My male friend - is he being supportive or controlling

Why did the 2 of you come up with a plan for what you do after work? If you were complaining to him about how little time you have/that you are struggling, then it's not surprising he tried to help with advice. If you don't want to follow it then that's fine, you are an adult, but perhaps don't mention your issues again. There's nothing worse than someone who repeatedly talks about an issue but refuses to do anything about it.

I'm not sure who is supporting who here. It sounds like he might need you more than you need him.

Op I'm quite uncomfortable with the level of direction he's giving you. He's quizzing you about your whereabouts, dictating what time you should be eating at, taking issue with you going for a coffee and seeing your neighbour- both which would be things that a professional would suggest are good for your mental health.

I know you think you'd miss the support he gives you, but perhaps that's because he's created a situation where you feel like you're reliant on him and that's not very healthy.

OP, I think you need to change your friends as you don’t seem happy with them. I think you’ve complained about your male friend before (his messaging manner or something). Below on ‘similar threads’ you’ve asked for advice on ‘To be assertive with my friend’. A woman this time. In ‘similar threads’ under that thread you have 3 others seemingly about the same woman.
It seems he thinks you need some order in your life - perhaps he worries about your cats? If you feel that he’s taking this too far then it may be better to have less contact with him & forgo his DIY & IT help.

Why can't you at minimum read op's responses? It's really a short thread and she's said she's really struggling with her mental health. Do you feel your response is appropriate?

Just say thank you so much for his help but that you need to stand on your own feet now. (And you do. It’s easy to get stuck using a crutch)

You are an adult and it's entirely up to you how you spend your time.

His message is both patronising and massively overstepping. You aren't a child and he isn't your father.

He may have another motive for helping you with your MH, but at the cost of your autonomy, seems very strange as well as concerning.

I suggest you ask him why he is being so possessive. When you are free to please yourself what you do after work and for how long.

How did he know you weren’t home?

I think you just need to thank him for his advice and tell him you have a plan of how to move forward and then stop moaning to him about eating late. It might be he’s just exasperated with hearing about it if you won’t help yourself, or it might be that he’s controlling, but either way, just stop telling him about it.

Why can't you make your own tea?
🤣🤣🤣

‘You don’t owe him anything.’

He’s doing unpaid care shifts. You do.

At least turn up on time when you’ve been cooked for.

Stop abusing Valium.

So, your friend thinks you should go straight home from work to cook your tea and see your cats. You prefer to call in for a coffee because you don't like being at home too early. You have however agreed to do as he tells you every day but Friday. Because you had a bad stomach and left work early, rather than go home even earlier, you went for a coffee today, even though its Thursday not Friday, and now he's annoyed? The only thing that prevents me saying he is highly controlling and a huge red flag, is the possibility he thinks you are leaving your cats too long without feeding them? However if thats not the case and they are fine, id be very careful OP. There is a huge difference between advice and giving instruction with sanctions (getting annoyed) if you dont comply.

He is a man so of course MN will say he is controlling just for existing, I think it is more complex than that

People are robots where you can program what you need from them and they obey that only, you need to stand on your own 2 feet and sort your own life out, if you genuinely think he is being bad then stop contact but the pick and mix what you need is not working

that we discussed this a while ago and I agreed to have a coffee after work on Fridays and go straight home the rest of the week and eat at a reasonable time and sort the cats out and he feels I am going against it

this is really weird, you aren’t a child, he isn’t your parent so what does it matter if you have a coffee after work on a Wednesday?! He is not supportive, he’s just trying to boss you around

It’s really none of his business what you do after work. Although if you have pets you need to taking responsibility and be feeding them at regular times. Not managing your time to feed yourself if one thing but not ok for the cats.

I agree that a 👍 would be the best response, then back away from him. You don't need him to cook your dinner - he is doing it to meet some need of his own, probably for control.

He needs to find something else to do with his time. And change the locks.

So let's get this straight. Your friend is making your evening meal, looking after your cats and getting your home organised. That's a lot of help going on there and you sound extremely lucky to have such a good friend in your life. Most people don't have that luxury. Expecting you home around a certain time to actually eat the meal he'd prepared and maybe look after your own cats is so far removed from controlling and unreasonable that words fail me. Sipping coffee and then visiting a neighbour is rude when someone who is trying to support you is wondering where you are. Mental health issues don't give you a free pass. I would tell him, for his sake not yours, that you no longer require his help. That way you can do exactly as you please.

She only told him she left early AFTER he started questioning her though. I can only assume he must have been at hers and she was later than normal for him to start sending her texts asking if she had missed buses.

Did you arrange for him to go to your house and make your tea? How did he get in? How often does he do this? Did you know he was going to be there but went to the coffee shop anyway?

Seems an odd set-up if you didn’t agree to it.

I don’t know there is probably quite a back story here if your mental health needs are such the extent that you need support getting your own tea and feeding your cats. Sounds like this has turned into more of a parent/child dynamic and I think whether he’s completely out of line depends on just how much support you need from him.

Either way it’s not a healthy friendship dynamic for either of you.

The OP told him she left early. I think he asked she had missed a lot of buses because she was later than usual, having been in a cafe on her laptop & then visiting a neighbour.

Also, how did he know you left work early?

I’m confused by this too, I don’t understand why helping you with your mental health means policing what time you get home, unless he’s there having made you dinner and looked after your cats?