Would you let your child lose so another can win?

No. There are always people faster, brighter, better looking. Learn this young. If you 'let' this child win (how could you? Surely your child will eventually tell the other one) how will she ever learn? Or they of course will, when the next child/mum doesn't feel the need to lie about things.

Not a chance - fascinated to learn how old the children are?

Don't be ridiculous, it's a child, he doesn't come with an instruction manual.

Not a cat's chance in hell. If my child has put in work and effort, then they should recieve the rewards for it!

I remember as a kid, I'd written a short story and my teacher took me aside. She asked if I'd "let" another child win because they were upset about their ideas. I said fine, but I wasn't happy because I'd put loads of effort in and at age 7 it just feels like a bit of a kick in the teeth. Especially when the other kid was smug afterwards!

At least I was asked though! No way would I make my kids experience that, and I'd absolutely not make the choice for them. Life doesn't work that way, I'm afraid, and I'm not teaching my kids how to be people pleasers.

Some people are good at some things. I'm awful at maths. You wouldn't catch me asking for a fake award in that.

I take responsibility for not undoing any progress they may have made and making matters worse. But yeah, he'll just know your boundaries next time too!

No😂

Yes, but that's his parents' job. I was looking after him for an afternoon, I wasn't responsible for teaching him how to behave. Do you take responsibility for teaching your children's friends?

I agree wholeheartedly with giving praise where it is due, and would show my appreciation of kindness to peers, persistence of sticking with a difficult task, showing enthusiasm etc, but they will soon sniff out hypocrisy.
We had a system where pupils who achieved success outside school could bring their award into school to be presented again in assembly, acknowledging that they had a life outside the school, and talents not recognised there, like excelling at skiing over half-term, growing prize vegetables with grandad or competing in a fencing team, showed that we all had different gifts to offer.
One child brought in the Cub Scout of the Week award he had been awarded, and although everybody applauded politely, you could almost hear the collective intake of breath when it was announced, knowing him as they did.

Im keeping her out of competitions for now - she’s in with 9year olds for her classes but she’s only three! I don’t think she’s emotionally ready even through she’s got the physical ability- trying to keep it fun for her for as long as possible rather than putting any pressure on her. If she wants to get into competitions when she’s a bit older, I’ll absolutely support her.

I agree that star of the week is meant to motivate but - at least when I hear them after class- they definitely seem to treat it as a competition!

Definitely not. Because you'd have to tell your child to do it and they almost certainly would tell someone - because children really can't keep a secret.

You child should not have to suffer/do worse than she is capable of because another parent is unable to parent her child properly - even a young child needs to learn life isn't fair, others will not do worse so you can succeed and that everyone has their 'niche' and they must find theirs.

Absolutely not. The best performance should win. You will wreck your child's self esteem if you somehow make them lose so a less talented kid can 'win'. Kids are not stupid. They know who is the best at different things. Kids usually accept it. It's the parents who can't cope with their kid not winning.

They can be far more perceptive than adults give them credit for.

At the same time 'everyone will get it' can be a good thing if used to genuinely reward what kids have done off their own backs. Or maybe, 'almost' everyone will get it. Things like looking out for a classmate, etc.

Forcing the absolute 'everyone' , including making up a frivolous reasons for kids who are aggressive, disruptive etc and don't do anything good will have the opposite effect.

I would say no OP.

Pass the parcel and star or the week are an exception to this!

Well that's totally fair enough surely the whole point iof pass the parcel is that parents sort it out so that everyone gets a go and that lucky/grabby/annoying kid that won't let go of the parcel quickly doesn't get loads.

Not a chance!

How old is your DC? If they are old enough to be competing academically, the chances are their peer group have a fairly pragmatic idea of how their classmates compare, be it best runner, strongest, quickest at mental arithmetic etc., and if a result is "fixed" they will express their cynicism, probably more bluntly than an adult would.
Not quite the same thing, but we had a "Star of the Week" system imposed from on high, with the edict that everybody would get it eventually. The first few recipients were thrilled, but as it became apparent that everyone would get it in the end regardless, it was rebranded "The Right Number of Legs Prize" .
If you are of my vintage, you might remember Grabber in the Nigel Molesworth books, winner of everything including the Mrs Joyful Prize for Raffia Work; kids can spot a fiddle a mile off.

Little rewards like 'star of the week' are meant to motivate. But also there's nothing for a child to deliberately lose. The onus is on the decision makers to award it fairly.

Different from a real competition. Meant to reward the best. If your daughter is indeed as talented as you say surely she'll be participating in these and scooping all the medals/awards.

What's certain is that a child shouldn't be told to lose deliberately. Life isn't fair. Parents should be teaching their kids to accept that.

No the other parent is being ridiculous to even ask.

No in this situation.

I was constantly told by my bully in high school, why did I always have to come top in tests and why couldn't I let someone else. I came top because I worked hard and I revised, they didn't.

This is a very good point.

Your child shouldn't have to hold themselves back to give someone else a boost, but also a competition with a foregone conclusion isn't really a competition.

I wouldn't single out less academically capable children as particularly having it hard though. If you know you're not in the running for a competition then it's largely irrelevant to you. If you're consistently second best then that is hard in a different way and can lead to a distorted view of your abilities. It's generally not good in the long run to win too often either - it makes it harder to celebrate each win and can lead to perfectionist traits.

Is it possible to suggest a different criteria for the competition which would enable a wider pool of potential winners? It's hard to suggest criteria without knowing the format/content of the competition.

Could the other child win if they tried harder or is there a lot of skill involved?

If it's based on merit or hard work then no. If it's pass the parcel or a tombala I probably would want my child ti pass it on. However if it happens in school then I'd let them deal with it.

The school shouldn't be constantly having academic competitions which some children presumably stand no chance of winning unless others let them. It would be nice if you, as the parent of a winner, could point out to them that this is really hard on the less academically capable children. You might even mention, without naming names, that you know of such a child. It might be more palatable coming from you than from the other mum.

That’s a good way of expressing it.

It’s not really something you can control.
I’d just be making sure my child wasn’t being boastful or mean about their wins. Making sure they understand that they’re not going be amazing at everything and that they need to recognise any natural advantages they have over others. That’s not to demean all their hard work or commitment.
My Dd is naturally talented at sport, she is built for it and her competitive persona and pretty quick brain means that among her peers she excels.
She does train hard and earns her wins.
BUT her sister could put in just as much effort and she’ll still never achieve in the same way.
DD2 needs to recognise that sometimes.