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Original poster

Would you let your child lose so another can win?

65 replies

AmberElla1 · 01/11/2024 10:29

Tongue in cheek but a parent has asked if i could let her child win at something because mine has won before. I should add, this is a really small school game so nothing big but i also know that this parent thinks im a soft touch. I like the other child in question so i do feel a bit bad! I also dont want to just force mine to lose on purpose when they clearly want to win.

OP posts:
Redcrayons · 01/11/2024 10:41

ThinWomansBrain · 01/11/2024 10:31

I always had to pass on the pass the parcel if I'd already had a prize :(

That’s the pass the parcel rule though.

Id probably say no, but depends on what the competition is.

mamajong · 01/11/2024 10:41

Nope, not if they're the same age and there's no extenuating circumstances. I don't believe in letting kids win, life isn't like that and we all have different strengths and areas we can excel at, and learning that you cant always win and the art of losing with dignity are life skills imo.

Don't get me wrong, when my 15yo plays sports with my 9yo and friends he naturally handicaps himself to give them a chance or if a child has special needs my kids will be kind and allow extra time but I'd certainly never tell them.to lose because another parent wanted to fix it for their kid. The harsh reality of life is not everyone is a winner and it's our job to teach kids that's OK by modelling the right behaviour,not by just letting them.win.

NuffSaidSam · 01/11/2024 10:41

ThinWomansBrain · 01/11/2024 10:31

I always had to pass on the pass the parcel if I'd already had a prize :(

I think that's quite normal isn't it? We always did it this way too, so everyone had a prize.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 01/11/2024 10:39

One of life's great lessons, putting somebody else first to your own detriment.

TheWonderhorse · 01/11/2024 10:38

Why is she asking you? Is it a parent and child thing?

2dogsandabudgie · 01/11/2024 10:37

ThinWomansBrain · 01/11/2024 10:31

I always had to pass on the pass the parcel if I'd already had a prize :(

I think that's always been the way though in pass the parcel. Usually the adults know who's already had a prize and stop the music accordingly.

Stormyweatheroutthere · 01/11/2024 10:37

Obviously not!!
Ds had a bowling party recently and the organisers asked who I wanted the trophy to go to. Ds or the actual winner of the game. The actual winner of course.. In life why would people strive hard to be the winner for someone to swoop in and take it? Bonkers.. Another sign of an entitled world.. And entitled bloody dc /teens /adults... You can't seriously be pandering to this shit op?

kittykatsupreme · 01/11/2024 10:36

Under no circumstances.

Wolframandhart · 01/11/2024 10:35

ComtesseDeSpair · 01/11/2024 10:33

Depends. If it’s something involving talent or skill or hard work then no: it’s terrible for self-esteem and confidence for children not to have this acknowledged and to see somebody else being recognised when they haven’t actually achieved something (and not great for children falsely awarded as they get older and get out into the real world and begin to realise that life works differently.) If it’s something akin to pass the parcel and having to pass it on if you’ve already had a prize as PP said, involving luck or chance, then less of an issue - but also entirely up to you whether you want to, and nobody should be making DC feel as though they should.

Edited

This. A sport, absolutely fucking not.

pass the parcel is the opposite. If youve already won and dont pass on, yabu.

toomuchfaff · 01/11/2024 10:35

What lesson does this teach your child, or the one who can't win without someone letting them?

I'd say no. I'm not starting that conversation that my child needs to hold themselves back so the ones in the back can keep up.

Sillysausage76 · 01/11/2024 10:35

No I wouldn't. I have 4 dc and all of them have different strengths and weaknesses. Part of growing up is learning you can't be good at everything. The only time I've fixed things is so my child doesn't win at their own parties or if they were very small and we played a game.

2dogsandabudgie · 01/11/2024 10:34

No I wouldn't. I'm all for letting really young children win sometimes, but by the time children are school age they should know that children are good at different things.

Kirstyshine · 01/11/2024 10:34

Surely that’s up to your child? S/he isn’t a puppet!

ComtesseDeSpair · 01/11/2024 10:33

Depends. If it’s something involving talent or skill or hard work then no: it’s terrible for self-esteem and confidence for children not to have this acknowledged and to see somebody else being recognised when they haven’t actually achieved something (and not great for children falsely awarded as they get older and get out into the real world and begin to realise that life works differently.) If it’s something akin to pass the parcel and having to pass it on if you’ve already had a prize as PP said, involving luck or chance, then less of an issue - but also entirely up to you whether you want to, and nobody should be making DC feel as though they should.

ThinWomansBrain · 01/11/2024 10:31

I always had to pass on the pass the parcel if I'd already had a prize :(

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