Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to flash my hazards for "thank you" or is it actually rude 😬

85 replies

Newusernameforthiss · 31/10/2024 16:51

I learnt to drive very late (mid 30s) and I'm pretty nervous/cautious. I live in London, where the average standard of driving is terrifying and you have to be super aggressive to get in and out of gaps etc.

I have learnt to flash my headlights, and that this means "go ahead" if you're waiting by a line of parked cars or "go on your turn" at a junction. Or even just a pass-agg "I'm here" if honking would be a bit much.

When I let people in ahead of me in a queue/merging, they often flash their hazards once at me, so I took it to mean "thank you" so I do it too now.

When I drive outside of London, I do "thank you hazards" and people put their headlights on full or honk at me 😬😬😬 is it rude outside the M25? Is it rude everywhere??? And I've completely misinterpreted it? This stuff is a nightmare. I've only just got into the groove of remembering to bring biscuits every time I go on a playdate for the children. Obviously my first priority is driving safely but I hate there's some kind of etiquette code I have no idea about???

YABU - flashing you hazard lights is rude
YANBU - thank you hazards are a thing

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Duckdown · 31/10/2024 21:13

I've only read @Newusernameforthiss posts. But to address your question, here in Ireland we use our hazards to say thanks and if the car behind responds by flashing main beams it's taken as saying "you're welcome " So that's possibly what is happening with you?! I like it. I've never had anyone honk their horn though.

TorroFerney · 31/10/2024 20:33

User19876536484 · 31/10/2024 18:02

Are you really half blinded by hazard lights? They aren’t normally that bright.

Show quote history

I think people are getting confused with hazard lights and the thanks you do with headlights. Hazards are for when people have let you out in front so you are showing them your back lights, if you are letting someone out in front you flash your headlights or just stop and wave if daylight and they are close enough to see you.

Original poster
Newusernameforthiss · 31/10/2024 20:30

Vitriolinsanity · 31/10/2024 18:37

Ask yourself this. If you're flashed to pull across traffics and don't see a cyclist or motorcycle do you think the flashing driver will say "yes, I let them go"? Do you imagine your insurance will uphold any claim? Do you think if someone flashes you out and changes their mind and t-bones you is going to say "yeah my fault"?

The only person that should decide if you go is you.

All this "polite" light flashing gets on my last nerve. And that's nothing compared to the persistent flashing of drivers whose "polite" advice you've declined.

This is actually a great point, thank you

OP posts:
HiCandles · 31/10/2024 20:29

Where I learnt to drive in Hampshire as a teenager it wasn't a thing, and my parents never did it, but when I met my husband from Norfolk he taught me it. His father is a HGV driver so presumably that's where he got it from. I've seen it a few times where I am in west Sussex now, and I do it occasionally. But I suspect my parents continue to be unaware!

Original poster
Newusernameforthiss · 31/10/2024 20:28

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 31/10/2024 19:32

I use the indicators, left hand one for dots, and right hand ones for dashes, and I send out thank you messages and such like in morse code.
It's a bit time consuming but now I have printed out all the morse code translations and sellotape them to my steering wheel I'm getting quite good at it.
I just have to be careful if I turn a sharp corner as the translations then appear upside down, which is confusing.
I've already had a retired Major remonstrate with me over an unintended slur. 😳

Ahahahahaha you win, dot dot dash, not dot dot crash

OP posts:
Original poster
Newusernameforthiss · 31/10/2024 20:26

Yeah I think you might have solved the mystery 😂😂 I definitely have an appalling habit of getting stuck quite far out to work when to go, going in a tiny gap, then guiltily giving the old thank you hazards basically as an apology so I wouldn't blame anyone for honking me. I am getting better tho! I hardly ever do it now!!

OP posts:
JT69 · 31/10/2024 20:18

senua · 31/10/2024 16:56

You normally only flash hazards if the person you are thanking is behind you e.g. they let you into a line of traffic.

Only yesterday someone thanked me/ apologised by flashing hazard lights as they cut me up off a roundabout. I appreciated it and felt less cross about it .

PuppyMonkey · 31/10/2024 20:13

I think flashing headlights is far too open to interpretation. I used to be a local news reporter and remember attending an inquest of a couple who were killed in their car when they headed out of a road straight into the path of a lorry. Witnesses said the lorry was flashing them and the coroner suspected they had thought the lorry driver was saying “you go ahead.”

Tel12 · 31/10/2024 20:05

While you may know what your flashing means the other driver may not. I was turning right and the oncoming driver flashed me. Seriously we nearly had a head on as I found out I'd accidentally knocked the main beam on. I thought was flashing to go on but he was flashing to tell me about the beam which was probably blinding.

Edingril · 31/10/2024 19:59

It's illegal I think

User19876536484 · 31/10/2024 19:59

JewelTheft · 31/10/2024 19:56

Not rude, but blinding with new style headlights. When it happens to me, the glare is so strong it takes a couple of seconds for my eyes to recover, so dangerous at night.

Perhaps read the thread title again.

JewelTheft · 31/10/2024 19:56

Not rude, but blinding with new style headlights. When it happens to me, the glare is so strong it takes a couple of seconds for my eyes to recover, so dangerous at night.

MarginalNotes · 31/10/2024 19:33

I'm surprised noone has yet mentioned thanks signified by 'the Yorkshire wave'.

A brief raise of the index finger from the steering wheel by the driver of the other vehicle as you pause to let them pass.

My kids said they both felt like proper drivers the first time they used this.

amusedbush · 31/10/2024 19:33

Around here (Glasgow and surrounding areas), a quick double flash of full beams definitely means ‘go ahead’. I see it pretty much every day.

I’ll also do it to say thanks if it’s dark and the other driver won’t see me raise my hand.

And using hazards to say thanks if someone lets you in is standard here, too.

itsgettingweird · 31/10/2024 19:32

Hazzard flashing cars behind to say thankyou is the norm here!

The buses always do it too when people stop and wait for them to pull out of a bus stop when indicating.

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 31/10/2024 19:32

I use the indicators, left hand one for dots, and right hand ones for dashes, and I send out thank you messages and such like in morse code.
It's a bit time consuming but now I have printed out all the morse code translations and sellotape them to my steering wheel I'm getting quite good at it.
I just have to be careful if I turn a sharp corner as the translations then appear upside down, which is confusing.
I've already had a retired Major remonstrate with me over an unintended slur. 😳

LenaMelena · 31/10/2024 19:23

I lived in the UK for seven years and I really loved this system of saying thank you. It made me happy when someone thanked me and made the process of driving around other vehicles more humane.

I would love to have this at home in Spain, people only interact with other cars to shout at them 😔

2ofthebest · 31/10/2024 19:19

If I'm thanking someone in front, in the dark so headlights already on, then I always briefly dip them to sidelights. Never understood people thanking someone by blinding them.

MozartsMothballs · 31/10/2024 19:17

I let a police car out a few weeks ago and they gave 3 blinks of the hazards to say 'thank you'. I was quite surprised as I thought it was against the highway code.

Original poster
Newusernameforthiss · 31/10/2024 19:13

Wednesday52 · 31/10/2024 18:25

This stuff is a nightmare. I've only just got into the groove of remembering to bring biscuits every time I go on a playdate for the children

Agree on hazards being normal for thanks, but what’s the deal with bringing biscuits on playdates?! Is that a thing?

If I'm coming to your house with twins that eat everything, it seems polite to offer up some sacrificial chocolate hobnobs

OP posts:
Original poster
Newusernameforthiss · 31/10/2024 19:06

noctilucentcloud · 31/10/2024 18:31

Hazards (or an L R L R indicator) are definitely used as a thanks where I am, for pulling in to let another vehicle to overtake on single tracks or laybys, or if you let another vehicle out traffic. But if you pull in on a passing place to let someone pass the other way you'd say thanks by raising your hand. I wouldn't use it on motorways or duel carriage ways.

OK I am learning so much here, people have done the LRLR thing to me and I've been like "oh wow look children their indicators are broken" but I was actually being thanked!!! Amazing

OP posts:
Fluffypuppy1 · 31/10/2024 18:56

whynotavailable · 31/10/2024 18:50

Both are unnecessary

Flashing headlights as thanks when oncoming in dusk or darkness temporarily blinds you, I can't imagine why anyone thinks that's a good idea

And people who merge in front of you then should concentrate on accelerating away but instead waste time fumbling for the hazards to say thanks are poor drivers in my opinion.

A quick wave will do, if you feel it's needed.

There’s no accelerating away where I am. It’s a slow moving queue 90% of the time so not a big deal to indicate thanks.

DiscontentedPig · 31/10/2024 18:53

Flashing your full beams in the dark means "AARRGGH!!!!". What that means is left to the imagination of the person you're flashing them at.

whynotavailable · 31/10/2024 18:50

Both are unnecessary

Flashing headlights as thanks when oncoming in dusk or darkness temporarily blinds you, I can't imagine why anyone thinks that's a good idea

And people who merge in front of you then should concentrate on accelerating away but instead waste time fumbling for the hazards to say thanks are poor drivers in my opinion.

A quick wave will do, if you feel it's needed.

Wingedharpy · 31/10/2024 18:45

I'd like to know what is the car light morse code for : "Oh sorry! That was really stupid of me and completely my fault".
I need to use that one.

Swipe left for the next trending thread