Having a surname from a different background to your own

131 replies

Onley · 31/10/2024 12:24

I’m getting married next year to an Austrian guy living in London. His surname suits him and his family. But I am half Indian and half English and feel really odd taking on such a ‘foreign’ surname.
My dad is Indian so my surname is also Indian. I don’t object to the principle of women changing names (do what you like) and I probably would change if the surname was something like Smith or more English. I just feel odd having a VERY Austrian surname. It seems so not me. Fiancé accepts my decision but acknowledges in an ideal world where he got his way he and his future wife/kids would take his name.

I’m just curious how others in multicultural relationships have navigated this

OP posts:

womananddog · 31/10/2024 12:37

Onley · 31/10/2024 12:28

I’ve considered the double barrel approach but fiancé’s surname is fairly long. The conbination looks silly and they don’t sound great together imo.

Edited

DS (English with a very unusual three syllable Irish surname) and fiancee (British South Asian) are double barrelling. It sounded odd the first few times I heard it, but doesn't anymore. It will be a challenge for any future children to spell though.

RedRedRobot · 31/10/2024 12:36

Do you want your children to have his surname? Couldn't they have a double barrelled surname?

Lots of my friends have kept their own surnames at marriage - some have then changed to double barrelled when they have children, some have given their children their own surnames. A few have given the children the man's surname.

It's really not a default anymore for a woman to take her husbands surname- or for children to have their fathers!

redalex261 · 31/10/2024 12:35

Stick to your own name if it's not suitable. The double-barrelling sounds even worse than usual in the scenario you are positing - I'm imagining something like Schumacher-Patel or Singh-Baumgartner - verging on cruelty for any future children in my opinion!

I do wonder what happens when two double barrelled kids meet and marry in the future!
Do what suits you and decide between yourselves re children.

MatildaTheCat · 31/10/2024 12:31

Our surname is a throwback from several generations ago on DH’s side. Neither of us speak the language and we have to spell it each and every time, usually more than once. I still prefer it to my maiden name and like the fact that we and our DC all have the same name.

Original poster

Onley · 31/10/2024 12:28

I’ve considered the double barrel approach but fiancé’s surname is fairly long. The conbination looks silly and they don’t sound great together imo.

OP posts:

wizzywig · 31/10/2024 12:26

Double barrel it?

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