To just not wish to reply when cancelled on?

Unfortunately I've had this a lot with a friend of mine and in the end I distanced myself as it was becoming upsetting for me. Sometimes friendships fizzle out and you just have to let them go for your own sanity.

I'm really glad you haven't responded. You're worth better than the way she is treating you!

Unfortunately, I have a strong feeling that in the next week or two she'll contact you (because she won't like you 'ignoring' her...) Then she'll try and make another date for you to meet, which you will probably say 'OK then' to. (I would do, and have done!)

Then she may turn up, but if she does - she'll cancel on you next time. She is keeping you where you belong (in her eyes.) At her beck and call, and there to see you when she can be arsed.

I know this for a fact because I've got a friend that does this to me!

I've known her for 35 years. We go back a long way ... And just like your friend, she's always got some drama going on. With one of her four children, or one of her 3 siblings, or one of her 10 nieces and nephews, or a problem at work, or with her husband ... ALWAYS something wrong in her life! ALWAYS a drama, and sooo many cancelled meet-ups with me!

I would say she cancels roughly two out of three meetings of ours - and we have to rearrange it again ... Also, I'm always the one to get in touch with her. Because when we leave each other after a coffee or a pub lunch, she always says 'you contact me next, as you know what I'm like.... I am always sooooo busy...' Basically a copout to stop her having to be arsed to contact me.

I got sick of it - so over this past year and a half, I stopped getting in touch first. Actually, I secretly hoped she wouldn't bother contacting me again. But after a few months, she messages and says 'let's meet up!' and we arrange a date, and she often cancels. Then 2-3 weeks later she messages and says 'let's meet, how about next Friday?!'

Every time I try to ghost her, she just gets in touch after one and a half to two months and says 'let's do lunch!' I'm finding it really, really hard to break free! I'm so weak. She brings nothing to my life! I wish I could properly ghost her. Doesn't help that we know a few of the same people. She - and they do live 12-15 miles from me though, so I wouldn't see them often, but I do go to that town 2-3 times a month so may bump into one of them - or her!

I'm sick to death of her . Lets me down every five minutes. Rearranging stuff and cancelling, and her constant life dramas. I just wish I could ghost her completely but I can't seem to do it. It's really hard. You have my sympathy.

It's for everyone to decide for themself what to do for the best but personally I wouldn't make a liar of myself by giving a made up "random excuse", saying you've only just seen this or be passive aggressive. It really doesn't help in my experience. What I would say is, if the "friend" is gossiping about others, she is probably gossiping about the OP. I used to have an acquaintance who did that and manipulated people's opinions. Because I am pretty straightforward, it took me a while to understand what she was doing. She is not a part of my life any more and never will be

Maybe message her in a couple of days with something along the lines of 'Oh, only just seen this, I'd forgotten we were meeting up. Had [random excuse] come up and forgot all about it. See you around.'

And let it go. Unless she can already see you've read it.

But I did like the idea of the poll. That is beautifully passive aggresive. 😁

Yeah, this. Let her know next time she tries to make plans that you're not going to, as she always ends up cancelling on you.

Oh I have a friend who does this every time. I think it’s because she only really likes to go on drunken nights out and usually that’s not what we arrange. The most annoying thing is that I then won’t hear from her for a while until she messages me saying “hello stranger” as if I’M the one who’s flakey!! 😂

Good for you reflecting on the situation and deciding what was best to do. Maybe archive the person on Whatsapp now? I did this with former colleagues who'd drifted away and then probs around a year later when I was in reorganisation mode I deleted them from my Contacts. You don't have to wait a year if you don't want to

Aye ok then is a pretty good reply and "oh right" or "right oh" would also maybe work. It depends what you'd be comfortable saying which acknowledges the cancellation and leaves it at that. Some people unfortunately drift out our lives. I found this happened during covid with a few people, mostly colleagues I'd worked with for many years and considered friends (and I worked in a key worker industry so there was still contact at work). I was sad but I've since come to the conclusion the friendships had just run their natural course. I don't wish ill on them but, after I experienced ill health, I decided life's too short to flog a dead horse with people who've drifted off out of my life. I wish you well

Could it be possible that your friend doesn't want to hang out one-on-one and just kept trying to find excuses hoping you'd just get the hint and move on?

Remove her from your contact list and move on. She isn't worth the arro.

If its always cancelling then just leave it no more plans. If emergency or kids sick thats fine

I wouldn't reply. Leave her on read. Might make her have a rethink.

I'd probably block them because it's a pattern of behaviour rather than a one-off and may be quite revealing as to friend thinks of the OP. So if I decided I didn't want to continue the friendship and felt quite hurt by the way I'd been (repeatedly) treated, then quietly removing them from the socials so I don't have to see their comings and goings seems like the way forward. Blocking simply means they won't be able to send new friend requests.

Fair enough if you think that's an over reaction. YMMV.

It's not ok to waste your time, it can't be a true emergency everytime not one that can't wait a few hours after she's seen you. It's quite sad that people like this try these excuses, when it's so obvious she's double booked herself or prefers meeting them over you.
I had a friend like this and I just never arranged for meet her again.

I don't feel a priority to this person anymore.

Send one more message saying this. And end it with ‘I think it’s best if we part ways’.

I think the thing that is really adding ‘insult to injury’ is that you are kind of expected believe and buy into her excuses and message back being all sympathetic to her problems, when you are the one let down.

Take them off the bloody pedestal then. If she's a "social butterfly" then you know for sure she is managing to meet up with others and her excuses are BS and its only you she is flaking on- that makes her insincere and a liar.

This person really isnt as wonderful as you seem to be painting them out to be. She sounds like a twat TBH

It's a shame when genuine people get let down like this and have no other option but to give up and eventually get fed up. Then so many wonder why they end up lonely. This person clearly doesn't want to meet up and had plenty of chances. They might find out how that feels one day.

I just asked chat gpt what Dolly Parton would advise you to do and its this:

Dolly Parton is known for her wisdom, positivity, and strong sense of self-worth. While she hasn’t addressed this specific scenario, we can draw from her general outlook on life and relationships. Here are some potential pieces of advice inspired by her philosophy:

1. *Value Yourself*: Dolly often emphasizes the importance of self-worth. She might encourage you to recognize your value and not settle for friendships where you feel undervalued or neglected.

1. *Communicate Openly*: She believes in being direct yet kind. Dolly might suggest that you express your feelings to your friend, letting her know how her repeated cancellations affect you.

1. *Prioritize Positivity*: Dolly has a knack for spreading joy and positivity. She might advise focusing on relationships that uplift you and bring happiness into your life, rather than those that cause frustration.

1. *Embrace Change*: Life is full of changes, and Dolly often talks about adapting to them. She might remind you that it's okay to let go of relationships that no longer serve you, allowing space for new, more fulfilling connections.

1. *Be Compassionate but Assertive*: While she promotes compassion, Dolly would also likely encourage you to set boundaries. You can empathize with your friend’s struggles but also stand firm in your own needs.

In the spirit of Dolly’s wisdom, remember that it’s perfectly acceptable to prioritize your well-being and seek relationships that reciprocate your care and attention.

I would say thanks for letting me know. And leave it.

Don't rearrange and if she tries to just say I'm really busy at minute.