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AIBU?

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Original poster

End of Mat Leave and WFH

58 replies

TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 31/10/2024 12:33

Hi all

I returned from Mat Leave after 10 months in August, with my husband doing the last two months as SPL. My son is now in nursery three days a week, and we both work five days compressed into four.

I completely underestimated the impact of returning to work, because before my husband was caring for our child in our house. The adjustment is hard, and I went back full time cold turkey.

My office requires 40% attendance, the nearest offices are 2h away. They removed this requirement and barred me from the office when I was pregnant due to high risk factors, so I haven't been in for months. My team has always had below-target attendance because it really doesn't suit our tasks.

WIBU to now ask for a phased return in the form of WFH whilst I'm still breastfeeding?

It's the thing that really causes issues because I can't express (I've really tried but it takes over an hour to produce one measly feed!), and I can't be back to feed my son without turning back practically after I arrived.

Whenever I have attended the offices in the past, 9/10 either the person I have come to meet has cancelled and attended virtually, or they've cancelled altogether.

OP posts:
allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 31/10/2024 13:20

@TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis what did people do before wfh became a thing??? I think they all managed perfectly well! your baby is nearly one should be being weaned by now.

TheKeatingFive · 31/10/2024 13:11

Well you can certainly ask

Beekeepingmum · 31/10/2024 13:08

Compressed hours with 4 hours commuting sounds like a nightmare. I would definitely raise it especially if it doesn't really make any difference to the work.

tangobravo · 31/10/2024 13:03

But you're not BFing while he's in nursery right? I'd definitely ask but would focus on why it won't impact your work or your team.

Pinkpaperclip · 31/10/2024 13:03

It’s a huge adjustment period and I think the best thing to do in your case is speak to your work place and be honest. You can ask, they can say yes or no. You will feel a huge weight off by just asking the question

I returned 3 days a week and it is a huge juggle, so I really do understand how full time can be an even bigger adjustment.

If you can afford it, could you go down hours / days?

Original poster
TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 31/10/2024 12:57

Apologies, I should add - I get bouts of mastitis semi-regularly, which is why I want to do a managed retreat. The first day I did go back in was to an external company event where I asked for a safe place to express and was sent to the toilets... Grr.

I only needed to express a little to treat the mastitis, but it was really painful, not to say unsanitary.

(Sorry, was trying not to write War and Peace!)

I have a really clear case, IMO, for WFH to complete the complex and confidential work I need to do in the short term. They want people in to collaborate, but I actively need to ensure secrecy and discretion, and it's only me working on the tasks.

I don't know whether the breastfeeding issue muddies the waters, or makes my case stronger, IYSWIM?

OP posts:
dragonfliesandbees · 31/10/2024 12:46

I returned to work doing 12.5 hours shifts and continued to breastfeed. Lots of women work and continue to bf with no issues. Babies are adaptable and I’m sure your son would manage without a feed while you are working. On the other hand, it sounds as though your role is doable without going into the office so there’s no harm in asking about wfh if it will make life easier.

BuffaloCauliflower · 31/10/2024 12:39

It can definitely be really hard to return to work after mat leave, it’s a big adjustment. But I’m not sure I follow your train of thought? What is it you’re struggling with?

I’ve returned from two mat leaves still breastfeeding, also never pumped as didn’t work for me, office 1.5hr drive away and in 2 days a week, it’s never been an issue for me. Kids had food and water while not with me. If your baby is now 12 months he should be fine without milk for the 12ish hours a day you’re apart.

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