MIL only one not to say my baby looks like me

My former MIL used to say my son looked like his dad. He had the same white blond hair that his dad had as a baby but other than that, the boy is my absolute double. It never bothered me

Grow up

She can quite easily do right. All she has to do is say oh he's got your eyes OP! You're a great mum!

It's not hard to be nice to a new mum. Thank you for such a beautiful grandbaby wouldn't go amiss either, all she has to do is acknowledge mum and her input as she did all the hardwork instead of acting like the baby is 100% her son. If it's possible to see anyone in a baby it shouldn't be hard to see OP in them should it? A baby is half and half, it's common courtesy to acknowledge both parents.

DD1 did look like dh's side. Less so as she grew up. She's now a mixture in looks but very dh in personality.

Dd2 is very much my side, there's a very distinctive look and way of moving which is my uncle/brother/mum's cousin.
This is so distinctive; I had only met my mum's cousin once or twice growing up, but as an adult I saw someone coming towards me and knew he had to be related because he was so like my uncle/brother. Turned out to be my mum's cousin, who was (as we were) visiting the area.
Facially she's like me, and always has been.

Ds is so like dh that both have them have been stopped in the street to ask if they are related to the other one. He's the spit except for hair colour. We have child photos which could be either one of them. He's more like my dad in personality though.

Thing is both me and dh were fair/blue-eyed as a child, so people could see what they wanted to.

However, I do get where the op is coming from. There were two points I can remember feeling irritated:

One was when dd1 was about 2yo. MIL stayed and literally everything was just like someone in her family. Yes, dd1 was alike, but not that distinctive. The point it hit exasperation point, was we were taking dd1 to the park. I put out my hand to take dd1's hand to cross the road and she put her hands behind her back, because she didn't want to hold hands.
"Oh... oh look. She's walking with her hands behind her back. X used to do that all the time."
"She's only done it because she didn't want to hold hands crossing the road."
"Y used to do that too..."

I mean, honestly. That was pushing it.

With dd2 she used to go on about her eyes. Apparently because they were blue that was her side of the family. She's actually got my dad's eyes, and he's got his dad's, most of her is mum's side of the family. They're a very bright blue, whereas dh's side are very grey-blue.
Apparently her eyes are like her mother/herself/my fil/one of dh's siblings/her cousin etc depending on the particular person she was thinking at the time.
Thing is she was so like my side of the family, that I think blue eyes were the only thing she could latch onto as like them.

What I have just realised, and my dc are adults now, and it hasn't occurred to me before, is that my side of the family has always acknowledged the likeness to dh's side, and never particularly commented on how alike dd2 is to me.
It's been mentioned very occasionally, but just in a "tall like her uncle" way rather than "sooooo like in every way....". They're far more likely to comment how like ds is to dh than how alike dd2 is to me, and when dd1 was a baby they commented that she was like dh.

You’re being silly. Do you really care about this? Just smile and nod.

Our children look like neither of us, nor each other. Sure, we get comments that they look like their dad or me. They don’t, not even slightly, and I actually like this genetic diversity on show.

Why do you care? He’s obviously yours! They say babies look like their dad at first, something to do with genetic surety? I think a baby is its own person, who cares who they look like?

Yes, there’s mildly annoying and then there’s genuine pain and cruelty. 🌷

My mil is like this. She was like it when my dd was a baby. She'd apparently show people my dd in a photo and they'd say she was her double. She wasn't. But it used to annoy me. In the end I snapped and said she looks like all of us. It doesn't really matter. She never says it anymore.

I think this is normal for some relatives.

It was obvious from birth that I took after my DM and there was not the remotest trace of resemblance to my DF or his family. Didn't bother him in the slightest, he thought it was hilarious how I grew up like my mum's younger identical twin.

However from his mum I had 20 years of 'your hair is curly like Great Uncle x, your eyes are the same colour as Cousin Y' etc etc.

I mean, my mum would be right in the room with us, it was fucking obvious I looked like her and not some obscure relative from my DF's side of the family.

We just laughed about it in the car on the way home.

It’s not actually a competition.

This

DC is almost my double. When people meet us/them for the first time, they always comment on how similar we are. ILs never comment on who DC looks like.

I guess if DC took after their side of the family they would comment.

Maybe she sees her son in his face because it’s more familiar to her. Nor worth worrying about.

💐💐.

I guess but I’m talking from my experience whereby nobody on my side has commented on their features/looks. Probably did when they were born, but that was it. MIL still 7 years later muses of their features at great length.

Many a time I was told my DS looked like me. He was adopted and definitely resembled his birth mother.

Maybe MIL is the one being the most truthful?

Or maybe she recognises facial features she saw in other babies in their family?

It's really not an issue. Either there are other things you are not mentioning or you are looking for faults where none exist.

Mostly, babies take after turnips, no matterhow lovely we think they are!
They don't look like either parent for quite some years, please don't let her get to you

People see different likenesses in babies. I wouldn't read into this.

OP she might know it but is worried that her son IS bothered. My son looks like my OH but I wish just ONE person had lied and said they could see a resemblance to me in those first few weeks. I didn't care at first but after the endless 'omg he's the Double of x, I can't see you in him at all' it does crazy stuff to your brain and does start to hurt. She might be worried that will happen.

Almost no babies look like either parent at that age. It's just one of those conventional pleasantries people trot out to show an interest in your child. You're massively over thinking it.

I think both sides can do this though?

My SIL goes on and on about how much her kids look like her (they don't..) and wonders about where the blond comes from - err, fairly obviously from her in-laws as her mil and my DH are both blond

So what. She probably sees her son in him. Why on earth would you think it a personal slight?

I'll tell you what one if those is. After three miscarriages and DS 2 dying at a few hours old, MIL said it was a shame I couldn't perform.

I think you need some perspective.

Most people say this because there isn’t a huge amount to say about babies. I actually can’t see why this would bother you unless you were worried your baby wasn’t yours but that tends to be more of a problem for men.

Oh it’s a mother in law thing, mine is exactly the same. They can be so passive toxic

My MIL is the same, as in she will sit there and muse outloud where my son got his blonde hair from, well nobody on her side has blonde hair so it’s really strange, I’m like hello he’a 50% me and I had the same hair colour at his age.

what really takes the biscuit was when she visited after my son was born she said ‘oh are you crying because you look like your mummy, don’t worrry you’ll get used to it’.

she wonders why I stopped making an effort after that