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Too be really fucking angry with people who just let abuse happen- Sara Sharif

530 replies

dinomirror · 01/11/2024 20:01

Reading it now its horrific. People saying we heard screams- and yet did nothing??? How does a person just think that no im not going to report this, most likely because they cant be bothered/ dont want to be involved. Scum of the earth the dad is. The stepmother ( and her sister!) going on and on about how they feel bad etc and dont do anything!

OP posts:
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andjustlikethat1 · 01/11/2024 22:08

BlueSilverCats · 01/11/2024 22:07

@andjustlikethat1 that little rant doesn't make you any better , you know?

This is the problem we have to speak out

BlueSilverCats · 01/11/2024 22:07

@andjustlikethat1 that little rant doesn't make you any better , you know?

NeverDropYourMooncup · 01/11/2024 22:07

TheSnugHare · 01/11/2024 21:15

Oh for fuck sake. Can you stop throwing the racism term around. What do you call it when someone is determined to continue ignoring important issues about certain cultures and religious even though they cause violent deaths

Maybe if you stopped flinging racist shit about the place, that would help?

Pretending that the bible's 'Spare the Rod, spoil the child' was anything but exactly what it said, trying to backtrack but still say 'but we don't do it now' (spoiler - yes 'we' bloody well do), ignoring the fact that women and girls of all cultures and faiths are subjected to violence and abuse to an extent that it has its own name now - Violence Against Women and Girls - is ridiculous and yes, is utterly racist. It also fails to protect the victims who don't fall into your neatly defined not white like 'us' categories of 'Those sorts abuse children' because you're automatically saying 'oh, only if they have mental health issues, whereas somebody of another religion/skin colour, it's natural for them'.

Don't ever think that possession of a particular genetic makeup renders children in that group safe from awful abuse and neglect. It doesn't.

andjustlikethat1 · 01/11/2024 22:07

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socialdilemmawhattodo · 01/11/2024 22:06

BackForABit · 01/11/2024 21:04

I don't necessarily disagree with you about basic checks on EHE children's welfare, education etc except I do disagree with this statement 'If the child is thriving, the parents will have nothing to fear from regular welfare checks.' Some children/ families (particularly neurodivergent families) absolutely thrive on quite an alternative approach to education and life and this is often very poorly understood by local authorities.

This is one of my big issues about this idea that none of us have anything to fear from, what was the quote a few posts above, a few "regular checks". Anyone who has a ND child, even if they are in school, will know that they and the family are not perceived kindly or acceptably by many. And those in authority seem the least willing to accept different ways of managing ND. Regulating home education is not the answer. And yes I am also aware that families where children have big issues are often elbowed out to home ed in Y11, in Dec. (School census in Jan that counts for the national scoring).

Startinganew32 · 01/11/2024 22:06

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This is quite chilling to read. Racism is alive and well it seems.

FfsBrian · 01/11/2024 22:06

@Dweetfidilove There is massive under reporting from BAME abused women. In fact 6/10 women who access shelters are BAME women which is shocking considering they are a minority. They face huge hurdles due to closed off cultures & police not taking violence against them seriously.

This should be a bit of an eye opener for you

‘Left on the scrapheap’: Higher proportions of black and minority ethnic women suffer domestic abuse but ‘face racism from public agencies’ | The Independent | The Independent

Higher proportions of black and minority ethnic women suffer domestic abuse but 'face racism from public agencies'

Young black woman wrongly labelled as being member of gang but was instead a college student 

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/domestic-abuse-bame-women-services-a9586111.html

hotpotlover · 01/11/2024 22:05

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Reported

SpoonHeader · 01/11/2024 22:05

howrudeforme · 01/11/2024 22:03

@andjustlikethat1

wow, just wow.

I don't agree with that poster, thing is people believe these things and you can report away, it doesn't stop their beliefs.

howrudeforme · 01/11/2024 22:03

@andjustlikethat1

wow, just wow.

RunningOutOfImaginitiveUsernames · 01/11/2024 22:03

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Hang them all? You are disgusting.

And it's absolutely none of your business why someone has a new phone. How you know so much about a family you want dead is beyond me.

Reported.

itsmylife7 · 01/11/2024 22:03

HaveYouSeenRain · 01/11/2024 21:30

Have you been to Woking before? It’s not very very white.
the oldest mosque in England is in Woking and it has a large Asian and muslim community.

In 2021, 14.2% of Woking residents identified their ethnic group within the "Asian, Asian British or Asian Welsh" category, up from 11.6% in 2011. The 2.6 percentage-point change was the largest increase among high-level ethnic groups in this area.

Edited

Again, I will repeat poor Sara WAS living in a part of Woking that is predominantly white.

So the neighbours who heard her being beaten and tortured were white.

Startinganew32 · 01/11/2024 22:01

IAteAllTheCake · 01/11/2024 21:58

@Startinganew32

Sure, how about something a little more up to date...

learning.nspcc.org.uk/media/ryodwhyg/child-deaths-abuse-neglect.pdf

I'm not saying that all step-parents are a risk. I'm saying that it's a common cause of child deaths

Yeah that one says “parent or step parent” throughout. Not that stepparents are a bigger risk.

biscuitandcake · 01/11/2024 22:01

dinomirror · 01/11/2024 21:22

@Dweetfidilove but asian background women arent going to report the abuse, especially those who are 1st gen immigrants

What's the best way to solve that issue IYO? More education for first generation Asian background women, community education programmes, 0 tolerance (and harsh punishment of) any form of child abuse, more outside interference, more community led programmes?

andjustlikethat1 · 01/11/2024 22:00

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Lettherebejustice · 01/11/2024 21:59

Efacsen · 01/11/2024 21:57

IDK but it was my understanding that the step-mother doesn't have any family in the UK so maybe the sister is beyond the reach of justice

That would explain it, thank you.

RickyGervaislovesdogs · 01/11/2024 21:59

I couldn’t ignore it, I couldn’t ignore an animal suffering let alone a child.

Shame on those that do.

IAteAllTheCake · 01/11/2024 21:58

@Startinganew32

Sure, how about something a little more up to date...

learning.nspcc.org.uk/media/ryodwhyg/child-deaths-abuse-neglect.pdf

I'm not saying that all step-parents are a risk. I'm saying that it's a common cause of child deaths

pavementgerms · 01/11/2024 21:58

But on MN we are told not to judge if we see a parent screaming at their child. It's "just a snapshot of their day" apparently.

Diorchristian · 01/11/2024 21:58

The whole fleeing the country is bizarre, then the weird press conference sounding like victims being "hounded", expensive plane seats? Saying *your looking for us ".
It all feels very weird.

Does anyone feel they have been told to say not guilty as a way of finding it hard to pin it on any of them

Haveyouanyjam · 01/11/2024 21:57

Lifeomars · 01/11/2024 21:49

This is from the abstract from a research paper done by the University of Huddersfield into " Violence against children by step parents"

A wide range of child and caregiver characteristics, including parental psychopathology, parents’ childhood experiences of abuse, parenting stress, child age, parent age, child disabilities, socio-cultural background, and caregiver’s relationship to the child, have been reported to contribute to increased risk of violence directed against children. Although there is a dearth of research into violence against children in stepfamilies, some studies have indicated that stepparents are more likely to abuse children compared with genetic parents. Stepparents also have been found to pose a significantly greater risk of using excessive violence, which can subsequently lead to the death of a child. The risk of violence against stepchildren has also been found to be significantly elevated with the presence of stepparent’s genetic offspring. One possible explanation for increased violence in stepfamilies is that stepparents do not want to invest feelings and resources in children who do not carry copies of their genes. Sexual violence by stepparents, on the other hand, can be explained by the lack of exposure to a learning mechanism termed ‘incest aversion’, which refers to negative sexual imprinting during a critical period of early childhood to avoid inbreeding. Yet another possibility is that people who divorce are more likely to do so due to aggressive impulses which can play a part in relationship termination. When they remarry, those aggressive impulses can be directed against stepchildren. However, stepfamilies are also reported to experience more stressors associated with family violence, including alcohol abuse, child’s behavioral problems, adverse contextual backgrounds, and weaker social networks. This suggests that the stepfamily structure may not be a risk factor of violence against children per se. The purpose of this chapter is to provide a description of the problem of violence against children by stepparents, discuss the extent of the phenomenon and its possible theoretical explanations, critically review empirical research assessing violence against children by stepmothers and stepfathers, as well as suggest directions for future research.A wide range of child and caregiver characteristics, including parental psychopathology, parents’ childhood experiences of abuse, parenting stress, child age, parent age, child disabilities, socio-cultural background, and caregiver’s relationship to the child, have been reported to contribute to increased risk of violence directed against children. Although there is a dearth of research into violence against children in stepfamilies, some studies have indicated that stepparents are more likely to abuse children compared with genetic parents. Stepparents also have been found to pose a significantly greater risk of using excessive violence, which can subsequently lead to the death of a child. The risk of violence against stepchildren has also been found to be significantly elevated with the presence of stepparent’s genetic offspring. One possible explanation for increased violence in stepfamilies is that stepparents do not want to invest feelings and resources in children who do not carry copies of their genes. Sexual violence by stepparents, on the other hand, can be explained by the lack of exposure to a learning mechanism termed ‘incest aversion’, which refers to negative sexual imprinting during a critical period of early childhood to avoid inbreeding. Yet another possibility is that people who divorce are more likely to do so due to aggressive impulses which can play a part in relationship termination. When they remarry, those aggressive impulses can be directed against stepchildren. However, stepfamilies are also reported to experience more stressors associated with family violence, including alcohol abuse, child’s behavioral problems, adverse contextual backgrounds, and weaker social networks. This suggests that the stepfamily structure may not be a risk factor of violence against children per se. The purpose of this chapter is to provide a description of the problem of violence against children by stepparents, discuss the extent of the phenomenon and its possible theoretical explanations, critically review empirical research assessing violence against children by stepmothers and stepfathers, as well as suggest directions for future research.

This says that some studies suggest that step parents are more likely to abuse children as compared to biological parents, amongst many other factors. It does not say anywhere that it is the greatest risk factor, and does not indicate how they have defined step parent.

Efacsen · 01/11/2024 21:57

Lettherebejustice · 01/11/2024 21:43

Will the sister not recieve any repercussions for being told about ongoing abuse and failing to report it? Not just once, but multiple times.

IDK but it was my understanding that the step-mother doesn't have any family in the UK so maybe the sister is beyond the reach of justice

hazelnutvanillalatte · 01/11/2024 21:56

Dweetfidilove · 01/11/2024 21:14

Almost twice as many women in the White ethnic group experienced domestic abuse in the last year (6.0%) compared with Black or Black British women (3.1%) and Asian or Asian British women (3.0%).

This is from the ONS, so I'm not sure how true your statement is.

Depends also what is more likely to be reported though

BlueSilverCats · 01/11/2024 21:56

Startinganew32 · 01/11/2024 21:31

The majority of abused children in this country are abused by their biological white British parents.

That's because white children ARE a majority in this country. It's like saying the most children abused in the UK speak English. Well... duh.