To ask what’s been your biggest failure in life, and what (if anything) you learned from it?

I did something pretty bad at work. It was a sackable offence but I was allowed to resign. Even so, it meant moving on was difficult to say the least: it was obvious something had been amiss and it took me five years to get back to where I’d been career wise and in that time there was a lot of pain and heartache. My dad died the week after I lost my job and I’m pretty sure the stress caused it. I’ll never totally forgive myself.

I married a man I got together with as a child. Now 40 and I don't think he particularly likes me, loves and cares for me in the most part but there's little joy.

How so? Would you like to tell us how?

I've made loads of mistakes but they've all been rectifiable or led me somewhere else etc. Other than getting pregnant by a man who became abusive. Even though I left with baby, it had a devastating impact initially and shaped the whole next 18 years in some way as I am tied by a court order (court order worth its weight in gold).

I have told my DC the decision who to have a child with is one of the most important of your life. I learnt loads of other things along the way out and through, including finding mumsnet. But if it was one thing thAt would be it.

I wish I'd realised earlier on that my moods and behaviour weren't 'just me' but could have been at least tempered by getting into relaxation, meditation, CBT and so on. I definitely failed to be the parent I wanted to be at times, but I don't beat myself up too badly now, just have wistful thoughts that I could have been a little better.

Getting into Debt. Over and over again. And no, i've never learned.

Moving back to Cornwall (the land of no opportunity)

Include me in the list of ppl wanting to be your friend.

I think you sound great. You would be in my non cool friendship group. Honestly, there's loads of excellent non cool funny people.

Not realising my self worth. Being a people pleaser both in my family and at work. I've been massively used in my life because I had no confidence in my own abilities. I have a total lack of self esteem which still haunts me.

I've put various members of my family 's needs ahead of mine meaning I don't really have a home to call my own. My work colleagues have used my work to enhance their businesses. But I'm completely at fault, I let them.

May I ask why if you feel comfortable to share? A close friend of mine is considering this.

I would have been absolutely delighted, joined in enthusiastically and instantly wanted to be your best friend.

Weight loss surgery, ruined my life.

I should have continued focusing on my master instead of letting my missed miscarriage and subsequent inability to get pregnant again take centre stage. I really wish that I had focused those years on my studies as all that worrying and sadness was never going to help me get pregnant... Feels like wasted time. I ended up having to finish my master sleep deprived in COVID lockdown with a baby. It kind of crushed my future career plans.

getting married, twice

learnt i don't want to get married a third time lol

and a lady tried to do what I now realise was her half of a fist bump

^

Oh god that'd be me

I hate the whole high five thing

Awkward!

I had absolutely zero guidance at school. Careers advice didn't really exist. Well, it did, there was a room with leaflets in it.

If I'd have had some guidance I would have had an actual career. I'd have been a great doctor for example.

This was also compounded by the fact that I went to a totally crap school where you were basically a loser/bullied/beat up if you were intellectual/interested in school.

You sound brilliant- I think you’re cool!

This is my biggest regret also. Not taking care of my body and thinking I would be young and pretty with a fast metabolism forever so I could ruin it with fast food and no exercise for years has come back to haunt me in a massive way from my mid-thirties onwards. I’m finding it almost impossible to get even a slither of my figure back.

I guess my marriage! But at least I’m proud of having got out of it and divorced him.

So from that I learned - don’t settle for something you don’t really want just because you don’t think the ideal is out there.

@Anonymum263 you're not the only one.
A difficult conversation last night with my youngest made me realise how my decisions have affected them more than I thought. It's so difficult isn't it as I always made the decisions I thought best for them but in hindsight I should definitely have done some things differently 😞

Don’t think I’ve had any massive failures tbh (no massive success either mind)

@Muthaofcats Me too!

@LizzieBowesLyon if it's any consolation, I think that that's utterly brilliant and is exactly the sort of thing I would do. If you'd done that to me I would have joined you in laughing. I don't see that as a failure, for what it's worth. I see it as a brilliant character trait. I once went to a party where I got into conversation with a man about Bjork. Well, I thought he said Bjork. It took me a while of my husband nudging me and muttering 'THE ORB' at me until I worked out why the man was so confused about why I kept asking him if he liked The Orb when she was with The Sugarcubes. You are not alone! 😀

@malificent7 surely it's a huge achievement for you to have left him? I think that you have been extremely harsh on yourself.