ExH, his new girlfriend and the family beach house

I think that they still share the bedroom? Presumably not enough rooms for OP and ex to have their own rooms?

Also I think he could just lie and say that his ex is a crazy lady who doesn’t own the house. But will hopefully be caught out when he can’t sell without his ex. I’m guessing he can lie out of that one too and pretend he felt the offer wasn’t right etc. There’s no reason she would be particularly across the paperwork…

@Endoftheroad12345 you said she is nice to your kids, can you not just have a chat with her ‘decor looks lovely, it will be a shame when WE finally sell although good to have things finalised. Thanks for your help with the decorating, but please would you leave my stuff alone? It’s a bit weird knowing someone’s moved it all - maybe Ex didn’t pass on the info but I did ask for people to stay out of my room(s), hope you understand where I’m coming from’

You're focusing on the wrong things. The only thing I've taken from your post is that your exh hurts your dc so badly that they're coming home marked And you dint know any of the right sort of lawyers to stop this happening despite being in law yourself?

Well not delaying the sale is a positive thing. People sometimes think they are willing to drop the house price until they actually crunch the numbers and realise it’s not feasible.
Hopefully he has the same realisation when an offer comes in and he looks at his onward purchase.

Agreed. They are rarely very smart in their desire to impress a woman. Got to feel sorry for her really, but hopefully she doesn’t realise until after the house is sold.

I have decided I’ve taken the high road long enough and DP will be coming for summer hols!!!!

The high road only existed in your head. He's been doing what he wants and hasn't even noticed you sitting back, but feeling morally superior. Do what you want!

The biggest problem I see here is if he’s told her it’s his house and not joint as he may not want his lie about it revealed and dig his heels in to delay the sale.
Honestly that bloody house just needs to be sold. Until then I think you need to be as chilled as possible about it all. Grey rock, bite your tongue and a use a little bit of tactfulness to get it sold. Is it on the market yet?

Like others said, she’s not some usurper, you don’t know what lies she’s been told and your son has said he prefers it when she is around. So to me that means doing everything to propel their relationship forward.
Make a big thing of how much the kids like her, you’re happy that she is building such a nice relationship with them, blah blah blah. It would be nice for the house to be sold so they can move in together. Or maybe she can afford to buy you out.
You’ll always be connected by the children, that you just need to deal with as things arise, but the house and property etc. needs to be separated. It’s not acceptable to be financially linked to someone after a break up unless for a very good reason (not wanting the children to be homeless etc.) but you sound like you are managing so focus on whatever you have to do to get this situation resolved and your freedom from him.
Keep the peace to get it sold.

Urghhh I feel for you. Totally encroaching. I’d be raging.

However I think for your own sanity you are just going to have to let it roll off you. She may be a nice enough woman, give her the benefit of the doubt. She’s saddled with him now so you can be magnanimous.

He sounds a horror. Best of luck getting yourself extricated and looking out for your children- your poor son.

Yep it's wierd as hell of her to do that. I can't really understand why she would touch any of your things.
On the plus side she's gone and done a grand job on the DIY front so it's win on that front. I agree go with your DP, ex clearly doesn't care about rules so you might as well enjoy it before it's sold

Exactly the same in the UK, sadly. 😢

A cursory glance at the NZ Herald pretty much any day will tell you all you need to know about the horrific levels of child abuse and the lenience toward perpetrators. It is disgraceful.

It is, sadly. My ex son in law is the monster we have to deal with. Children have made repeated disclosures of abuse. He’s made all the right noises to SW so it’s his word against there’s. I think he would have to actually break bones before the “threshold” is reached, and possibly not even then.

His history of domestic abuse against my daughter isn’t considered relevant, except to paint her as engaging in parental alienation when she raised the children’s disclosures to SS.
It’s all wrong.

I would be less concerned about his use or the beach house - which is his too - and more about his physical violence toward your DC. I believe your priorities are seriously askew here.

I too would probably be pissed off at the rearranging of my stuff.
I would put it all back as it was before but then I'm petty.

OP if your son is saying he feels unsafe with his dad surely Thetis some action you can take?

Glad to see you have decided to make full use of the house with your children and partner - the idea of making new, happy memories there is a good one, especially for your children whose recent experiences of the house seem quite fraught.

It doesn’t really matter what hey told her about ownership, as the truth will come out when it’s sold.

I would absolutely be petty enough to go in and rearrange things back to how I wanted them. I’d redecorate if necessary.I would also move any possessions of Ex and GF to a guest room.

I absolutely get this. She will function as some sort of “protection” for your child.

“ My 9 year old son came home with a bruise on his arm a couple of weeks ago from Dad pinching him. Not the first time my son has been hurt by his father. This has been logged with the police.”

not to derail your thread, but how bad does it have to be in NZ before the authorities take action to stop your bastard ex from hurting his child?

His wife wasn't pregnant

Then fair enough, that is massively overstepping a boundary!