Please talk me down I am going to lose my shit

Sometimes its worth screaming into a pillow. Seriously, you’re a hero for doing all that you do!

Big hugs to all the mums of SEN kids xxxx

Solidarity over here OP.

ASD PDA and EBSA, possibly EDS. We went to York on Wednesay and have gone from thoroughly seeing it as a pleasure to support a wonderful child in ways that they need and having an unlimited understanding to struggling and wanting to scream into a pillow.

The holidays are just brutal.

DS spent all Friday saying I'm soooo hungry, pinkins mom. I've no idea what pinkins are, it was just meltdown after meltdown of me presenting the wrong thing because he wouldn't eat anything that wasn't pinkins even though nobody could work out what they were, and his feet and legs hurt too much to keep standing in the kitchen to help me figure it out. Had less than helpful family stood in earshot going "are you starving love? Is she starving you? Aw" which was probably intended to be a commiseration to DS but just made me feel absolutely awful that he was hungry and there wasn't anything I could offer that he would eat.

Go easy on yourself. You're doing your best. Your best is enough. You can't stop every tear, and you can't please every one all the time. Some days screen time just has to be unlimited to protect your sanity.

I’d just let them laze around if that’s what they want.

I hope you manage to feel better and enjoy your time with your partner, op.

I take my hat off to teachers. I work in a school office and was also an early years TA. I don’t know how teachers stay sane.

Honestly, she might just be too fatigued to bring down plates if she had a busy day yesterday. (I've learned not to try to push it too hard as i have HSD borderline EDS and autism. )

Give yourself a break. You are doing so much and coping with so much.

Yeah, this.

I think you sound amazing.

Agree with all this too!

My SEN child can bring things downstairs of course, but it needs a totally different approach, reminders etc to a non SEN child.

Getting cross or giving strict consequences doesn’t work. Incentives can work (which can often just be consequences re worked - so “you can have x if you do y”, rather than “ you can’t have x if you don’t do y”). If you do consequences they need to be clearly spelled out at a time proximate to the thing you want to happen/ not happen.

Explanations as to why something is important work best with my DS. It was the same for me when I was little! It might seem obvious to an adult but not to a child.

But they’re all different! Because my child can do something it doesn’t mean someone else’s can.

Solidarity OP, ASD and PDA in our house too, and it is just exhausting, even without having to deal with the Muppets who thinks you can fix neuro divergence and mental health problems by "just making them do it"!

Would definitely second the advice to leave them to it for now and go do one or two nice things for yourself.

Go outside

Now just go

SEN plus holidays is just a nightmare. I’m so ready for Monday at this point.

In purely practical terms, if she will only eat alone in her room can you pop an empty washing up bowl in there so she can put the dishes in it?

YouTube is a perfectly acceptable parenting resource!!

Please share your SEN level chart so we can be sure we are calibrating SEN to levels you understand.

Been there. PDA is awful.
Leaving plates in rooms is frustrating but is it really the hill you are going to choose to die on.
They are fed, warm and safe.
The house won't fall down for being a mess.
Give yourself a big hug, have a bath and go do something nice for yourself.
Tomorrow is a new day and hopefully a better one x

Well said.
It must be extremely difficult and hats off to these parents who manage nowadays.
🍀
Just to add about "masking", where I grew up, in the 80s and 90s, (I'm referring to autism, Asperger's etc.), kids had to "mask" constantly, at home or at school.
If anyone fell out of the line, adults would mock, ostracize and ridicule you, some parents would refuse to feed their kids as a punishment and brutal physical stuff would follow in some cases.
I have Asperger's and was "fortunate" enough to be able to perform and just quietly observe.
Former Communist Czechoslovakia.
I just regret that most of these adults are unfortunately dead, without ever getting their comeuppance.
Bastards.

OP, ignore the "SEN is no excuse" people - PDA and EDS is a lot to deal with, especially after a day out yesterday. Look after yourself (especially today)
Do everything you can to ease your burden around the house - a cleaner once a fortnight has been a godsend for me, is there an odd job person advertising on local Facebook groups?
Sending hugs.

In exactly the same boat as you op. Having SEN children can be so overwhelming and exhausting at times. When I feel overwhelmed I tend to put the tv on for the kids and have a quick, warm shower to feel refreshed before prioritising jobs and getting the most important one done. One step at a time. You got this.

There isn’t a level of sen/autism. Thats the equivalent of saying ‘the spectrum is a line from managing fine to severe’. Every person diagnosed with autism is affected differently, and many with what used to be called ‘high functioning autism’ struggle greatly with executive functioning skills, which means anything from washing themselves to simply picking up a cup/plate and bringing it downstairs.

That's not the level of SEN we're discussing here, is it?

Sorry to hear you're dealing with that.

And us sen parents are sick of the ignorance from people like yourself who haven’t got a clue. Not a single one. My child never cognitively developed beyond 18 months/2 years old, hasn’t got a clue what ‘bring down your cup from last night’s bedtime drink’ would mean. Arrested development of the brain isn’t some excuse for laziness, though lack of comprehension is a choice in some evidently (whatever their previous career was).

Yes, this is good advice. That’s what’s helped keep me going. A spray of nice perfume. A cup of a fave herbal tea. Watching a blue tit in the garden. Little ritual routines. Thinking of all the things I’m grateful for when I wake up, rather than my never-ending ‘to do’ list. I usually listen to the radio when in the kitchen (5 live and 6 music), which can really keep me sane and less alone as a lone parent.

Solidarity OP. I would honestly just say fuck it today and let the kids stay on youtube/in their rooms. You won't all get dysentery if you leave the dirty plates for another day. You are staying calm and that in itself is an achievement. You clearly have a lot on your plate so don't beat yourself up. Some days we all just have to take the path of least resistance and just focus on staying calm. Today is one of those days for you and it's absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.

For a minute I thought i posted
Two sen kids one esba (but currently pushing through) house a tip autistic cat 😂

The cat is anxious because you are anxious they are trying to soothe you

Esba and eds is tough as hell but ground rules are plates etc must be down daily or no food is taken upstairs I get it (sometimes at midnight) but I get it down sometimes I offer to help out bringing stuff down as an encouragement

I have enough lego to sink a small ship it's never enough

I get you op (unlike those who believe you can simply ‘make’ ASD/ADHD/PDA kids do anything). I took mine out this morning but in the couple of hours we’ve been home my house looks like a tazmanian devil or five tore through it. My ex also has (undiagnosed but very evident) autism and the reason why I will never live with an adult ever again, but does have them overnight so I get a break. There’s about 4 screens running right now but if it means I can have a coffee in peace so be it. I’ve also bribed them with Maccies tonight if they manage not to send themselves/each other/me utterly round the bend before bath time.

These days are hard for the kids and for us as parents of SEN children. And it’s no help saying ‘better times will come’, we know this will be a lifetime of ups and downs. So don’t beat yourself up about any of it x