Please talk me down I am going to lose my shit

I think today is one of those days you’ve just got to say fuck it.
Let them watch tv, YouTube, have some time for yourself ( sans cat if possible) and tidy up one small bit later on.
I can empathise with your dd, I’ve got fibro and CFS. Bloody hell the pain today is awful, I can only hobble. I’m stretched out on my bed and the cleaning, ironing , dog walking and everything else will just have to wait til the pain goes. I hope your dd will feel a bit better soon.

Our half term was earlier in the month but even by then the kids were all knackered. The week before I'd look at them coming out of school and they all looked tired. Let them just rest, is a couple of days of films, video games and lounging about in PJs going to cause any real harm.

Let them loaf about doing their thing while you get on with doing yours.

It’s half term . Put on a movie, poor a cup of tea/coffee - some snacks and all just chill out together .
whats holidays are for .

I'm a former year 5/6 teacher with three of my own so I identify with everything you say.

I just think that saying children cannot bring their own dishes down due to SEN is nonsense. Its a fight but they dont go on anything until thats done. Takes 5 mins. I stand by what I said in my post. I'm sick of SEN being used an excuse for every thing. We are not doing these children any favours here and I weep for the future, I really do.

I do feel sorry for the op, I really do, which is part of the reason I posted.

I get in a pickle at times too, but she shouldn't be doing everything on her own.

What is your arrangement re school holidays etc with XP?

My X and I aren't teachers but I pushed for him to cover 50% of all school holidays etc. At first he say all teh time off school as my issue and I quickly made him aware that it was OUR issue. If he doesnt have enough holiday time to cover then he paid for and made arrangmetns for his time.

Being a single parent is really ahrd work and this arrangement quickly improved my life and my time to recover dramatically.

If you can do this with your X this will give you a bit more of a break.

No good advice to give but you’re doing amazing, you’ll be ok, and ignore anyone who is passing judgement without walking in your shoes ❤️❤️❤️

Been there. There’s really no miracle help.

Find solace and pleasure in the small things. Try to declutter and uncomplicate schedule. Don’t try to be a hero.

Try not to care about what other people think/judge. Block them out.

Read, podcasts, audio books … take pleasure in small creative things. Wander Homesense … and laugh at the ridiculous decorations.

@ZippyDenimBear , I’ve been a teacher for years , ironically working wing challenging children and I’m hot on consequences, great at behavioural management. Guess what ! It doesn’t fckn work with one of mine. I made him empty the dishwasher yesterday and he argued about it for almost an hour , then he started giving out while doing it -this happens every.single.time. I give him swift consequences and guess what it doesn’t work , he does he exact same thing the next time etc etc etc . I still persevere but yesterday it caused me so much stress dealing with him again, I had heart palpitations and felt appalling…

Sending you strength. Though my kids don’t have SEN, and are older now, I’ve been there many times. Stood at the back door, deep yoga breathing, in my case while having a fag. I used to be out a lot of the day when off with them, as being at home was often hell, I’d never get anything done anyway and the house would end up even more of a mess.

Kids at their most challenging can make you feel insane. And exhausted. And you’re a teacher too, with the level of demands and stress that can make anyone feel insane. While teenagers bring their own challenges, it will get easier.

I hear you op, I’m also a teacher so back on Monday. I have 3 dcs and they are very full-on all the time. They all get up at the crack of dawn everyday , even the teenager. It’s all really really wearing tbh . I love them so much but weirdly I don’t find it magically easier now they are older and get so sick of being assuming that . I have a great dh but we are both exhausted and snappy , we both have totally hands off families, in fact there’s serious issues such an alcoholism in his so yeah…. Zero help or support.. no nice aunties or uncles to take them out for an hour or ever.
If I were you make sure you rest when they are at their dads, maybe a nice bath or good movie . It won’t solve any problems but it will help . Peace to you op

Op please don't feel alone. I have 3 dc, 1 of whom is SEN and she sounds very similar to your dd (also no school with EBSA too). Just be kind to yourself. If they spend all day on YouTube nothing awful is going to happen. Tomorrow will still come, regardless. Ignore Pps talking about using asd as an excuse. I know precisely the plate removing scenario you are talking about and the hell that could be let loose if you'd pressed it too much.

I am sorry,Icantpeopleanymore, life is just like that sometimes.

Could you afford a cleaner? Even fortnightly would be a big help. Think about it.

Can you afford to get someone in to do some of the DIY - pick one thing that would really improve matters and get it done by someone else?

How old is DD? Honestly, I'd just take the plates out her room, let them do what they want (within reason) for a couple of days) and save the life lessons for another day.

OP I'm a lone parent of DD15 with AuDHD PDA.

Yes it's bloody exhausting I work full time too.

I think the biggest challenge is trying to take care of yourself and getting them on a more self care path.

Often DD was like Stig of the dump, hated the changes her body was going through too etc. periods were a battle. But with encouragement she has taken control of her room and her self care and having a bath almost everyday is like her decompression time now.

Can you please get out the house this weekend, go for a long walk, have coffee with a friend. You matter too!

Yanbu at all, anyone would be over their limit with what's going on. I would say with your DD, it's fair enough that she's allowed to eat in her room if she finds it hard eating downstairs, however it has to be with the condition that her pots have to be brought down afterwards, I don't think that's too much to ask of anyone.

I lost my shit at my teens yesterday. 17 (nearly 18) and 16. Both ND.

I work 16 hours days. I barely sleep. I had to call police before we even opened yesterday because some little cretin decided to go for me because I dared ask him not to park in our car park without asking.
DH is a wanker, I'm this close (imagine two very close together fingers) to throwing him out. My accountant has fucked up and we're about to be taken to court for council tax he was meant to sort out. DLA forgot to action our change of address so stopped DS' DLA, so I called today because I sent the form back they wanted 4 weeks ago and they had yet to fucking press a button. My postmix machine went bang last night for the third time.

By 8.30 last night, I was shattered, hungry, and pissed off. Go upstairs for a five minute break, flat is a tip. No milk. No bread. Washing up everywhere. Clothes everywhere. Rubbish not taken to the bins.

That was the final straw
One of my regulars reckoned he heard me downstairs (but fully supported me).

I took their bloody phones that I pay for, and said this gets done or I will keep these bastard phones. And homework could be done on my computer in the bar, which is a)old as feck and b) they won't want to be in a noisy bar

I went up at 11.30 and they'd done the washing up, the rubbish, the washing was started, and one of them had vacuumed. I got a cup of coffee brought down to the bar before closing and they walked to the supermarket for milk and bread

Sometimes all you can do is tell them what for.

My DH is still a wanker regardless but that I'm making plans about.

Apart from the Mum guilt, will there be any repercussions of letting the kids do what they want for an hour or 2? Sounds like YouTube for one, and hibernating for the other. Let them do that, have sonething to eat, and set yourself a timer (say an hour) to get sonething off your todo list.
Then another break, and another hour.
It will still only be 5. You can try and do something with the kids then, or just order a take away.
Over the weekend, I think you need to schedule some "you time" as well as chores and work.
The going for a walk, with the aim of starting sonething like couch 2 5k in a bit sounds like one possible. But watching crap TV, reading a book, or going out for a coffee are also valid suggestions.

You need to look after yourself as well as everything else.

Can you make a timetable or rota and break things up into small blocks of time? This means you all know what to expect and there is a time limit on each section to make it more manageable.

You could try a list of house rules and jobs you are all responsible for, maybe look at a reward if you complete all the tasks like a nice takeaway or more screen time uninterrupted when the less desirable chores are done?

If your daughter is at school the rest of the week and finds it exhausting then you are probably fighting a losing battle getting her to get up and go and do something out of the house, I would suggest encouraging her to help with jobs around the house but if she wants to spend the rest of the time in her room and it’s giving you a break as well then don’t fight it. Like pp mention though don’t let SEN be an excuse to let you do everything.

Is your cat an indoor cat or can you let it out? Mine does my head in sometimes so I put him out to get some peace and quiet.

Tackle what you can today then reward yourself with something like a nice hot bath with candles and wine, I have a wooden bath caddy I put my iPad on and watch a film or tv in peace sometimes, I stay in the bath for hours as it’s easier to relax once you are in one place uninterrupted.

No advice about your son and the Lego I’m afraid unless you suggest he builds something different and make it sound like a challenge if this is something he’d go for? If not then just leave him in front of YouTube, it’s not harming him to have extra time on it if he’s content.

You can get through this it’s just a matter of not letting it all overwhelm you. It sounds tough though and I’m not surprised things have got on top of you today, try not to feel guilty you are doing your best and that’s all you can do, you won’t be the only one feeling this way during half term xx

Teacher here and I feel your pain. It's been such a long term that I just want to flop. However I have three kids and all the jobs that have mounted up over the term to tackle. My advice? Let the kids go on screens for a set time and try and get the house back to normal in that time. Then go out for a walk and come back and tackle work jobs. Make them go to bed early tonight and plan something nice for you.

I think the cat is sensing your distress and wants to calm you down. I feel for you and hope you recover over the weekend. Just the mental exhaustion of kids is relentless.

I’m getting my break now and had that cracking feeling where you can’t do it anymore, it’s starting to dissolve. I wish the same for you. Enjoy your weekend 🫶🏻

She's clearly struggling leave the girl alone! No one chooses to find these things hard

Ooof. I feel your pain. Sounds bloody exhausting. No advice really sorry. Just felt your post kick me in the guts and didn’t want to read and run. Hug.