Trick or Treat - AIBU

I moved to a much larger city, but in my small town in California, people went to houses where the outside lights - or porch lights - were on.
Off meant either they were out of treats or they weren’t participating.
What infuriated me was people bringing carloads of kids into town from other towns and hitting neighborhoods they thought would hand out “the good stuff.” After that, they’d move on to another neighborhood and another — very selfish and grabby and inappropriate on the parents’ part.

Me and my kids LOVE Halloween- we decorate our house, get loads of sweets in, get epic costumes. We live in an area that goes all out for Halloween. Every single kid (& there’s genuinely hundreds) knows you only knock if there’s decorations. End of. You are not being unreasonable. And it warms my heart seeing the kids understanding that one person’s heaven is another’s hell! I’m sorry you’ve been bothered tonight xxxx

On Halloween it does and everyone in the area knows that. If there's no decorations but a porch light or big hall light that comes through the front doot on its fine, if decorations are out it's fine. If there are lights in the house but there isn't a light on at the front door then no.

So how has my story changed?

I do think Americans have a unique super energy when it comes to celebrating holidays, I wish I had the energy, I'm a bit envious of it 😂

Of course not. Not all lights are visible from the front of the house.

How is it different? We have the hall light on all the time once it gets dark. It doesn't indicate anything.

Lit pumpkin is the rule in my area. I give lots out and have just escorted DC and friends. There are plenty enough no one goes near those without pumpkins.

In my area we know a lot of neighbours, it’s very much a take ONE rule and don’t be greedy. You’ll still get loads. Be respectful, comment on the decoration, have made some effort with dressing up.

What? If you don’t want people calling you have to sit the evening out in the dark?

Where has my story changed exactly? A kitchen light is completely different to a hall or porch light lighting up a front door!

In the States, you could knock on anyone’s door, but you knew the ones who went all out with decorations gave the best swag, so you went for those houses. Not really etiquette but self interest! 😀

That’s definitely the rule here, I had a lit pumpkin out and had lots of trick or treaters knocking but then ran out of sweets so put the decorations away and although there were still plenty of kids out they didn’t come to the door. I did later have one loud knock at about 9pm which I ignored but from the sound of them think that was teens messing about rather than genuine trick or treaters.

I’m not a big Halloween person so absolutely refuse to decorate the house for it, but we do have sweets in for trick or treaters just in case. We don’t get very many though, I think the kids stay within the bigger estates nearby instead of coming down to my small cul de sac.

I always tell mine we only go to houses that have the decorations up so as not to bother people. I love Halloween but I can only imagine how annoying it must be for people not wanting to be involved for a number of reasons. I also always tell him to say, ‘thank you house’ out loud where they’ve just left a bucket outside (and to only take one!) 😂

I’ve seen some lovely children and families tonight but also such entitlement! One huge crowd swarming at the door, knocking into all the decorations rather than wait their turn and not even saying a word of thanks whilst the parents leave them to it. Or grabbing fistfuls of sweets to load into a carrier bag, right at the start of the night with no thought for others who’d be coming all night.

Another younger chap brought his son, told him to say thank you, the child didn’t so the dad just awkwardly steered him away without saying thanks himself. I think a lot of the problem is parents are unwilling to teach their children basic manners and respect from a young age.

My DH said there was children banging on our door while he reversed into the driveway coming home from work, the whole house was in darkness and they could clearly see him just arriving home! Even worse, there was parents with them. We turned our lights out and stayed at the back of the house but still got a couple knocks which was annoying but no harm done.

Fortunately round here the rule seems to be respected (I'd be ignoring any knocks if they tried). It helps I think we are on a cul de sac and the main road leading to it had lots of decorated houses so plenty of cannon fodder without having to come all the way into the cul de sac

I was never allowed trick or treating as my mum said it was begging and also goes against the telling children not to speak to strangers so I'm very bah humbug about it 😂

I no longer participate. I did when my dcs were young and we only went to nearby houses where we knew everyone.

I live elsewhere now. I made a point of going to a class at my gym though to escape all the knocking.
I don’t answer the door to strangers at night. I have a ring door bell so I can see if it’s anyone I know.

We have elderly neighbours. They all love the kids calling. I don't think there is anyone in the neighbourhood who lives on their own who would struggle to answer. There are a few houses with people who are not originally from Ireland. I was speaking to one recently who has recently moved here and she's really excited about the prospect of Halloween.

If you don't want people calling, you just don't turn the lights on. It's not a problem.

100% agree.

Only made me question (for a second) earlier when a lady posted on the housing estates social media page that she had no decorations outside but had treats for kids if they wanted to knock and gave her house number. Obvs only a handful of people would have seen it and she likely wouldn't have had any / many visitors.

That's what I do, but it is a fairly recent thing tbh, it's only been the last few years that so many houses now decorated and know that rule, and every year I see posts from people who are sad that nobody knocked and they had bought sweets, and they said they didn't know they were supposed to leave a sign like a pumpkin or lights.

Fair enough, then - I don't know about the customs and culture around Hallowe'en in Ireland and wouldn't presume to do so!

I would guess that you probably still do have elderly, disabled and/or vulnerable people who can't/don't want to answer the door after dark - as well as owners of frightened animals and those of faiths that don't celebrate Hallowe'en, though?

Presumably they're just forced to put up with it? I know they could put up signs - but if it's such a mainstay of your culture, would they and their wishes be respected?

I certainly wouldn't want to be advertising on the door that elderly, disabled or potentially vulnerable people live there - you never know who might see it and later take advantage.

Agree. Would never ever let my little kids knock on a door that hasn’t made it clear that they are welcome to do so. Even though I am right behind them

You're changing your story now. Suddenly it's OK to knock on doors if the hall light is on rather than only ok to knock if there are decorations up. Obviously, no lights on suggests nobody is home and kids wouldn't knock then.

They should know better. My children know they are only to knock on doors with pumpkins/decs outside.

@HootyMcBooby I have lovely memories of my last guising year, aged 11. Knowing it was going to be our last, 4 of us decided to join forces and we rehearsed a song we'd learned at school the previous year. We gave it our all, and it went down really well.

Because it sets a precedent that any door is ok to knock on and it's not, especially when you live in an area that has lots of kids. Mine were always taught that only knock on houses with decorations or who had a light clearly on in the front hall or porch, so that the front door was lit up, indicating it was OK to knock.