To think that people overuse therapy as a solution for every problem?

No, an emotional support network isn't responsible or able to deal with or process anyones emotions. The affected person has to have had developed the skills to do it themselves and if they can't do it nobody else can do it for them. You can lean on friends, maybe cry about something or take practical advice. But all this isn't what happens in therapy. Therapy really isn't a replacement for the lack of a support network.

I agree, OP.

you might be interested in reading Abigail Shrier’s book Bad Therapy. It’s focused on adolescents and children but many of the issues it raises apply to adults too.

one thing Shrier points out is that like any other treatment or intervention, if therapy is powerful enough to be beneficial, then it must also be powerful enough to cause harm in certain circumstances. But there is an assumption made that therapy can only be good and beneficial.

I needed to develop an understanding of what exactly caused it

Trauma arises when something happens that is so awful we need to avoid it at all costs in the future. To do that we need to understand exactly what happened, why it happened and whether our actions (or lack of) contributed to the event(s) in some way. That's why there are flashbacks, nightmares and intrusive thoughts as the mind desperately tries to find answers.

When all those variables can be understood we will be safe, right?

But what if the event was simply completely random? What if the other driver died so couldn't explain why they swerved? What if the person who abused or tormented you refuses to discuss it or can't be found? What if the young you saw things that you couldn't understand so developed a false narrative to try to make sense of what you heard or saw?

Accepting that there possibly/probably isn't a satisfactory explanation and never will be is a huge part of letting go of trauma. Once your mind knows that constantly seeking an answer is a fruitless exercise it will let it go and the trauma no longer has an emotional hold over you.

Are you turning to it too quickly, OP?

If not, there is an intriguing question as to why you are concerned about what other people might choose to do? Do you have insight into why you might be so interested in judging other people's choices?

Ive never known anyone to seek therapy for the issues you’ve mentioned but I have met a lot of people who would have benefited from therapy but who took the bottling up, numbing with alcohol and taking it out on others route instead. Anyway what would be the issue with going to a therapist for the reasons you’ve cited? Why would it be wrong? The idea that everybody is turning to therapy at the drop of a hat is bs.

I get what you mean, OP. I know from experience that I find it really unhelpful when people suggest therapy as the big magical solution. I’ve tried therapy and it’s not for me.

Not saying therapy is bad and that it doesn’t have its uses. For some people it’s great. But I think that if people want therapy they will already be seeking it and they don’t need someone on here to tell them to do it. So when you see someone trying to start conversation looking for a hand hold and practical advice from people, talk to them! Don’t fob them off with “therapy will help you.”

Sometimes speaking to people who have good practical and anecdotal advice is better than therapy. Therapy is also expensive privately and the waiting lists on the NHS are very long, so again that’s another reason why therapy shouldn’t be immediately thought of as the solution to everyone’s problems.

Therapy helps people who can't cope with small challenges to cope with them. There might be many reasons small challenges are overwhelming to some.

You are suffering under the illusion that everyone is like you.

If you have no coping strategy for a bad week at work then yes, therapy would help.

Therapy helps you to understand your own reactions to situations. Some people cope well with life, others don't.

Who does that? The NHS certainly doesn’t provide that and very few can access private. I suspect those that can access private only do when absolutely necessary due to cost.

Depends what you mean by 'small issues'?

I don't think people should use therapy reactively every time something bad happens - eg you don't need therapy automatically for every single upsetting event or bereavement, you should only be looking to it if working your feelings through with your existing emotional support network (friends, family) really isn't working. Or maybe if you don't have an emotional support network.

Exactly this for my young person.

@Eyesopenwideawake lots of traumatic events came up for me in therapy that I had 'forgotten' and the realisation and going back there completely floored me every time, but were necessary to integrate and overcome it. Just working on today's symptoms of past trauma wouldn't have achieved the same results. I needed to develop an understanding of what exactly caused it and what it felt like at the time to reduce the heavy dissociation in daily life. I actually needed to allow myself to fe el those feelings, and although extremely painful I could reap the rewards after many months.

Because you know what the trauma is, you live it every day; so you do not need to 'go back' to that place in therapy, it's there. I've worked with trauma that the client was unable to describe or even acknowledge - she knew what it was and that was enough to allow her mind to let it go.

Nobody starts therapy because they had a bad week at work. But a bad week at work may come up in conversation 🤷🏻‍♀️

The only people I know who have had therapy have done for completely understandable reasons such as:

Depression
Living with bipolar
Bereavement
Divorce
Commitment issues rooted in upbringing
Parenting very sick children
Living with cancer

Etc...

Or they've worked supporting others with huge issues and therefore therapy is a requirement of their supervision

If it helps people to be less sad, angry and enables them to have better relationships then I think it's a very positive thing and no doubt more people should give it a go!

👍

Perhaps or recognising some parts are protective and that they can stay for the moment - don't have to tear down all the walls at once.

I meant visited/ relived but having a young person suffering with it and trapped in a cycle they relive it when they revisit and can’t control revisiting and use destructive coping mechanisms to block it out . So revisiting is a key part of therapy if they are to develop independent coping strategies.

It can be visited but it doesn't have to be relived.

I talk to my clients about the possibility that they might disassociate when talking about trauma and we will take it very slowly and use grounding techniques to come back into the present before they leave.

If you have trauma please look for a trauma informed therapist.

Well your ignorance of what therapy is breathtaking.

Therapy is a safe confidential space to open up. It allows a trained professional to support and signpost the individual towards their decision or acceptance.

Therapy doesn't do the work for you. The person does the work.

Honestly it sounds like you could benefit given your tone deaf post.

So how do all the trauma treatments work if the big elephant in the room that causes a huge amount of distress and destruction isn’t visited?

There's no requirement to relive trauma in therapy - where is the value/point of doing that?

Yes, yes, yes. Excellent post.

A paper based on allegation and not fact.There is next to no provision on the NHS. People are struggling to pay bills, very few can afford private therapy. It’s not a cornerstone let alone part of daily life.

I’m autism as are my children. Therapy saved me child’s life,is much need for another and got me through a very difficult period in life. It also saved me from losing family and friends whose job isn’t to be my therapist. I need more and one day will have it. Can’t afford it at the moment. Therapy can be amazing, it isn’t just about coping but understanding yourself, fostering strength and growing. It’s such a healthy thing to do. I marvel at what one of my dc has gained from it. I will always regret not selling a kidney and getting therapy for my children before they fell into crisis. It would have saved the nhs a lot of money from future use of services and us a lot of heartache but you learn. Ops like this are hugely unhelpful to families in a similar position.