a cup of tea in bed and a couple of card to open when I woke up, the offer of a takeaway. It all sounds rather dismissive and to call you spoilt is very unfair.

jackstini · 01/11/2024 22:59

Depends - what usually happens in your house for non-big birthdays?

If you always do presents, cards, cake, special meal - then YANBU

But if not - they did remember and do something, so better than a lot of posts on here where there is zero acknowledgment

2chocolateoranges · 01/11/2024 22:57

I’d be upset, I spend a lot of effort on my families birthday, eg gifts, cards, cake , banners etc

i expect some effort made on my birthday, flowers are nice but they just don’t cut it!

WearyAuldWumman · 01/11/2024 22:57

Cynic17 · 01/11/2024 22:55

People remembered. You got a card and flowers. I don't see the problem.

In the OP's place, I'd be upset that there were no cards from my husband and children in the morning. It suggests that they forgot.

Cynic17 · 01/11/2024 22:55

People remembered. You got a card and flowers. I don't see the problem.

JabbaTheBeachHut · 01/11/2024 22:55

The flowers were thoughtful.

Why does it matter where they bought them from?

Gimmeabreak2025 · 01/11/2024 22:53

Yanbu

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