To ask what’s been your biggest failure in life, and what (if anything) you learned from it?

Hahaha I would immediately have wanted to be your mate for doing that.

My biggest failure was relationships. I was one of those people who was so worried about being alone that I went from relationship to relationship, hanging onto crap relationships trying to make them work. Such a waste of time and energy.

I learnt that I can be happy on my own. In fact happier than I have been in most of my relationships! I thought growing old alone was to be avoided at all costs. But now I love my single life and wouldn't want to change it.

@LizzieBowesLyon sorry but that woman doing the fist bump was not cool at all. It's a yoof thing.

I think you were really cool in the way responded. I'd have laughed like a drain.

Because she wasn't cool at all and trying to be.

I was a teacher for only two years before I left to have a baby and never went back. It was extremely stressful and took over my whole life. I know I wasn't doing it for long but I really did try to make it work. It just felt as though nothing I ever did was good enough.

I've learned that some things are just not for me and that's okay. Before I was of the mindset that I could make a success of anything if I tried hard enough and never gave up. I never used to give up on anything. But I tried harder than I ever have before with teaching and it just made me miserable. Sometimes you have to give up on things that just aren't working.

I’m not cool. I was at a party and a lady tried to do what I now realise was her half of a fist bump but I didn’t know and die reasons I can’t explain, thought we were suddenly playing Scissors Paper Rock (why? Why?) so I sort of thought “oh paper” and wrapped my hand over her knuckles and then sat in silence. It was awful, and I we were both confused. I laughed it off but really I wanted to go home. I am 53. I think of this ALL the time.

I failed at romantic relationships - I have had three five year ones that I ended, all because I saw the problems and chose not to act on them.

First one - he was a knob and I lost respect for him. I knew that right at the start but didn't want to end it. Five year later I ended it.

Second one - mean personality and sexual problems. Sexual problems were evident early - I thought it would get better, it did not. When I ended it I didn't even like him as a person.

Last one - had serious debt and just could NOT manage his income. I thought I could help him, which I did, but he was never out of debt and his attitude to money was 'I want it, I'll pay the higher interest rate for people with debt problems.' That said a lot to me. Should've realised it when he first told me how much debt he had.

What I learned -

Stay lighter on my feet emotionally - I might need to leave.
Take things I see seriously - crap sex? Debt? Rolling me eyes at him? That's how things are going to be.

When the last one ended, I thought to myself 'I caused this. I knew it but didn't act on it. I HAVE to get it right this time. I can't waste my time and their time when I know something isn't right. I wouldn't play the wrong note knowingly (I'm a musician) - why do I tolerate men who are not right for me??'

I also used to try and help men become better - no way now. I learned that if the shoes don't fit, don't buy them.

Me too ! I accepted this in my early thirties .

Marrying a boring taker who fleeced his ex wife and tried it with me. I have my child from that marriage but my God why did I walk down that ailse ?

Messing up the best relationship I ever had. The lesson is: if I get lucky with an amazing relationship again, never to take it for granted and really listen and take action when someone is telling me that I'm damaging the relationship.

I was a University researcher, and had pinned my hopes on getting a lectureship in the university I was working in - for career stability, and being able to remain in the area I lived with my DH. Aced the interview, but didn't get the job. I was so disappointed, I felt my career had gone completely wrong and I had no hope.

I had to take a demotion and work on a few short-term contracts in areas which were a bit different to what I was used to, and apply for anything and everything all over the country (still in academia - lectureships etc).

Eventually something came up in the civil service, much closer to mine and DH's families, which I didn't think I'd get. I applied and was offered a job. 8 years on, I'm still there with no regret. DH had to move jobs, which was very difficult, but it feels very worthwhile now.

What I learnt - the idea you have in your head of what your career will look like might not be right. Taking a different path to the one you wanted can be just as interesting and fulfilling. And follow your interests....if it sounds interesting, give it a go!

Spending my life trying to make my parents love me. They don't, and when I finally accepted that I was able to move on and have a meaningful and happy life.

I turned down a place in the Navy and ended up working in the NHS, I managed six years and hated it as it was so badly run even back then in the late 1980’s very early 1990’s. The good thing though my registration is decades out of date and medicine has moved on is I know more than the average person. When DH knocked himself out in May this year in A&E because of questions I asked the Dr and nurse assumed I was a nurse. I did tell them many moons had passed since I had been in surgery. But it’s handy knowing a lot of the lingo.

Not seeing though a close friend for what she was. DS always disliked her and as a small child was vocal about it. When friend and I broke up for want of a better term two other friends who had met her expressed how much they also didn’t like her. I wasted a lot of time on that woman, DH did DIY for her and we became close when I assisted her through an awful break up. She spent many years single. As soon as she was settled that was it. What a consummate user she was.

Mine all started with not revising properly for my A levels so not doing the degree I wanted. Then I left college for a boyfriend who soon dumped me. Then I married the first man who came along , not a terrible idea because we are still married, and then found out her was a bit workshy.

Then resigning from a good job because I wanted them to say don't go. They didn't.

Actually my life has been a series of disasters.

However I'm currently snuggled up under a fleece watch films with my youngest grandson. Who I gave chocolate cake for breakfast.

My entire life has been one big failure pretty much. I can't cope with any kind of pressure or responsibility, have been abused and bullied, and am now desperately unwell.
But hey, I did my best. Lol 🤣

Its so embarassing I cant even talk about it anon. Have tried to fix it but its unfixable I think ( not a crime or anything like that).
What I have learned: fix things that are wrong immediately
learn to say sorry
seek help

Parenting. I would have done many things differently, hopefully with a better outcome. Now they're in their 20s and it's too late. Can't say I've learned much except that what's done is done. Still feel regret most days.
Surprised there are no similar posts so far. I must be the only one!

Thinking, believing what I was told, that ex wanted the same as me. Planning a life without having absolute rock solid concrete proof.

So I'm a single mum and have been for 14 years. I've done a reasonable job, ds is a happy, healthy, secure, well-provided-for teen. But I don't know if I will ever have a meaningful intimate relationship.

Doing a degree I didn't want to do. Hated it. Did badly.

What I've learned?
DD is not doing a degree straight out of school, she is doing a college course she likes. She is waiting until she is ready to go and knows more about what she wants to do.

Simply not believing in myself. That I couldn't possibly have a career. That I couldn't possibly manage as a single woman.

Wasted so much time and now it's really hard. I have a BA and an MSc and a PGDip and I still don't think I am worthy of a career.

I haven't "commited" any major failure yet at 45.
However, thinking about it, extremely difficult start in life due to where I come from and emotionally abusive parents.
It was hard work, but worth being where I am now.
🍀

I think the only element of “failure” here is allowing it to keep defining you. Improve that self confidence, separate who you are now with all your life experience, hindsight, and sense from the teenager you used to be. You’re far more than a couple of years right at the start of your adult life.

I pissed about for almost the entirety of my degree. Attended virtually no lectures, did the bare minimum of work, came out with a 2:2. But I’ve never let the daft behaviour of my teenage self define who I am now. I apply for promotions against people far more educationally qualified than I am - and get them. Once you reframe the situation and can explain why your educational background isn’t as stellar as it could be, and turn it around into understanding what you learned from it and what’s motivated and driven you since, you realise how many people actually have an awful lot of respect and admiration for that.

I really think I could have been on the west end or similar if my parents had been more on the ball. Training for that starts long before my potential was discovered, eg I started dance, which I was good at, at 16, and piano at the same time, which I am learning properly now in my 30s and I’m good at.

My parents did take me to some theatre college auditions but it was mortifying as I didn’t understand a lot of the basics (eg ballet, which I wasn’t allowed to do growing up as my sister did it and I wasn’t allowed to copy her).

Likewise I should have at least gone to uni if not a theatre college, but I didn’t have a clue what I wanted to do and wasn’t guided at all unfortunately. My parents were ‘we’ll support you whatever path you choose’ which is nice and good, but I needed some guidance too.

So, the lesson is, I will be better at guiding my children and following their passions.

I dropped out of Uni. I was NC with my family so all alone and working 2 jobs to pay my bills 9and keep up with everyone else partying and buying clothes etc)and just didnt prioritise Uni work. I didn't have anyone to give me guidance.

Now there are lots of jobs I would love to apply for but they all say degree required (and not professional jobs like lawyer or anything). I've worked my way up in my current company but to even go sideways into the same role in another company I would be competing with people who do have a degree and I don't have the self confidence to apply.

I did really well in school because it was all memory/rote learning. Looking back there was things I didn’t understand but most of the stuff you could simply learn paragraphs off by heart and do well in exams (I wasn’t good at maths though).

I floundered massively when I went to uni and skipped so many classes over the 4 years. I was so panicked about not understanding things that I just avoided it all. I got C’s and D’s a lot which I was definitely not used to, struggled a lot with ‘discussion’ tutorials and having to learn/understand new material, ended up failing 2 modules in fourth year and couldn’t graduate with everyone.

A few years later after reflecting on it all I have learned to ask for help and to say when I don’t understand something. I still struggle at work when people want new thoughts and solutions, I’m not an ‘ideas’ person but prefer menial and repetitive tasks with rules and instructions. I don’t pick things up quickly or come up with new solutions, but I’ve come to terms with it 🤣 after a lot of failed jobs I’m now happily working in civil service, admin type of role.

Not looking after my health and fitness when I was younger and letting my weight creep up to obesity levels. I’ve sorted it out now but it’s much harder to lose weight and get fit in your 30s and 40s than to just never get yourself in that position in the first place.

I also should’ve taken the hit to my career and had children earlier. I was pushing 38 when DD was born and (a) I’m knackered 😂 and (b) it left no time to have more - a second pregnancy didn’t work out and by then we decided we were just too old.