Friend interrupting when I am talking

DH used to do this all the time but I pull him up on it, every bloody time now rather than just let it go. He's learnt to stay schtum until I finish. I've always been brought up to 'never interrupt' as its viewed as being rude however DH says 'I grew up with 4 siblings and interrupting was the only way to be part of a conversation growing up!'...I just reply 'yeah, well you're just in a family of 4 now, with only 2 of us here, so the competing to be heard is bollocks...especially when you've not lived with your siblings for 40 years!'

A friend also interrupts all the time. She'll ask me a question and when I attempt to answer it, she barrages me with loads more questions so I don't get hence to answer anything. I just shut up and she just waffles and answers the questions herself 🥱I rarely pick up the phone to her these days cos I know I'll just snap at her. So bloody rude tho.

FantalsFine - "you must find it so annoying when the middle of my sentences get in the way of the start of yours".

I am going to remember that sentence, as it's bloody marvellous.

OP, this annoys the tits off me and I have either called them out on it, or done what a previous poster said and just stopped talking. If they then notice that I have, and ask why, I then explain that they completely interrupted me and I assumed they didn't want me to talk any more.

Hmm I plan what I need to say, make it extremely short, say it then stop.
Sometimes I get it out, most often I don’t.
I stop, sit back and withdraw.

Communication is shit.

@Brandnewskytohangyourstarsupon that is exactly what one of our employees kept doing to me (DH company) in the end I just gave up trying to say anything as it didn't matter what it was I said she would interrupt and talk over me. But apparently I was causing as atmosphere by making no effort to hold conversations with anyone because I was so quiet all the time while the employee was being blatantly rude all the time.

I’ve had people do this to me before and silently seethed before. It’s not fair and you feel like crap. It’s only happened twice but one person took it well, the other person tried for a while but then carried on. After a while I stopped seeing her as it was so irritating.

Interjecting is different to interrupting & it's often a natural part of conversation, as long as the original talker is allowed to continue

OP I see you say you ‘know your friend doesn’t have ADHD’. Sometimes with other people I think the best we can say is maybe so, maybe not.

Some experts on ADHD say that women with ADHD find their symptoms much harder to mask around times of hormonal shift.
So at puberty, with menstruation, in pregnancy and post birth, plus the peri years and around menopause. So if your friend has seemingly recently developed this trait, maybe have a chat with her. With more self knowledge it may be something your friend can exert even more self awareness on to try to not make it a thing that unintentionally hurts your feelings. Lots of stories on here of friends who talk about it, work around it and even joke together about it.

‘Blurting’ tends not to come from a bad place and sometimes the other person’s good intentions can be really helpful to consider to take the heat out of a mismatched ND/NT comfort zones situation.

Saying that I also agree with the implication of what Bunnyhair said. If this friend is your closest relationship in life, then her interrupting you a lot will get very difficult. But if it’s a friend your normally enjoy being with and you have other friends who reliably aren’t like this, OP, then maybe try having a direct chat about it with your friend before cooling off the whole friendship. She may have no idea of the effect of her words. She may be struggling in lots of other ways to manage with anxiety, lack of executive function and memory and attention problems- all part of the ADHD package. If it’s wasn’t the best friendship to begin with and it’s hurting you, you don’t need anyone’s permission to cool it off though.

A work colleague does this to me.

Obviously I have to be professional.

I actually stop talking. I go silent and let them just go full steam ahead with their more important information. I offer no further contribution.

They don’t even notice I’m no longer with them in any meaningful conversation or discussion.

I feel dismissed, unimportant, invisible, stupid and like they don’t give a flying shit if I’m there or not. I might as well not be.

It’s incredibly self centred, and demonstrates zero self awareness in my opinion.

Hate it, it bothers me for the rest of the day after it has happened.

When you sit down to have a chat with your friend, pull a small sticking plaster from your pocket and take off the protective wrapping so it is ready to be used. If she asks what it's for tell her you are going to stick it over her mouth the next time she talks over you. If she doesn't ask then literally put it on her mouth when she interrupts you.

It's NEVER useful to interject. Wait your fucking turn. Let someone finish speaking.

Grrrrrrrdr

ADHD. I have to absolutely scream at myself inside to not interrupt.

I do this, but it's always relevant to what's in the conversation, I don't talk about something else.

I have ADHD. I just thought it was normal because everyone in my family does it. I try to keep my mouth shut where possible.

Urgh my mum does this all the time and getting worse as she gets older. I can be in the middle of something important and she jumps in with a totally irrelevant/unrelated comment.

So rude.

This sounds like the natural flow of conversation, it can be really useful to interject with your views etc

I used to work with a guy who interrupted but he also had a really loud voice so he'd completely take over the conversation. As we were friends I started saying "lips moving, still talking!!" He got it in the end and it became a running joke. He'd even wait for me to start talking then he'd purposely interrupt but it was quite funny. I also have another friend who interrupts a lot, I don't say anything, I just bring the conversation back to what I was saying. She told me her daughter tells her off for interrupting! I think, so why don't you do something about it then?!

I think it's ok to interrupt/interject as long as you apologise and then let the person carry on

I can't bear being interrupted. For me I think a big part is feeling "what I have to say is less important than what you have to say" and I know it's a trigger

My tolerance threshold is lower though these days. I am quite a fan of "you must find it so annoying when the middle of my sentences get in the way of the start of yours" to repeat offenders - I think I MAY have learnt that on MN. I found it hard to learn generally that it was okay to say just let me finish, or to go back to what I was saying

Also in scenarios where everyone is constantly talking over everyone else it distresses me and sometimes to avoid it happening to me I'll put my hand in the air until someone might notice I have something to add, only I can't get a word in edgeways unless I interrupt someone else. Happens a lot with one particular group of friends! [This isn't arsey and they are real friends]

Yeah, it’s not great.

Your DH sounds a delight 😳

This is also really important. If someone can’t respond in a way that doesn’t make things feel worse when you’re talking about a very painful loss, then you don’t have to remain friends with them. It doesn’t matter if they can’t help it. It’s almost worse: that means there is no hope that it will change even if you try to discuss it with them.

This person might be a fun friend in the good times but people who can’t read the fucking room when you’re bereaved can’t be relied on as proper friends and it’s perfectly within your right to give them a swerve. (And don’t get sucked in when they it make it all about them and how hurt they are that you’ve ‘ghosted’ them or whatever. Because it is always going to be about them.)

My DH (ASD) does this. Mainly because he’s just not interested in what other people talk about most of the time and isn’t listening and genuinely thinks he’s doing us all a favour by pointing out a bird in a tree that he can’t imagine everyone wouldn’t be just as enthralled by as he is.

I mainly rely on friends who are more socially aligned with me for conversation; it’s less frustrating and lonely.

I have a school mum friend who does this to the point of me avoiding chatting on the school run. She talks about the same things almost word for word and I can't get a word in. I have adhd and I find if I don't interrupt them then I won't stand a chance of saying anything. She will ask an initial question and I answer but then she's off on one. She's lovely but it's exhausting.

That provides an interesting insight, thank you.

Can you explain a bit more, please? (This is a genuine request - I have younger-generation family with ADHD, and look for ways to understand their thought processes.)

If, as the OP describes, you're talking about a very emotionally charged subject, such as "my mum is dying". A normal person (I consider myself one) would react to that with an appropriate emotional register. Depending on personality - a normal person would lean in and offer comfort, or freeze up and shy away. But the content of the subject would touch them and inform their immediate, subsequent behaviour.

How does a person with ADHD bypass the emotional response and go to pointing to a poster, as the OP describes, with no addressing the OP's situation?

I do this but it wouldn't be random crap it would be because something you have said triggers something and I have to segway to tell you before I forget it again. Then I would apologise as what you were saying and try to listen usually be not looking at you as I can look and focus on what you are saying

I will not ‘pipe down’. What an outrageous thing to say! I too am giving my view, since when is yours the only valid pov?!